DUKE  UNIVERSITY  LIBK,ARY 
DURHAM,  N.  C 


Digitized  by  the  Internet  Archive 
in  2015 


https://archive.org/details/gemsofprosepoetr01aike 


G  E  M  S 


OF 

Prose  and  Poetry, 


THE  FRUITS  OF  LEISURE  HOUIiS. 


ARRANGED  WITH  A  VIEW  OF  ASSISTING  THE  MEMORY,  PRO- 
MOTING METHODICAL  HABITS,  AND  ACCUMULATING 
A  FUND  OF  KNOWLEDGE. 


In  reading  authors,  should  you  And 
Choice  passages  that  strike  your  mind. 
And  which  no  doubt  yoti  may  have  reason 
To  think  on  at  another  season  ; 
Rest  n.it  contented  with  the  sight. 
But  take  them  down  in  black  and  white. 

Should  frequent  beauties  strike  the  reader's  view, 
Pray  do  not  quarrel  for  a  fault  or  two. 
But  pardon  imperfections  in  such  men 
As  faults  of  human  nature  and  the  pen." 


FKOM;  the  MANtrsCREPTS  OF 

JAMES  R.  AIKEN, 

OF  SOUTH  CAROLINA. 
"  Julavii  meminisse  hmc  siudia  c;?!m."— Viegtl. 


TsEW  YOEK  : 
J^MES    Mrr^JLER,    P'lo.bli  slier, 
Wi>rNSBORo,  S.  C. : 

McMASTER  &  BRICE,  AGENTS. 


1876. 


V 


COPYRIGHT,  1876, 
BY    JAMES  MILLER. 


Lange,  Little  &  Co., 
Printers,  Elcctrotypers  aud  Bookbinders, 
Nos.  lu  t)  M  Astor  Place, 
New  York. 


IXTEODUCTIOX. 


As  wise  a  man  as  Lord  Bacon  lias  said,  that, 
*'meu  of  long  experience  "uitliout  learning  liare 
often  jiroved  of  more  benefit  to  society  tlian  learned 
men  without  experience.''  I  am  not  vain  enough 
to  flatter  myself  with  the  idea  that  either  my 
learning  or  experience  has  ever  benefited  any  one, 
not  even  myself;  yet  what  I  hare  learned  in  the 
journey  of  life  convinces  me  that  it  requires  no 
ordinary  degree  of  observation  to  discover  that  our 
experience  of  human  nature  is  too  often  attained 
by  the  purchase  of  time,  fortune,  and  even  reputa- 
tion. 

Fully  convinced  of  this  idea,  and  yet  more 
strongly  impressed  with  the  conviction  as  a  man 
of  business,  whose  associations  have  been  more  or 
less  with  men  in  every  relation  of  hfe,  I  determined 
at  times  to  take  advantage  of  leisure  moments,  in 
committmg  to  manuscript  what  might  enable  me 

"  To  eye  nanire's  walks,  shoot  folly  as  it  flies, 
And  catch  the  living  manners,  as  they  early  rise." 

To  attain  this  purpose  I  have  from  time  to  time 
set  down,' for  future  reference,  brief  passages,  trite 


1  P:P:Q/^  P. 


4 


INTRODUCTION. 


sentences,  appropriate  references,  axioms,  maxims, 
etc.,  which  contained  ideas  that  might  be  of  some 
benefit  to  myself,  if  not  to  others.  Whether  the 
effort  will  prove  beneficial  or  not  is  left  entirely  to 
the  judgment  of  those  who  may  feel  disposed  to 
criticise  the  task  which  I  have  undertaken.  I  am 
aware  it  is  a  hazard  on  my  part  to  play  the 
author,  even  with  a  limited  and  imperfect  knowl- 
edge of  human  nature ;  to  commit,  for  the  edifica- 
tion and  instruction  of  others,  "thoughts  that 
breathe,  or  words  that  burn,"  whether  in  prose, 
poetry,  fact,  or  fiction.  I  think,  however,  a  care- 
ful perusal,  without  prejudice,  of  this  humble 
effort,  will  afford  an  impartial  reader  some 
thoughts  for  reflection,  that  may,  if  properly  appre- 
ciated, improve  tlieir  manners,  aid  in  conversation, 
increase  their  pleasure,  strengthen  their  morals, 
and,  I  hope,  promote  their  temporal  and  eternal 
happiness. 

I  claim  the  indulgent  consideration  of  the 
reader  in  stating  that  many  of  tlie  ideas  suggested 
are  not  entirely  original,  as  the  emanations  of  my 
own  brain,  but  taken  in  part;  and  in  many  in- 
stances, from  tlie  views  and  opinions  of  others, 
yet  more  or  less  analyzed,  and/  frequently  j^ara- 
phrased,  as  I  verily  believe,  without  egotism,  to  a 
better  appreciation  and  application  to  modern 
society.  As  far  as  my  limited  reading  from  the 
resources  of  a  private  library  have  been  permitted, 
and  from  other  sources  of  a  common  literature,  I 
have,  in  every  paragraph,  attempted  to  "'sift  the 


INTRODUCTION. 


5 


wheat  from  the  chaff,"  and  so  to  arrange  the  order 
tliat  the  scholar,  the  statesman,  the  orator,  editor, 
lawyer,  or  divine,  might  the  more  readily  find  a 
ready  reference  to  such  subjects  as  might  be  of  ap- 
propriate application  in  expressing  his  own  ideas. 
The  young  readers,  too,  of  both  sexes,  may  also 
find  some  very  valuable  and  appropriate  texts  for 
their  especial  use,  if  not  to  enrich  their  minds 
with  knowledge,  certainly  to  please  their  fancy. 

In  the  commencement  of  this  work  (many  years 
since),  having  not  the  remotest  idea  of  publishing  a 
book  of  this  kind,  but  little  attention  was  paid  to 
the  source  from  which  many  of  the  selected  scraps, 
or  extracts,  were  taken ;  consequently,  some  of  the 
authors  have  not  been  given;  but  in  every  instance, 
as  far  as  memory  serves,  proper  quotation  marks 
will  be  found,  to  indicate  what  is  not  original. 
The  book  contains  more  than  a  thousand  separate 
and  distinct  pieces,  of  which  one-half,  at  least, 
have  been  written  and  compiled  during  the  past 
year,  in  moments  and  hours  taken  from  business, 
under  influences  of  a  peculiar  nature,  and  which 
would  be  of  no  interest  for  the  reader  to  learn. 

The  practical,  statistical,  and  historical  facts  in- 
troduced, are  only  recorded  as  being  useful  for 
future  reference. 

In  conclusion,  suffice  it  to  say,  dear  reader,  tlie  ~" 
book  is  now  before  you.    So  far  as  regards  the 

scintillations  "  of  my  own  brain,  they  are  scat- 
tered through  the  whole  compilation,  and  for  them 
I  have  no  further  apology  to  make,  except  it  be  to 


6 


INTEODUCTION, 


tlie  opinions  of  those  who  are  competent  to  decide 
upon  their  literary  merits. 

There  is  "nothing  extenuate,  nor  set  down 
aught  in  malice ; "  not  a  line  has  been  written  to 
gratify  or  displease  any  one  but  myself ;  and  it  has 
been  only  at  the  suggestion  of  friends  that  I  have 
consented  to  the  publication.  If  the  book  meets 
their  approbation,  and  the  good  opinion  of  others 
whose  favorable  consideration  I  am  solicitous  to 
obtain,  then  I  shall  be  satisfied  ;  and  to  those  who, 
upon  a  careful  perusal,  may  think  otherwise,  I  have 
only  to  say,  in  all  sincerity,  Try  your  tiand^  Icind 
friend ;  make  the  effort  to  write  a  tooTc ;  perhaps, 
you  may  secure  for  yourself  a  niche  in  the  temple 
of  fame^^erAajJS  not^ — but  should  you  fail,  poster- 
ity will,  at  least,  engrave  on  the  wrong  side  of  your 
tomb-stone,  as  a  titlejoage, 

"  'Tis  pleasant,  sure,  to  see  one's  name  in  print, 
A  book's  a  book,  altho'  there's  uoiMng  in't." 

J.  R.  A. 

So.  Ca.,  June  1,  1876. 


OEIGIXAL 
SELECTED  REMARKS. 


ABSENCE. 

"When  all  that  in  absence  vre  dread 

Is  past,  and  forgotten  the  pain, 

How  sweet  is  the  tear  at  such  moments  we  shed, 

When  we  see  our  sweetheart  again." — Willis. 


"Xow,  since  thy  graceful  form  has  gone, 
Thine  absence  each  emotion  smothers. 
For  what  I  sought  in  thee  alone, 
In  truth  I  cannot  lind  in  others ; 
So  fare  thee  well,  my  dearest  maid, 
'Tis  rain  and  fruitless  to  regret  thee  ; 
iSTo  hope  nor  memory  yields  me  aid, 
Yet  pride  may  teacli  me  to  forget  thee." 


"Yet  now  and  then  a  thought  will  steal. 
In  spite  of  every  vain  endeavor  : 
Does  Emma  know  the  pangs  I  feel  ? 
Believing  that  she's  lost  forever." — Bums. 


8  ORIOINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


ABUNDANCE. 

What  does  any  man  want  wh6  has  abundance,  or 
what  is  he  the  better  off  for  more,  if  never  satis- 
fied? 

ACTIONS. 

All  our  actions  in  this  world  are  judged  by  oui 
fellow  man,  but  the  consequences  of  a  final  verdict 
will  be  given  by  the  Judge  of  Heaven. 

ADIEU. 

"And  now,  fair  ladies,  one  and  all,  adieu. 

Good  health,  good  husbands,  and  good-by  to  you." 

—  WaUon. 

ADVERSITY. 

"  In  this  wide  word,  the  fondest  and  the  best 
Are  ofttimes  tried;  most  troubled  and  distressed." 

—  Crdbbe. 

ADVERTISE. 

Merchants,  "you  should  never  let" 

Your  advertising  rest ; 
Your  dirty  liands  were  never  made 

To  hang  into  your  vest. 


ADVICE. 

Advice  is  often  dispensed  at  wholesale,  but  more 
generally  taken  at  retail. 


OEIGIKAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS.  9 


Whene'er  you  are  in  doubt — 

Said  a  man  I  once  knew — 
Twixt  two  lines  of  conduct, 

Which  course  to  pursue, 
Ask  a  woman's  opinion, 

And  whatever  she  advise, 
Take  the  contrary  course, 

And  you  are  sure  to  be  wise. 

*'Come,  come,"  said  Tom's  father,   "at  your  time 
of  life, 

There's  no  longer  excuse  for  playing  the  rake, 
It  is  time  you  should  think,  boy,  of  taking  a  wife." 
"  Well,  so  it  is,  father — ^but  whose  shall  I  take  ?  " 


Don't  think  too  much  of  money, 

But  learn  to  work  and  plan ; 
Use  honesty  in  every  shape, 

And  hoard  up  all  you  can: 
'Tis  the  fool  who  boasts  of  riches. 

His  dollars,  dimes,  or  pence, 
The  best  of  wealth  is  youth  and  health, 

With  good  sound  common  sense. 

"Give  every  man  thine  ear,  but  few  thy  voice. 
Hear  each  one's  counsel,  but  reserve  thy  choice." 

AFFECTATION. 

Affectation,  with  a  full  supply  of  chalk  and  paint, 
has  ruined  more  pretty  faces  than  the  small-pox. 


10         ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


AGE, 

"  01(1  as  I  am,  for  ladies'  love  unfit, 
The  power  of  beauty  I  remeLaber  yet. 
For  when  I  saw  you,  Cupid  shot  a  dart 
"Which  gave  a  wound  I  still  feel  in  my  heart. 

— Dryden. 

The  greatest  comfort  of.  old  age  is  the  pleasing 
remembrance  of  the  many  benefits  and  favors  done 
to  others  during  youth  and  manhood. 

"Our  age  to  seventy  years  is  set, — 
Tho'  short  the  time,  how  rarely  met! 
Yet  if  to  eighty  we  arrive. 
We  toil  in  pain — yet  wish  to  live." 

Old  age,  cradled  in  piety  and  matured  by  faith, 
is  but  the  childhood  of  immortality. 

Every  returning  birthday  is  another  milestone 
in  the  journey  of  life. 

AGREEABLE. 

The  true  secret  of  being  agreeable  in  company 
is  to  appear  well  pleased  with  all  the  company,  and 
to  be  well  entertained  with  the  idea  that  you  are 
entertaining  others  agreeably. 

"He  that  can  please  nobody  is  not  so  much  to 
be  pitied  as  he  whom  nobody  can  please. " 


ORIGINAL  AXD  SELECTED  SEilARKS.  H 


A.LPHABET. 


English 

Alphabet 

contains  26 

French 

23 

Italian 

u 

'  20 

Spanish 

u 

27 

German 

'    i  i 

"  26 

Russian 

4 ; 

"  41 

Persian 

li 

"  32 

Turkish 

u 

33 

Latin 

( ( 

"  22 

Greek 

u 

.    "  -  24 

Hebrew 

a 

' '  22 

Arabic 

11 

28 

Sanscrit 

I  i 

50 

Chinese 

( ( 

2U 

AMBITION, 

"  Tis  Touug  ambition's  ladder 
"Whereto  the  climber  turns  his  face; 
But  when  he  once  attains  the  upmost  round, 
He  to  the  ladder  turns  his  back, 
Looks  to  the  clouds,  and  scorns  the  base  degrees 
By  which  he  did  ascend." — Sliakesjjeare, 


"I  am  the  founder  of  my  own  fortunes.  I  date 
mr  predigree.  not  from  musty  parchments  or 
worm-eaten  rolls  of  heraldry,  but  from  myself,  and 
myself  alone — I  am  the  first  of  my  line," — yajjoleon. 


12         ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


"  'Tis  like  a  circle  in  the  water, 
Which  never  ceases  to  enlarge  itself, 
Till  by  expanding  it  destroys  its  aim 
And  vanishes  in  naught." — Shakespeare. 

The  ambitious  man,  too  covetous  of  fame, 

Too  full  of  hery  metal  in  his  frame, 

How  oft  he  strays  from  virtue's  sacred  ways. 

When  drunk  with  honor  or  debauched  with  praise. 

AMERICA. 

' '  Let  it  be  a  truth  engraven  on  our  hearts,  that 
we  are  one,  united  and  entire  ;  let  it  be  borne  on 
the  stars  and  strijDes,  that  glorious  banner  under 
which  we  rally  in  every  exigency,  that  we  have 
but  " one  country, "  "one  constitution,"  "one 
destiny. " —  Webster. 

"If  this  great  western  sun  should  be  struck  out 
of  the  firmament,  at  what  other  fountain  could  the 
lamp  of  liberty  be  illumined  ?  What  other  orb 
could  even  emit  a  ray  of  freedom,  to  glimmer  on 
the  darkness  of  the  world  ? " —  Wehster. 

"Before  the  year  1900,  the  population  of 
America  will  be  more  than  equal  to  the  inhabit- 
ants of  all  Europe.  When  her  Whigs  are  thus 
multiplied,  let  all  the  princes  of  the  earth  tremble 
in  their  palaces." — Dr.  SamH  Johnson^  1779. 


ORIGIXAL  AXD  SELECTED  EEMARKS. 


13 


AMEHICAN  GENIUS. 

"Franklin  established  liis  reputation  as  a  genins 
throughout  the  land ;  Fulton  made  the  broad 
bosom  of  the  ooean  the  theater  of  his  fame ;  whilst 
Morse  now  writes  his  immortality  with  the  light- 
nmgs  of  heaven.'''' 

AMIABILITY. 

There  are  some  men  who  can  deny  a  favor  so 
graciously  as  to  please  us  in  the  refusal ;  whilst  others 
confer  an  obligation  so  rudely  as  to  disgust  us  in 
their  kindness. 

AMUSEMENTS. 

If  the  enemies  of  innocent  amusements  had  the 
control  of  worldly  matters,  they  would  deprive 
youtli  of  its  spring,  middle  age  of  its  summer,  man- 
Jiood  of  autumn,  and  crush  oM  age  with  the  icicles 
of  winter. 

ANAGRAMS. 

Astronomers —  " Moon  starers. " 
Breakfast— ' '  Fat  bakers. " 
Christianity — "  It's  in  Charity." 
Democratical — "  Comical  trade." 
Embargo — ^"  O,  grab  me." 
Elegant — "Neat  leg." 
Encyclopedia — "A  nice  cold  pie." 


14 


ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


Festival— "Evil  fast." 
Gallantries — "All  gre^t  sin," 
Impatient — "  Time  in  a  pet." 
Lawyers — "  Sly  ware." 
Matrimony — "Into  my  arm." 
Melodrama — "Made  moral." 
Miniature — "  True,  I  am  in." 
Misanthrope — "  Spare  him  not." 
Monarch — ' '  March  on. " 
Parishioners — "I  hire  parsons." 
Parliament — "Partial  men." 
Pedagogue — "See  a  pug  dog." 
Penitentiary — "  N'ay,  I  repent  it." 
Presbyterian — "  Best  in  prayer." 
Punishment — "  Mne  thumps." 
Revolution — "  To  love  ruin." 
Solemnity— "Yes,  Milton." 
Sub-treasurer — "A  sure  burster." 
Sweetheart — "'Inhere  we  sat." 
Telegraphs — "Great  helps." 
Wealth— "The  law." 


ANCESTRY. 

"  Superior  worth  your  rank  requires, 

For  this  mankind  reveres  your  sires ; 

If  you  degenerate  from  your  race, 

Their  merit  hightens  your  disgrace." — Gay, 


OEiaiNAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS.  15 


"  The  man  who  prides  himself  of  a  long  line  of 
ancestry,  of  whose  merits  he  is  unworthy,  is  like  a 
potato-|)lant,  the  best  part  is  under  ground. 


ANGER. 

"Of  all  the  ills  by  which  mankind  are  cursed, 
Their  own  bad  tempers  surely  are  the  worst." 

—  Cuinberland. 



ANTIGITJITY. 

"All  men  are  fond  of  tracing  back  their  family 
records,  but  never  consider  that  there  is  a  point  in 
which  they  become  related  to  a  band  of  thieves 
and  robbers." 


APOSTLES. 

Andrew  was  crucified. 
Barnnbas  was  stoned  to  death. 
Bartholomew  was  skinned  alive. 
James  (great)  was  beheaded. 
James  (less)  was  thrown  from  a  pinnacle. 
John  was  put  in  a  pot  of  boiling  oil. 
Jude  was  shot  with  arrows. 
Luke  was  hanged. 

Mark  was  dragged  through  Alexandria, 
Matthew  was  martyred  in  Ethiopia. 


16         ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


Matthias  was  stoned  to  death. 
Paul  was  beheaded. 

Peter  was  crucified  with  his  head  downward. 

Philip  was  beheaded. 

Simon  was  crucified. 

Thomas  was  pierced  with  a  spear. 


APPEARANCE. 

The  charms  of  life,  like  a  deceitful  dream, 
Not  oft  as  beautiful  as  what  they  seem ; 
Appearance  will  betray,  for,  understand, 
A  pure  white  glove  may  hide  a  filthy  hand. 


APPETITE. 

*'The  shortest  road  to  people's  hearts,  I  find, 
Lies  through  their  throats,  or  I  mistake  mankind ; 
Their  several  cares  in  one  great  point  combine. 
The  business  of  their  lives — What  hour  to  dine  ?  " 

—  Young. 

"  The  chief  end  of  man,"  the  hungry  sinner. 
Since  Eve  ate  apples — is  a  good  dinner. 


ART. 

No  cosmetics,  no  art  of  dress,  no  studied  adjust- 
ment of  lights  and  shadows,  can  adorn  the  human 
form  like  good  health,  accompanied  with  moder* 


ORIGIXAL  AXD  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


17 


ate  exercise;  'tis  this  alone  which  blends  them  all 
in  jDerfection  in.  the  face  of  the  immortal. 


ARTIFICE. 

Maidens  in  vain  their  pretty  e5'es  may  roll; 
Charms  please  the  sight,  but  merit  wins  the  soul; 
'Tis  not  the  chalk  or  paint — for  both  decay, 
And  dark  or  flaxen  curls  will  turn  to  gray ; 
Use  no  deception,  girls,  for  all  must  fade, 
And  she  who  cheats  a  man  must  die  a  maid. 


ASSOCIATION, 

Dear  friend,  you  have  told  me,  go  mix  with  mankind ; 

But  linust  deny  such  a  precept  as  wise; 
As  seclusion  accords  with  the  tone  of  my  mind, 

I  cannot  descend  to  a  world  I  despise. 

ATOMS. 

"All  nature's  great  developments  are  made 
From  microscopic  atoms,  form,  and  shade: 
This  should  remind  us,  that  many  little  things 
Produce  abundance  and  contentment  brings. 
Our  Saviour  did  himself  the  lesson  give, 
That  ' '  nothing  should  be  lost  "  on  which  we  live. 
When  the  great  feast  of  miracles  was  stayed, 
Twelve  overflowing  baskets  still  were  made. 
Just  so  with  scraps  of  wisdom  which  we  find 
In  books  or  by  experience — if  we  mind 
To  hoard  them  up,  if  not  too  much  in  haste, 
A  fund  of  knowledge  we'll  obtain  at  last.  " 


18         ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


ATJTHOH. 

He  only  is  entitled  to  be  kno>vn  as  an  author,  wlio 
writes  something  that  others  never  thought  of ;  or 
enlarges  and  improves  upon  ideas  with  more  feel- 
ing, poetry,  sentiment,  or  wit,  which  others  never 
wrote  upon,  if  worthy  of  notice. 

AVARICE. 

"Who,  lord  of  millions,  trembles  for  his  store. 
And  fears  to  give  a  farthing  to  the  poor; 
He  dreads  that  penury  will  be  his  fate. 
And,  scowling,  looks  on  charity  with  hate." 

—  Wolcot. 


BABY. 

A  coupon  due  to  a  marriage  hond,  payable  nine 
months  after  contract,  and  received  without  pro- 
test. 

BACHELOR. 

A  whimsical  being,  made  out  of  the  odds  and 
ends,  the  chips  and  scraps,  left  by  nature  after  the 
great  work  of  creating  man  and  wife  was  accom- 
plished ;  of  as  much  use  to  women  as  the  odd  half 
of  a  pair  of  scissors. 

BALL. 

Of  all  who  did  dance  'twere  a  long  tale  to  tell, 
Of  flounces  or  dresses,  or  who  was  the  belle; 


OBIGIXAL  AXD  SELECTED  REMABKS. 


19 


For  each  one  was  happy,  and  all  were  so  fair, 
That  night  passed  away,  and  the  dawn  caught 
them  there ; 

"When,  wearied  and  tired,  they  put  ofi  their  graces, 
And  strolled  oS  forborne,  to  wash  their  dear  faces; 
Then  take  a  good  nap,  and  talk,  one  and  all, 
Of  the  pleasure  enjoyed  at  the  Calico  ball. 


BAR-ROOM. 

"In  every  town  you  find  a  house  for  prayer, 
ISTot  far  away  you'll  see  a  bar-room  near, 
But  'twill  be  found,  on  close  examination, 
The  latter  has. the  largest  congregation." 


BASHPTJLNESS. 

"  Before  her  face  her  handkerchief  she  spread, 
To  hide  the  flood  of  tears — she  did  not  shed." 

— Pope. 


BATTLE, 

"Victors  and  yanquished  join,  promiscuous  cries, 
Exulting  shouts,  and  dying  groans  arise ; 
With  streaming  blood  the  grassy  fields  are  dyed, 
And  friends  and  foes  are  mingled  in  the  tide." 


The  falhng  shot,  the  bursting  shell, 
The  war-cloud's  leaden  rain; 

A  perfect  mimicry  of  Hell 
Is  seen  upon  the  battle  plain. 


20         ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


'Tis  the  fate  of  the  soldier,  so  stand  by  your  arms; 

Soon  or  late,  death  will  take, us  in  tow; 
Each  bullet  has  got  its  fearful  alarms, 

But  when  the  time  comes  we  must  go. 
Be  merry,  my  boys,'  drown  fear  and  sorrow; 

To  the  Yankees  we  never  will  yield ; 
Though  to-day  we  are  safe,  on  the  morrow, 

Perliaj)S,  we  may  be  shot  on  the  field. 

BEAUTY. 

"I  admit  you  are  handsome,  but  still  I  should 
guess 

That  others  are  handsome  as  you ; 
I've  heard  you  called  charming,  but  you  must 

confers 

That  all  things  we  hear  are  not  true." — Watson. 


"With  graceful  ease  and  sweetness,  void  of  pride, 
She  hides  her  faults— if  she  has  faults  to  hide; 
If  to  her  charms  some  female  errors  fall, 
Look  in  her  eyes,  and  you'll  forget  them  all." 


Thou  art  beautiful,  Miss  Emma, 
But  I  need  not  tell  you  this; 

I  am  caught  in  a  dilemma 
By  a  spell  of  loveliness. 


"The  charms  of  beauty  are  as  transient  as  the 
hectic  flush  which  tinges  the  cheek  of  disease,  and 


ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS.  21 


the  distinctions  won  in  the  court  of  Fashion  are  as 
fitful  as  the  gleam  of  a  meteor." 

"Beauty's  a  doubtful  good,  a  gloss,  a  flower, 
Lost,  faded,  broken,  dead  within  an  hour; 
And  beauty  blemished  once,  for  ever's  lost, 
In  spite  of  physic,  painting,  pain,  or  cost." 

— 8hal:espeare. 

"For  every  block  of  marble  holds  a  Yenus, 
With  nothing  but  unchiseled  stone  between  us." 

— Byron. 

"Without  a  smile  from  partial  beauty  won, 
Pray,  what  is  man — a  world  without  a  sun." 

—  Campbell. 

As  long  as  the  world  has  such  lips  and  such  eyes, 
As  before  me  this  moment  enraptured  I  see, 

They  may  say  what  they  will  of  the  stars  in  the  skies, 
But  this  earth  has  a  planet  sufficient  for  me. 

She's  neither  Violet  or  Rose, 

Nor  Hyacinth  or  Daisy; 
But  all  combined  in  one  bouquet, 

Her  beauty  has  amazed  me. 

"I  long  not  for  those  cherries  on  the  tree, 

So  much  as  those  which  on  thy  lips  I  see, 

And  more  affection  have  I  for  the  rose 

That'  s  on  thy  cheek — than  in  the  garden  grows." 

— Randolph. 


22 


ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


'Tis  heaven  that  gives  to  thee  thy  form  and  grace, 
And  plants  an  angel  in  thy  sweet  young  face. 

BEAU.  *^ 

They  that  have  never  seen  him,  yet  admire 
What  has  been  heard  of  him,  and  much  desire 
To  have  his  company,  and  hear  him  tell, 
Some  wonderful  exploit  He  done  so  well. 

''Rich  poult  de  soie  and  darege  Anglais^ 

With  petticoats  frilled  around  the  knee; 
Alpaca,  cashmere,  or  dmp  d''  eU^ 

Or  an  elegant  organdie ; 
A  parasol  tiny,  or  a  small  rattan, 

Bootee  of  patent  leather, 
A  Panama  hat,  a  Chinese  fan. 

For  a  bonnet  an  ostrich  feather; 
A  gorgeous  dress,  five  dollars  a  yard, 

Of  an  exquisite  greenish  silk. 
With  laces  and  muslin,  all  the  rage, 

As  white  and  as  pure  as  milk." 

BIBLE. 

Be  this  your  study  and  your  chief  delight, 

Read  it  by  day,  but  meditate  at  night; 

Its  happy  prece^Dts  to  yourself  apply, 

That  you  may  live  as  you  would  wish  to  die. 

The  Bible  contains  66  books,  1,189  chapters, 
31,173  verses,  and  was  written  by  fifty  diiferent 
authors. 


ORIGIXAL  AXD  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


23 


"  Within  tMs  sacred  volume  lies 
The  mystery  of  mysteries ; 
But  better  had  they  ne"er  been  born 
TTho  read  to  doubt,  oi  read  to  scorn." 

"  The  offspring  of  sanctified  intellect,  conceived 
in  the  councils  of  Eternal  TVisdom;  through  life  it 
pours  the  balm  of  heaven  into  the  wounded  heart, 
and  in  the  hour  of  death,  blazing  vith  the  luster 
of  Jehovah's  glory,  sheds  the  light  of  immortality 
upon  the  darkness  of  the  tomb." 

'•I  would  sooner  undertake  to  convince  an  infi- 
del of  the  truths  of  the  Bible,  than,  by  a  course  of 
reasoning,  to  prove  its  authenticity." — Henry. 

"Heaven  is  not  more  spangled  with  stars  than 
the  TTord  of  God  with  the  refulgent  promises  of 
ids  love." 

In  all  the  journey  of  life. 

Xo  matter  which  way  we  turn, 
"VTe  can  always  find  in  the  Word  of  God 

Some  u.seful  lessons  to  learn. 

BIGOTRY. 

"Mad  as  Christians  used  to  be 

Ahout  the  thirteenth  century, 

There's  lots  of  bigots  to  be  had 

In  this,  the  nineteenth,  just  as  bad." — Jfoare, 


24         ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  EEMARKS. 


BIRTH. 

"My  boast  is  not  that  I  deduce  my  birth 
From  wealth,  or  state,  or  rulers  od  the  earth, 
But  higher  far  my  proud  pretensions  rise, 
The  son  of  parents  passed  beyond  the  skies.-' 

—  Cowper. 

BLASPHEMY. 

"Improper  words  admit  of  no  defense, — 
A  want  of  decency  is  want  of  sense." — Fojpe. 

BLISS. 

"  There's  a  bliss  beyond  all  that  the  minstrel  has 
told, 

When  two  that  are  linked  in  a  heavenly  tie. 
With  hearts  never  changing,  or  brow  ever  cold, 
Love  on  through  this  life — love  on  till  they  die." 

— Moore, 

"  If  there  is  happiness  on  earth, 

A  fellow  knows  it  when 
He's  been  away  from  home  a  week, 

And  then  gets  back  again. " 

If  there  is  happiness  on  earth, 

A  place  where  bliss  is  found, 
'Tis  when  a  fellow  meets  liis  girl 

And  hugs  her  all  around. 

BOOKS, 

Were  it  possible  to  reduce  every  book  to  its 
quintessence,  many  an  author  would  appear  in  a 


ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS.  25 


penny  sheet,  while  millions  of  volumes  would  be 
utterly  annihilated. 

"Many  books  owe  their  success,  not  so  much  to 
the  good  memory  of  those  who  wrote  them,  as  to 
the  bad  memory  of  those  who  read  them." 

"The  monuments  of  mind;-  sweet  solaces  of  daily 
life;  proofs  of  immortality;  trees  yielding  fruit, 
whose  leaves  are  for  the  healing  of  all  nations; 
tables  of  knowledge,  where  all  may  eat,  nor  ever 
fear  a  surfeit. " 

' '  'Tis  pleasant  sure  to  see  one's  name  in  print, 
A  book's  a  book — altho'  there's  nothing  in't." 
Of  making  many  books  there  is  no  end, 
Alas  I  how  many  to  no  good  purpose  tend. 
Perhaps,  dear  friend,  this  very  book,  indeed, 
Confirms  the  sentence  which  above  you  read. 

There  are  more  persons  who  read  books  of 
worldly  matters  than  buy  them,  and  there  are  more 
who  buy  books  of  devotion  than  read  them. 

May  every  precept  here  a  blessing  be. 

To  those  who  read  this  book  compiled  by  me; 

And  may  each  reader  have  no  cause  to  say, 

"  J/y  money's  lost  !  I'll  throw  the  book  away;  " 

But  may  it  some  persuade,  who  go  astray. 

And  turn,  their  thoughts  from  every  evil  way. 


26 


ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMAEKS. 


BUN Y AN. 

"The  Bible  has  been  compared  to  a  fountain  of 
milk,  of  which  every  one  can  drink  to  their  heart's 
content,  but  it  was  the  good  fortune  of  Bunyan  to 
collect  the  cream,  which  he  offers  to  every  thirsty 
soul  in  "The  Pilgrim's  Progress." 

BUSINESS. 

Some  men  think  business  consists  in  holding  on 
to  what  you  can  get,  unlawfully,  and  refusing  to 
give  up  what  is  not  your  own,  in  accordance  with 
law. 

CALHOUN,  JNO.  C. 

"When  parties  and  partisans  have  passed  away; 
when  petty  schemes  and  political  rivalries  are  for- 
gotten, posterity  will  pass  its  unbiased  judgment 
upon  the  great  drama;  then  will  the  lofty  patriot- 
ism, the  stern  integrity,  and  commanding  abilities 
of  John  C.  Calhoun  stand  out  in  bold  relief,  un- 
scathed by  the  shafts  of  malice,  to  stamjD  him — 
*The  Statesman  of  the  Age.'  " 

CANDOR. 

"With  pleasure  let  us  own  our  errors  past, 
And  make  each  day  a  critic  on  the  last.*' — Popd. 

CARE, 

There  are  three  modes  of  bearing  the  ills  of  life; 


ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


27 


by  stolid  indifference,  tlie  most  common ;  by  philos- 
ophy and  reason,  the  most  ostentatious;  by  reli- 
gion, which  is  the  most  effectual. 

"Here's  a  sigh  for  those  who  love  me, 

And  a  smile  for  those  who  hate 
For  whatever  may  befall  me 

I  have  a  heart  for  every  fate." — Byron. 

Care  to  our  cofSn  adds  a  nail  no  doubt. 

But  every  time  we  smile  w^e  draw  one  out ; 

If  this  be  true,  the  man  who  never  sighs 

Should  split  his  sides  with  mirth — he  never  dies. 

If  the  heart  of  a  man  is  depressed  with  care, 
To  dispel  it  at  once,  let  a  woman  appear, 
Take  hold  of  her  hand,  and  give  her  a  kiss. 
And  care  is  immediately  changed  into  bliss. 


"  Care  that  has  entered  once  into  the  breast, 
Will  have  the  whole  possession  ere  it  rest." 

— Johnson. 


But  can  a  noble  mind  forever  brood, 
The  willing  victim  of  9,  weary  mood, 
On  heartless  cares  that  squander  life  away, 
And  cloud  a  genius  briglit'ning  into  day ! 

CABOLINA,  SOUTH. 

"The  land  of  my  birth,  Heaven's  blessings  attend 
her  I 


28  ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS 


While  I  live  I  will  cherish ;  yes,  love  and  defend 
her; 

Though  others  may  sneer,  and  in  envy  defame  her. 
My  heart  swells  with  gladness  whenever  I  name 
her." —  Gaston. 


"The  renown  of  her  soldiers  is  proven  by  the 
blood-stained  folds  of  her  tattered  banner;  their 
highest  eulogy  is  :  they  left  no  names  on  the 
records  of  a  court-martial,  but  in  one  campaign 
they  left  two-thirds  of  a  thousand  men  on  the  plains 
of  Mexico." — Jno.  Preston. 


"When  the  rights  of  Carolina  are  invaded,  and 
the  war  blast  shall  sound  to  arms,  he  who  mounts 
his  charger  to  avenge  her  wrongs,  sooner  than  I, 
must  rise  by  the  dim  twilight  of  the  morning  star, 
and  whet  his  sabre  before  the  dawn  of  day." 

— Jas.  Hamilton. 

CATEGORY. 

Which  is  the  girl  that  I  love  best? 

For  I  see  a  score  around  me. 
Some  brunette,  and  some  are  fair. 
In  the  dance  that  now  surrounds  me. 
Great  Heavens!  what  can  I  do? 

Or  whorh  shall  I  love  best? 
I'm  half  inclined  to  take  some  one 
Whose  smiles  would  give  me  rest. 


ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  RE^LARKS.  29 


Here's  one  "with  fair  white  arms, 

She  never  would  forsake  me. 
Through  all  life's  ills,  or  harms, 
I  wonder  if  she'd  take  me? 

My  doubt  grows  strong  and  stronger. 

Who  answers  to  my  call? 
For  if  I  pause  much  longer, 
I'm  sure  I'll  love  them — all. 


CATERPILLAR. 

I'm  in  my  dishabille,  'tis  true, 

'Tis  often  so,  dear  girl,  with  you ; 

When  I  become  a  butterfly. 

In  colors,  then  with  you  I'll  vie ; 

Let  not  this  thought  your  mind  perplex, 

I'm  a  true  emblem  of  your  sex. 


CHARMS. 

Let  others  say  how  much  they  prize. 

Charms  that  adorn  the  fair, 
The  rosy  cheek  or  sparkling  eyes, 

The  blonde  or  brunette  hair; 
'Tis  not  the  bust  or  polished  arm 

Could  my  approval  win. 
But  a  lively  animated  form. 

With  a  noble  mind  within. 


CHARACTER. 

A  certain  degree  of  self-respect  is  one  of  the  best 
securities  against  moral  degradation. 


80         ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


(Doubtful.)  A  man,  whose  reputation  was  un- 
known yesterday,  exists  only  to-day,  without  any 
hojpe  of  being  remembered  to-morrow. 


"With  or  without  offense  to  friends  or  foes, 

I'll  sketch  the  world,  exactly  as  it  goes." — Byron. 


In  our  intercourse  with  men,  how  many  we  find 
whom  the  opinion  of  the  world,  or  some  mere  cir- 
cumstance of  good  fortune,  has  placed  them  in  a 
much  higher  position  than  they  deserve,  when  the 
truth  in  the  abstract  convinces  us  they  are  not  only 
fools,  but  knaves  and  hypocrites. 


If  all  men  were  honest  and  candid  in  the  expres- 
sion of  their  own  opinions  of  human  nature,  they 
would  confess  that,  whilst  they  knew  of  themselves 
enough  to  secure  friends,  they  should  also  know 
enough  of  others  to  find  out  they  have  enemies. 


CHARACTEKISTICS, 

A  kind  Providence  has  given  us  two  eyes,  but  one 
tongue ;  the  inference  is,  that  we  should  see  twice 
as  much  as  we  say ;  but  there  are  many  men  born 
with  two  tongues  and  only  one  eye,  if  we  are  to 
judge  them  by  what  they  say  and  see. 


ORIQIXAL  AND  SELE:TEB  REMARKS.  31 


Cruel  men  are  the  greatest  lovers  of  mercy ;  ava- 
ricious men,  of  generosity ;  proud  men,  of  humility 
— i.  e. — in  others,  not  in  themselves. 


"In  all  thy  manners,  whether  grave  or  mellow, 
Thou'rt  such  a  jovial,  witty,  pleasant  fellow. 
With  so  much  fun,  and  jokes,  and  mirth  about  you, 
I  don't  see  how  the  girls  can  live  without  you." 

— Martial. 


The  charms  of  wit  excite  admiration ;  those  of 
the  heart  impress  esteem;  hut  it  is  the  beauty  of 
the  face  that  provokes  love. 


Mankind  are  generally  classified  in  three  parts : 
"Those  who  will;  "  "those  who  won't;"  "those 
who  can't."  The  first  accomplish  everything;  the 
second  oppose  everything,  and  the  third  fail  in 
everything. 


'Tis  not  what  we  eat,  but  what  we  digest,  that 
makes  us  strong;  not  what  we  gain,  but  what  we 
save,  that  makes  us  rich ;  not  what  we  read,  but 
what  we  remember,  that  makes  us  wise ;  and  not 
what  we  profess,  but  what  we  practice,  that  makes 
us  Christians. 


83         ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


CENSURE. . 

When  you  feel  inclined  to  censure 
Acts  of  others  which  you  know, 

Ask  your  conscience,  ere  you  venture, 
If  it  has  not  failings  too? 


CENTENNIAIi. 

The  dress,  in  the  year  '76  that  was  worn, 
Is  forgotten  and  lost,  and  new  fashions  are  born ; 
*Tis  at  the  Centennial  all  prices  advance, 
And  we  take  all  our  fashions  from  England  or 
France, 

With  a  hundred  silk  dresses,  and  velvets  a  score. 
And  a  thousand  small  ornaments,  just  as  before; 
A  jacket  or  cloak,  as  fancies  prevail, 
Strung  with  beads  or  with  flowers,  to  embroider 
the  tail, 

A  pin-back  of  course,  stoekings  striped  to  the  knees, 
Leaving  men  to  imagine  just  what  they  please ; 
A  bonnet  as  large  as  a  butterfly's  wing, 
Pinned  on  to  the  hair,  or  tied  with  a  string ; 
Add  now  to  such  nonsense  a  smile  or  a  nod, 
When  at  the  Centennial  you'll  bethought  "a-la 
mode. " 


CHARITY. 

Charity,  after  death,  to  those  who  would  give 
nothing  while  living,  is  but  bequeathing  a  fund  to 
erect  a  monument  to  selfishness. 


ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS.  33 


Such  is  the  chanty  of  some  men,  that  they  "owe 
no  man  "  ill-will,  always  making  payment  in  ad- 
vance. 


To  others  let  me  always  give, 
What  I  from  others  would  receive : 
Good  deeds  for  evil  ones  return, 
Nor,  if  provoked,  with  anger  burn. 

—  WatU. 


Some  men  are  so  charitable,  that,  if  they  meet  a 
beggar  on  one  wooden  leg,  they  will  still  reserve 
their  alms  until  they  meet  another  with  two.,  as  the 
most  worthy. 

If  universal  charity  prevailed,  earth  would  prove 
"a  heaven  begun  below,"  but  hell  would  be  a 
mystery  and  a  fable. 

In  all  distresses  of  our  friends, 

We  first  consult  our  private  ends, 

A  dime  to  charity  we  give. 

But  grasp  a  dollar.,  on  to  live; 

This  consolation  thus  we  take, 

The  Lord  requires  "one-tenth we  make." 

"Let  generous  charity  adorn  your  zeal. 

The  noblest  impulse  virtuous  minds  can  feel. " — Rill. 


34  ORIGIN' AL  AND  SELECTED  BEMARKS. 


CHART. 

If  any  man,  who  has  reached  the  period  of  throe 
score  years  and  ten,  was  given  a  chart  of  his  life 
by  the  recording  angel,  he  would  find  the  blots  and 
"errata"  so  numerous  as  to  prevent  the  discovery 
of  what  was  pure  and  good. 

CHASTITY. 

' '  Bid  me  leap  from  off  the  battlements  of  yonder 
tower,  or  lurk  where  serpents  are ;  chain  me  with 
roaring  lions ;  shut  me  nightly  in  a  charnel-house, 
covered  with  dead  men's  bones ;  or  hide  me  in  a 
shroud,  and  bid  me  go  into  a  new-made  grave — 
tilings,  that  to  hear  them  told,  have  often  made 
me  tremble ! 

Yet,  all  this  I'll  do,  without  a  fear  to  move, 
To  live  a  wife,  of  chastity  and  love." 

CHEERFULNESS. 

"With  mirth  and  laughter,  let  old  wrinkles  come, 
Yet  let  my  liver  rather  heat  with  wine, 
Than  my  heart  cool  with  mortifying  gloom. " 

— Shalcspea-e. 

CHILDREN. 

"Train  up  a  child  in  the  way  he  should  go," 
but  first  go  in  the  way  you  would  train  up  the 
child. 


OBIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS.  35 


Every  child  that  comes  into  the  world  is  a  dele- 
gated prophet,  to  herald  good  tidings,  and  "to  turn 
the  hearts  of  the  fathers  to  the  children,  and  to 
draw  the  disobedient  to  the  wisdom  of  the  just." 


CHIVAILIIY. 

"  Could  deeds  my  heart  discover, 
Could  valor  gain  your  charms, 

I'd  prove  myself  your  lover 
Against  a  world  in  arms." 


CHIlISTIAm.TY. 

We  should  embrace  Christianity,  even  on  motives 
of  prudence ;  for  if  it  be  false,  we  cannot  be  injured 
in  believing  it;  but  if  true,  an  awful  destiny  in  re- 
jecting it. 

Tliere  is  nothing  noble  and  generous  in  human 
character,  nothing  amiable  and  virtuous  in  society, 
nothing  just  and  honorable  in  politics,  which  is 
not  brought  out  and  develope'd  in  the  Christian 
religion. 

■  With  one  half  of  the  world,  civilization  has  led 
to  Christianity ;  whilst  in  the  other  half,  Christian- 
ity is  loading  to  civilization. 


36         ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


CIGAR. 

"Alone,  I've  yet  one  solace  left, 

Which  cheers  my  broken  heart. 
And  in  that  thought  a  thousand  hopes 

Come  springing  into  birth. 
How  beautiful  the  vision  seems. 

Amidst  life's  troubled  cares, 
To  drink  a  glass  of  good  champagne 

And  smoke  the  best  cigars." — McGdbe. 


Should  wicked  thoughts  your  visions  mar, 
Sit  down  and  smoke  a  good  cigar ; 
Lean  back  your  head,  throw  up  your  heels, 
And  dream  away  of  "  Elysian  "  fields. 


COMMANDMENTS. 

P,  R,  S,  V,  R,  Y,  P,  R,  F,  C,  T,  M,  N,  V,  R, 
K,  P,  T,  H,  S,  P,  R,  C,  P,  T,  S,  T,  N. 
Use  the  letter  E,  and  decipher : 

"Persevere  ye  perfect  men, 
Ever  keep  these  precepts  ten." 


COMPASSION. 

Compassion  proper  to  mankind  appears, 
Which  nature  witnessed  when  she  gave  us  tears; 
To  show  by  pitying  looks  and  melting  eyes, 
How  with  a  suffering  friend  we  sympathize. 


Who  can  all  sense  of  others'  ills  escape  ? 
Is  but  a  brute,  at  best,  in  human  shape. 


I 


OP.IGIXAL  Ayi)  SELECTED  EEMAEKS.  37 


COXPLAIN. 

Though  life  to  some  is  a  pleasant  dream 

Or  oft'tunes  mixed  with  sorrow. 
And  though  the  clouds  seem  dark  lo-daj 
They  may  clear  o5  to-morrow. 
Then  go  ahead,  nor  be  afraid, 

A  better  life  to  gain. 
You  will  succeed  in  the  hour  of  need 
If  you  never  will  complain. 


COITRTIEE. 

*•  True  courtiers  should  be  honest,  not  over  nice, 
Bold,  but  not  impudentj  and  free  from  every  vice.'' 

— CTia-priian, 


_  CBEATION, 

Prior  to  the  great  beginning. 

When  there  was  no  heaven  or  earth, 
TVhen  there  was  no  sun  or  star-light, 

TThen  Creatio    had  no  bdrth; 
TThy  was  silence  ever  broken-' 

TVhy  was  man  to  weakness  born? 
TThy  were  devils  made  to  tempt  him? 

Why  was  he  left  on  earth  to  mourn? 
Vast  and  searching  are  these  questionSj 

Piercing,  probing  to  the  core, 
Looking  back  beyond  Creation. 

Was  there  nothing,  nothing  more  I " 


I 


38         ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


CRITICISM. 

*'  Authors  are  partial  to  their  own,  'tis  true, 
And  so  are  critics  to  their  judgment,  too; 
Let  such  teach  others,  who  themselves  excel, 
And  censure  freely,  who  have  written  well." 


* 'Where  nature  moves  and  rapture  charms  the  mind, 
Survey  the  whole,  nor  seek  slight  faults  to  find ; 
A  perfect  judgment  reads  each  work  of  wit 
With  the  same  spirit  that  its  author  writ. 
'Let  such  teach  others,  who  themselves  excel, 
And  censure  freely,  who  have  written  well." — Pope. 


CBITICS. 

"Approves  to  day,  what  yesterday  he  cursed. 
Censures  the  wise,  yet  extols  the  worst ; 
Pray,  who  can  tell,  so  coarse  the  dirt  he  lays, 
Which  daubs  the  most,  his  slander  or  his  praise  I" 

— Sprague, 


"Critics  are  sentinels  in  the  grand  army  of  let- 
ters, stationed  in  the  columns  of  newspapers,  to 
challenge  the  writings  of  every  recruited  author." 

— Longfellow. 

CONCEIT. 

Conceited  thoughts,  indulged  without  control, 
Exclude  all  future  knowledge  from  the  soul. 
For  he  who  thinks  himself  already  wiae, 
Of  course,  all  future  learning  will  despise ; 


ORTGiyAL  A^D  SELECTED  REMARKS.  39 


Ah !  but  for  this,  how  many  might  have  been 
Just — Reputable — wise — and  honest  men. 

Some  men  through  life  assume  a  part 
For  which  no  talents  they  possess, 

Yet  wonder  still,  with  all  their  art, 
They  meet  no  better  with  success. 


Devoid  of  talent,  manner,  wealth. 

Of  obscure  origin  himself, 

Forgets  the  land  whereon  he  grew, 

And  thinks  himself —  the  Lord  knows  who ! 

CONTRIBUTION. 

Not  a  part  of  Christian  faith  among  the  things 
to  be  believed,  but  a  part  of  Christian  practice 
among  the  things  to  be  performed. 

CONVERSATION, 

"Let  your  conversation  be  pleasant,  withoufc 
scurrility;  witty,  without  affectation;  free  without 
indecency;  learned,  without  conceit,  and  novel, 
without  falsehood." 

Tho'  conversation  in  its  better  part 
May  be  esteemed  a  gift  and  not  an  art, 
Yet  much  depends  to  all  the  gifted  toil 
On  proper  culture  in  a  proper  soil. 

The  object  of  all  conversation  is  to  entertain  and 
amuse;  society,  therefore,  to  be  agreeable  should 
never  be  made  the  arena  of  dispute. 


40         ORIOINAL  AND  SELECTED  EE  MARKS. 


The  pleasure  of  conversation  consists  in  the  en- 
joyment of  each  other's  excellencies,  and  not  in  the 
triumph  of  each  other's  imperfections. 

Conversation  is  the  music  of  the  mind ;  it  is  an 
intellectual  orchestra,  where  all  the  instruments 
should  play  a  part,  yet  only  one  play  his  part  at 
the  proper  time. 

Some  men  are  silent  for  want  of  information,  but 
how  many  are  talkative  for  want  of  sense ! 

A  man  too  full  of  conversation  is  like  an  over- 
flowing fountain — the  sui-plus  soon  creates  a  puddle. 

In  conversation  sometimes  we  find 
That  men  are  differently  inclined ; 
With  talent  quite  distinct,  yet  each, 
Mark'd  by  peculiar  powers  of  speech ; 
With  tempers  too,  as  much  the  same 
As  milk  or  acid,  ice  or  flame ; 
Their  speech  by  properly  sustaining 
May  all  prove  highly  entertaining. 

Don't  talk  too  much,  and  then  you've  nought  to 
fear, 

But  say  what's  sensible;  let  others  hear; 

In  tills  the  skill  of  conversation  lies, 

And  which  will  make  you  both  polite  and  wise. 


OEIGIXAL  AXD  SELECTED  EEMARES. 


41 


Few  persons  think  less  of  vrliat  tliey  say  than  an- 
swering correctly  what  is  said  to  them ;  "tis  listen- 
ing attentively  and  answering  to  the  purpose  that 
constitutes  the  perfection  of  conversation. 

COWARD. 

''That  man  who  lays  his  hand  upon  a  woman, 
save  in  some  generous  act  of  kindness,  is  a  wretch, 
and  whom  to  call  a  coward  would  be  the  basest 
flattery." — Tobin. 



"Thou  coward  slave,  thou  little  valiant,  but 
great  in  villainy,  ever  strong,  when  on  the  stronger 
side,  who  dost  not  fight  but  when  fortune  teaches 
safety.  Thou  rampant  fool  to  wear  a  lion's  hide; 
dofi  it  for  shame  and  hang  a  sheepskin  on  tiiy 
recreant  limbs. " — SJiahspeare. 

COBRUPTIOIT. 

"  What  mortal  power  from  things  unclean 

Can  pure  productions  bring? 
Who  can  command  a  vital  stream 

From  an  infected  spring?  " 


COURTSHIP, 

A  little  sighing,  a  little  crying,  a  little  d^dng, 
and  a  little  lying. 


42         ORiaiNAL  A^D  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


*'  There's  nothing  like  manoeuvering  in  season, 
Ye  parents  who  have  daughters  to  dispose  of. 

Especially  if  you  have  any  reason 

To  think,  like  spinisters,  they  will  not  go  off. 

There  may  be  one  in  twenty  thousand  chances 

Some  man  with  money  may  propose  advances." 


"  He  that  would  win  his  girl  mnst  do 
As  love  does  when  he  draws  his  bow: 
"With  one  hand  thrust  his  lady  from. 
But  with  the  other  pull  her  home." — Butler. 


*'Now  stir  the  fire  and  close  the  shutters  fast, 
Let  fall  the  curtain,  wheel  the  sofa  round ; 

Well  talk  of  love  till  midnight's  hour  is  past, 
"While  the  old  folks  in  bed  are  sleeping  sound.'' 

— Dawes. 


'Tis  sweet  to  court  a  pretty  girl,  but  ah,  alas,  how 
bitter. 

To  be  refused  by  her  you  love,  and  find  you  can- 
not gel  her. 

How  swiftly  pass  the  hours  away. 

When  thou,  dear  girl,  art  by  my  side ; 

With  thee  each  year  would  seem  a  day 
Should  you  consent  to  be  my  bride. 


'Tis  ecstacy  when  happy  lovers  meet, 

In  some  lone  spot,  where  not  a  sound  is  heard, 


OEIGIXAL  AXD  SELECTED  REMABKS.  43 


Save  their  own  sighs,  or  the  unequal  beat, 
Of  their  young  hearts  to  tender  wishes  stirr'd. 

^Vhen  hand  seeks  hand  and  melting  Mances 
tell, 

The  unutter'd  tale  of  lore — too  sweetly  well." 

_  —Mrs.  \Yelly. 

"Flatter  and  praise  commend — extol  their  graces, 
Tho'  ne'er  so  ugly,  say  they  have  angel's  faces; 
That  man  wlio  has  a  tongue  is  no  man, 
If  witli  that  tongue  he  cannot  win  a  woman." 

— Sfiakspeare. 

COTJRTING. 

"As  rivers  which  their  sources  find 

In  mountain  summits  parted  wide, 
They  meet  at  last  and  find  the  sea, 
To  mingle  in  one  common  tide ; 
So  we. of  diflerent  states  and  clime, 

Strangers  for  years,  our  race  did  run, 
Till  fate  decreed  in  course  of  time 

Our  fortunes  should  be  merged  in  one." 

— Jfrs.  Toicnsend. 

True  did  the  fates  my  hopes  decree 

TThen  at  the  springs  I  tarried. 
'Twas  there  I  met  the  one  I  loved, 
"\IVliom  afterwards  I  married. 

Altho-  from  difierent  states  we  came 
Our  mutual  pledges  taken, 
The  tide  of  union  changed  the  name 
Of  S  into  A  . 


44         ORIQINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


Good-night,  good-night,  my  dearest, 

How  fast  the  moments  fly, 
'Tis  time  to  go — thou  hearest 

The  city  watchman's  cry : 

Past  twelve  o'clock. 

O !  stay  a  moment  longer, 

Alas!  why  is  it  so? 
The  wish  to  stay  grows  stronger 

And  yet  'tis  time  to  go. 

Past  one  o'clock. 

Now  wrap  your  shawl  around  you, 

I  think  the  clock  is  wrong, 
For  when  I  am  without  you, 

The  hours  are  twice  as  long." 

Past  two  o'clock. 

Again  I  hear  that  warning. 

Had  ever  time  such  flight? 
Methinks  the  day  is  dawning 

The  hour  is  past  midnight. 

Past  three  o'clock. 

Sweetheart,  I  say  good-night! 

rd  like  to  talk  some  more, 
The  moon  is  at  its  height. 

Now,  pray,  show  me  the  door. 

Past  four  o'clock. 

Well,  if  you  thus  will  leave  me, 
Don't  take  me  by  surprise, 


ORIG-IXAL  AXD  SELECTFD  EEIIAEKS. 


Just  wait  one  iiour  longer 
And  tlien  the  snn  will  rise. 

Past  five  o'clock. 

COaUETTE. 

Vain  with  the  idea,  she  every  man  can  please, 
She  spends  her  life  in  learning  whom  to  tease, 
Her  affectation  meets  with  no  regard, 
Contempt  from  women  is  her  last  reward. 

A  kind  of  fish  which  neither  hook  or  line, 
Xor  snare,  or  trap,  or  net,  can  make  her  thine, 
She  must  be  baited  and  be  tickled  too. 
Or  she  will  not  be  caught  what'er  you  do. 


I  will  not  marry,  for  I  cannot  get 
The  man  I  want,  but  one  I've  yet 
To  choose  from  all.  at  least  a  score ; 
But  ah.  alas  I   I  siirh  for  more. 


"  TVho  has  not  heard  coquettes  complain 

Of  half  their  life  mispent  in  vain? 

For  time  that's  lost  they  pine  and  waste, 

But  love's  sweet  pleasures  never  taste." — Gay. 

There  are  too  many  among  the  fair  sex  so  unre- 
liable that  were  you  to  offer'  one  of  them  a  mint- 
julep  she  would  spurn  the  idea  of  drinking  it.  but 
at  the  same  time  would  take  a  French  liqueur  "  if 
she  ever  knew  its  ingredients  were  the  same  as  the 
julep 


4-Q         ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  EEMAJ2KS. 


COFFIN. 

There  is  one  piece  of  furniture  wliich  we  al^ 
want  aud  must  have,  and,  strange  to  say,  we  never 
purchase  it,  yet  our  friends  pay  for  it  after  we  ire 
dead.    It  is  our  coffin. 


CONTENTMENT. 

Contentment  here  will  add  far  more 

Of  bliss  than  we  possessed. 
By  faith  we  can  secure  a  home. 
And  be  forever  blessed. 

Then  why  should  we,  let  troubles  rise 

"When  earthly  good  retires  ? 
For  here  "there's  no  abiding  place," 
But  one^  Mdien  life  expires. 


Tho'  humble  be  my  little  cot 

With  wife  and  children  nigh, 
I  am  contented  with  the  spot 
Which  money  cannot  buy. 
'Tis  not  the  mighty  piles  of  gold 

That  sweetens  life  alone, 
But  knowing  what  you  have  and  hold. 
Is  honestly  your  own. 


'"Tis  better  to  be  lowly  born, 
And  range  with  humble  livers  in  content, 
Than  to  be  perk'd  up  in  a  glistering  grief 
And  wear  a  golden  sorrow." 


ORIGINAL  A:sI)  SELECTED  EEMARKS.  47 


'"Tis  said  that  frail,  inconstant  man, 

Is  ne'er  content  with  what  he  is ; 
Each  thinks  he  can  in  others  scan 

A  happiness  more  pure  than  his." — Watson. 

The  wicked  are  never  liappy,  although  possessed 
of  everything  the  world  can  give;  the  righteous  are 
never  miserable,  although  deprived  of  evertliing 
the  world  can  take  away. 

CONSPIRACY.  " 

"Between  the  acting  of  a  dreadful  thing 
And  the  first  motion,  all  the  interior  is 
Like  a  vision  or  a  hideous  dream; 
'Tis  then  we  suffer  (like  a  little  kingdom) 
The  nature  of  an  insurrection." 

COMPLIMENT, 

Delicate  minds  may  be  disgusted  by  compli- 
ments, although  such  compliments  would  please 
those  of  a  grosser  intellect.  Some  persons  who 
despise  flattery  are  more  easily  flattered  by  being 
told  that  they  despise  it. 

COIilPIlOTiIISE. 

"Where  parties  are  obstinate  or  punctilious,  a 
slight  condescension  may  effect  a  great  deal ;  a  drop 
of  oil  may  set  a  machine  in  motion,  when  a  gallon 
of  vinegar  would  only  corrode  it. 


48 


ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


CONSTITUTION, 

The  Federal  Constitution  ,was  ratified  by  tlie 
original  States  as  follows,  viz : 

Delaware,  Dec.  7,  1787. 
Pennsylvania,  Dec.  12,  1787. 
New  Jersey,  Dec.  18,  1787. 
.     Georgia,  Jau'y  2,  1788. 
Connecticut,  Jan'y  9,  1788. 
Massachusetts,  Feb'y  6,  1788. 
Maryland,  April  28,  1788. 
South  Carolina,  May  23,  1788. 
New  Hampshire,  June  21,  1788. 
Virginia,  June  26,  1788. 
New  York,  July  26,  1788. 
North  Carolina,  Nov.  21,  1789. 
Rhode  Island,  May  29,  1790. 


CONTEMPL  A.TION. 

"  From  every  object  in  creation 

We  get  a  hint  for  contemplation. 

And  from  the  basest  and  the  mean 

A  virtuous  mind  can  morals  glean." — Gay, 


CONSCIENCE. 

' '  Not  all  the  glory  or  the  praise, 
That  decks  the  hero's  prosperous  days, 
The  shout  of  men,  the  laurel  crown, 


ORIGINAL  AXD  SELECTED  BE  HARKS.  49 


Tlie  loud  applause  of  just  renown 

Can  conscience's  dreadful  sentence  droTvn." 

— Eolford. 


"  In  early  youtli  the  conscience  rarely  gna^vs, 
So  much  as  when  in  riper  years  it  draws. 
But  at  three  score  and  ten.  the  account  of  evil 
Shows  a  heavy  credit  balance  with  the  Devil." 

— Byron. 

CONPIDENCE.      '         *^  , 

He  that  tells  his  friends  all  he  thinks  about 
them,  may  rest  assured  those  friends  will  tell  his 
enemies  much  they  do  not  tliink  of  lihn. 


CONSOLATION. 

All  things  must  fade  in  course  of  time, 

Our  brighest  prospects  fly. 
The  fairest  thing  in  all  the  earth 

Is  only  bound  to  die. 
Console  thyself,  nor  let  thy  cares 

To  this  poor  world  be  given, 
Xor  let  the  thought  be  once  forgot, 

We'll  have  a  home  in  heaven. 


It  should  be  a  comfort  to  us  all.  in  affiiction, 
cares  and  calamities,  that  if  we  lose  anything  and 
get  more  wisdom  by  the  loss,  we  are  still  the 
gainer  in  the  end. 


50 


VEIQINAL  AND  SELECTED  EEMARKS. 


COTTNTRY. 

"  Whenever  the  wide  o]d  kitchen  hearth 

Sends  up  its  smoky  curls, 
'Tis  then  I  enjoy  so  many  things 

From  the  hands  of  our  country-girls. 
Let  city  prudes  who  roll  in  silk 

Or  set  at  the  costly  board. 
Just  think  of  the  bowl  of  l)utter-milk 

By  homespun  beauty  poured. 

These  are  the  ones  who  all  through  life 
Make  the  best  material  for  a  wife." 


"Let  Spain  boast  the  treasures  that  grow  in  her 
mines ; 

Let  France,  too,  rejoice  in  her  olives  and  vines; 
In  bright,  sparkling  jewels,  let  India  prevail, 
And  Arabia's  sweet  odors  perfume  every  gale; 
'Tis  our  union  of  States  which  gives  us  a  fame, 
That  protects  every  man  with  liberty's  name." 


COUNTENANCE. 

"  His  very  face  was  a  full  receipt  (already 
stamped)  for  perfidy,  cowardice  and  villany; 
'twould  make  a  scarecrow  in  a  field  of  scoundrels.'* 

COBSET.  . 

"No  longer  should  the  body  tightly  laced, 

From  the  full  bosom  to  the  slender  waist, 

To  give  a  shape  or  harmony  express, 

Small  by  degrees,  and  beautifully  less." — Prior, 


CEIGIXAL  AXD  SELECTED  REMARKS.  51 


CHURCH. 

"Some  go  to  cliurcli  just  for  a  walk, 
Some  go  there  to  laugh  and  talk ; 
Some  go  there  the  time  to  spend, 
Some  go  there  to  meet  a  friend : 
Some  go  to  learn  the  parson's  name, 
Some  go  there  to  spread  his  fame ; 
Some  go  there  for  speculation, 
Some  go  there  for  ohservation  ; 
Whilst  others  go  to  sleep  and  nod, 
How  few  go  there  to  worship  God." 


CURIOSITY. 

"As  dov\m  a  pane  of  glass  two  rain-drops  chase. 
Curious,  we  watch  to  see  which  wins  the  race; 
Or  let  two  dogs  beneath  our  window  fight, 
"We'd  stop  our  prayers  just  to  enjoy  the  sight.'' 

— Spragv^. 

CTJIISES. 

"  3Iay  the  grass  wither  beneath  his  feet  1  the 
woods  deny  him  shelter  I  the  earth  a  home  I  the 
dust  thereof  a  grave,  and  Heaven  a  God !  and  for 
my  sympathy  let  Hell  be  his  abiding  place." — 

Byron. 

DANDY, 

Tho'  your  figure  be  gracefully  deck'd, 
And  your  nature  be  tender  and  kind, 

With  the  girls  you  secure  no  respect. 
They  say  you're  deficient  in  mind. 


52 


ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


By  the  smile  that  sliines  in  your  face 

And  the  manner  in  which  you  are  dressed, 
The  soul  of  discernment  can  trace 

What  the  minds  of  these  girls  have  expressed. 
With  such  weakness  your  notions  abound 

As  you  boldly  your"  nonsense  declare, 
Each  one  of  them  surely  has  found 

Such  a  fool  won't  do  for  the  fair. 
That  you  are  deficient  in  taste, 

Will  surely  be  known  round  about. 
That  you  should  leave  their  presence  in  haste 

Precludes  the  least  shadow  of  doubt. 


Fantastic,  proud,  and  always  vain, 
From  such  a  man  you've  nought  to  gain, 
He  laughs  with  counterfeited  glee 
At  others'  jokes — no  joke  has  he ; 
His  emptiness  will  sure  betray 
A  shallow  stream  from  a  muddy  way. 


False  this  doctrine  I  do  aver, 
Loolcs  we  oft  interpret  wrong. 

Women,  like  men,  too  often  err^ 
In  eyes,  in  looks,  in  heart  and  tongue. 


DEBAUCH. 

"The  joys  from  such  pleasures  do  often  arise 
From  passion  and  lust,  and  are  never  sincere. 
They  are  taken  in  haste,  or  snatched  by  surprise, 
Interrupted  by  doubt  and  created  in  fear." 


OBIGIXAL  AXD  SELECTED  EE2IAF.KS. 


53 


DEATH. 

"Soon  will  tills  lingering  spark  of  vital  flame 

Forsake  its  languid,  melancholy  frame! 

Soon  will  these  eves  their  trembling  lustre  close, 

To  sink  in  dreamless  sleep  of  long  repose! 

Soon  will  this  troubled  spirit  seek  the  bourne, 

Where  hushed  in  slumber  grief  forgets  to  mourn!  " 


"^rethinks  I  saw  the  ghastly  spectre  stand. 
Roll  the  dim  eye  and  wave  the  palid  hand ; 
His  sleepless  spirit  stalking  from  the  tomb, 
Fortells  my  fate  and  summons  me  to  come." 


"  0,  may  I  (with  life's  last  prayer  still  trembling 

on  my  lips) 
Sink  to  repose  in  calm  unrulfied  peace, 
Like  the  mild  glory  of  the  setting  sun, 
And  when  the  mighty  change  shall  come, 
May  I  awake,  bright  as  the  orb  of  day, 
When  from  the  east  he  rises  in  his  strength, 
To  prove  there  is  a  God." 

The  man  who  is  bom  but  once,  dies  twice — but 
he  that  is  bom  twice  dies  but  once. 


How  awful  must  thy  summons  be,  O,  death  1 
To  him  who  is  at  ease  in  all  his  wealth  ; 
Counting  all  things  as  pleasure  whilst  at  home, 
Yet  losing  ell  his  interest  in  the  world  to  come. 


54         ORlOmAL  AND  SELECTED  REMAEKS. 


The  time  draws  near,  a  few  brief  days  will  close 
To  me  this  transitory  scene  of  joys  and  woes; 
Each  knell  of  time  now  warns  toe  to  resign 
All  hope,  and  peace,  and  friendship,  which  were 
mine. 


The  grave  is  near  the  cradle  seen, 
The  moments  swiftly  pass  between, 

And  whisper  as  they  fly: 
Unthinking  man,  remember  this, 
Now  fond  of  every  worldly  bliss. 

You  must  be  called  to  die. 


Death  has  been  called  "the  King  of  terrors;"  he 
is  certainly  the  terror  of  kings;  and  if  he  be  an 
evil  without  end,  he  is  likewise  an  end  of  all  evil. 

DEBT. 

Take  my  advice,  for  it  is  good  and  'tis  true. 

Although,  dear  friend,  you  may  doubt  it, 
I'll  tell  you  the  secret,  it  may  benefit  you, 

I  have  tried  it,  and  know  all  about  it; 
'Tis  simply  this :  don't  incur  debt  any  more, 

'Tis  the  worst  of  all  things  to  bring  sorrow, 
Just  think  of  the  man  who  calls  at  your  door 

For  a  debt  you  put  off  till  "to-morrow.  " 
So  don't  go  in  debt  but  take  tliis  advice. 

If  your  clothes  are  all  faded  and  greasy, 
Fit  them  up,  wash  them  out,  'tis  better  by  far; 

When  out  of  debt,  you  can  take  the  world  easy. 


OEIGIXAL  AXD  SELECTED  REMARKS.  55 


There's  nothing  that  I  fear  of  all  the  worldly  ills, 
So  much  disturbs  my  mind  as  the  grocer's  lengthy 
bills, 

For  in  my  better  days  I  got  credit  such  a  way, 
Which  now  I  find  indeed  so  troublesome  to  pay. 


DECEIT. 

Some  there  are  who  tell  you  oft, 

'Tis  wrong  to  trust  these  cruel  men, 
They  will  deceive  in  accents  soft, 

And  cheat  the  sex,  nine  out  of  ten ; 
But  when  the  truth  you  would  discover 

Look  him  boldly  in  the  eye, 
Then  you'll  find,  if  a  true  lover. 

His  looks  alone  will  truth  supply. 


Oh !  who  can  tell  where  the  maid  is  found 

Whose  heart  can  love  without  deceit, 
I'll  travel  all  the  world  around 

To  kneel  one  moment  at  her  feet ; 
Show  me  on  earth  a  thing  so  rare 

Then  I  will  prove  the  fact  most  true, 
To  make  one  maid  sincere  and  fair 

Would  be  the  utmost  heaven  could  do. 


Her  hand,  the  softest  I  ever  felt. 

When  cold  would  burn,  when  dry  would  melt; 

It  was  her  heart  so  many  cheated, 
Just  like  an  icicle  when  heated. 


58         ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


"  I  have  tasted  the  sweets  and  the  bitters  of  love; 

In  friendship  I  early  was  taught  to  believe ; 
My  passion  the  matrons  of  prudence  reprove, 

I  have  found  that  a  friend  may  profess — yet 
deceive." 


"  The  ivy  climbs  the  crumbling  hall 

To  decorate  decay, 
And  spreads  its  dark  deceitful  pall 

To  hide  what  wastes  away." 


"If  you  desire  a  length  of  days, 
And  peace  to  crown  your  mortal  state, 

Restrain  your  feet  from  impious  ways, 
Your  lips  from  slander  and  deceit. 


DEPRAVITY. 

"Our  nature's  totally  depraved. 

The  heart  a  sink  of  sin. 
Without  a  change  we  can't  be  saved. 

We  must  be  born  again. 


Nothing  can  atlord  us  a  more  proper  apprecia- 
.  tion  of  the  depravity  of  human  nature  than  an 
exact  knowledge  of  our  own  corruption. 

DESIGN. 

When  any  great  designs  thou  dost  intend, 
Think  on  the  means,  the  manner  and  the  end. 


OEIGIXAL  AXD  SELECTED  BEITAEKS. 


57 


"  He  that  intends  well,  yet  deprives  Mmself  of 
means  to  put  his  good  thoughts  into  deeds,  deceives 
his  purpose  of  the  due  reward." 

DESPAIR. 

"  The  fond  illusions  I  have  cherished, 
At  last,  too  true,  they  all  have  perished, 
Anticipations  once  so  fair, 
There's  nothing  which  I  cannot  bear. 
In  pain  or  p»leasure  but  des]:air. 

TThen  we  in  darkness  walk, 

Xor  heed  the  spmt's  flame, 
'Tis  time  to  put  our  trust  in  God 

And  call  upon  his  name. 

DESTINY. 

How  many  men  are  wheeled  to  hell  in  a  chariot 
of  pleasure  1  How  many  are  whipped  to  heaven  by 
the  scourge  of  affliction  I 

DISAPPOINTMENT. 

Xow,  such  is  man's  philosophy, 
TVhen  woman  proves  untrue, 

The  loss  of  one  should  teach  him — 
"Why,  make  some  other  do. 

Whilst  in  the  dark,  on  her  soft  hand  I  hung. 
And  lieard  tlie  sweetest  lispings  of  her  tongue, 
"What  thought,  what  darts,  what  anguish  I  endured. 
But  when  she  struck  a  light — my  love  was  cured. 

— Marslial. 


58         ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


"I  loved  her  well,  I  would  have  loved  her  better, 
Had  love  met  love,  but  that  confounded  letter 
Give  me  to  understand  I  could  fiot  get  her. 


I  loved  Miss  Emma  dearly, 

Her  favor  I  have  prized. 
She  caught  me  first  and  early 

By  the  beauty  of  her  eyes; 
The  hopes  my  soul  had  cherished 

Has  withered,  one  by  one, 
And  though  her  love  has  perished, 

I  live  to  linger  on. 
Perchance,  some  future  day 

That  love  may  be  restored, 
And  I  be  called  to  love  again 

The  girl  I  once  adored. 


DISCONTENT. 

"  'Tis  said  that  frail,  inconstant  man, 
Is  ne'er  content  with  what  he  is ; 

Each  thinks  he  can  in  others  scan 

A  happiness  more  pure  than  his." — Watson. 


DISCRETION. 

May  all  her  beauties,  like  my  hopes,  be  blasted, 
And,  sorrow,  shame,  and  sickness  overtake  her; 

Just  twelve  long  months  my  love  for  her  has  lasted, 
But  now  'tis  prudence  calls  me,  to  forsake  her. 


ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  BEMABKS.  59 


DISEASE. 

"  Some  men  are  brought  to  worse  distresses 

By  taking  phj'sic  than  diseases; 

And,  therefore,  generally  recover 

Just  as  the  doctors  give  them  over. ''^—Butler. 


DISPOSITION". 

"It  was  not  mirth;  for  mirth  she  was  too  still, 
It  was  not  music ;  for  that  she  had  no  will, 
But  a  pleasing  conversation,  which,  with  ease, 
Pleased  all  about  her,  from  a  desii-e  to  please." 

— Byron. 

DISSENSION. 

"  Alas!  how  slight  a  cause  may  move 
Dissension  between  hearts  that  love ; 
Hearts  that  the  world  in  vain  had  tried, 
And  sorrow  but  more  closely  tied." — Moore. 


DISSIPATION, 

By  certain,  fixed,  and  settled  laws  of  Nature  ex- 
cess brings  on  its  own  jDunishment,  and  dissipation 
destroys  that  constitution  which  temperance  would 
preserve.  Every  debauchee  "offers  up  Ms  body 
a  living  sacrifice  to  sin." 

DISTANCE. 

In  the  United  States  a  mile  is  1,760  yards. 
"  England  "       1,760  " 

*'  Netherlands  "       1,093  " 


60         OEiamAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


In  Germany,  a  mile  is  10,120  yards. 
"  France,  "       3,025  " 

"  Scotland,  "  1,984  " 
"  Ireland,  "       2,038  " 

"  Sweden,  "     11,700  " 

"  Spain,  "       2,472  " 


DIVORCE. 

'Twas  once  I  hovered  ronnd  about  you 
And  thought  I  could  not  live  without  you, 
But  as  we've  lived  six  months  asunder, 
How !  I  lived  with  you,  is  a  wonder. 


DOUBT, 

Cowardice  asks,  Is  it  safe?  Expediency  asks, 
Is  it  politic  ?  Vanity  asks,  Is  it  popular  ?  Con- 
science asks.  Is  it  right  f 


'Tis  a  question  I  must  parry, 

Or  a  wayward  truant  prove ; 
Wliere  I  love  I  cannot  marry. 

Or  where  I  marry  cannot  love. 
Love  will  never  bear  enslaving, 

So  it  cannot  prove  the  best ; 
Bliss  itself  is  not  worth  having 

If  by  compulsion  only  blest. 


In  many  cases  where  we  doubt  the  propriety  of 
doing  a  thing,  we  ask,  Is  there  any  harm  in  it?  but 
never  think  of  a  better  answer.  Is  there  any  harm 
in  letting  it  alone  and  not  doing  it? 


ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


61 


DREAM. 

''Alas!  I  wake ;  'tis  gone,  for  never 

Mine  such  bliss  can  ever  be ; 
Or  I  wonld  sleep,  and  sleep  forever, 

Could  I,  thus  alv-ays  dream  of  Thee." 

DREAMS, 

''Dreams  are  but  interludes  which  Fancy  makes; 
"When  mighty  Reason  sleeps  this  mimic  wakes ; 
How  many  monstrous  forms  in  sleep  we  see, 
TThich  neither  were,  nor  are,  nor  e'er  can  be." 

— Dryden. 

DRESS.  ' 

The  dress  of  a  modern  lady  is  a  perfect  mystery: 

It  is  flounced  and  frilled ;  furbelowed  and  fluted  ; 
folded  and  frizzled  ;  paniered  and  puffed  ;  jDinned 
back  and  plaited  ;  sashed  and  shirred  ;  corded  and 
corseted;  looped  and  laced  ;  bowed  and  buttoned; 
trailed  and  twisted,  with  other  innumerable  at- 
tachments— characteristic  of  the  Centennial. 


DRUNKENNESS. 

'*  ]\Ian,  with  raging  drink  inflamed, 
Becomes  more  savage  and  untamed  ; 
Supplying  loss  of  wit  and  sense 
With  blasphemy  and  insolence. 
And  thinks  himself,  the  less  he's  able, 
Heroic,  brave,  and  formidable, 
Whilst  others  see  'tis  all  in  vain 
Until  he's  sobered  down  again." 


62         ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


"Time  wears  me  away," 
Says  tihe  drunkard  each  day, 

"Ere  I  scarce  have  arrived  at  my  prime;  " 
"Hold!  Hold!  not  so  fast," 
Says  the  scholar  in  haste, 

"For  I  think  it  is  you,  that  wastes  time." 


"  Man,  bein2f  reasonable,  must  get  drunk. 
The  most  of  life  is  but  intoxication ; 

Glory  and  wine  and  love  and  gold — in  all  are  sunk 
The  hope  of  every  man  and  every  nation." 

— Byron. 

Every  living  creature  that  exists  becomes  thirsty^ 
but  it  is  only  man  that  quenches  his  thirst  by 
drunkenness. 

Strange,  men  will  drink  until  they  sink 

In  damning,  deep  despair; 
With  liquid  fire  destroy  the  mind, 

If  pressed  with  grief  or  care. 
'Tis  only  man  that  doth  carouse 

In  bumpers  flowing  o'er, 
Whilst  adding  to  his  grief  and  care 

He  suffers  more  and  more. 

DUELLING. 

"Honor's  a  puff  of  noisy  breath, 
Still  men  expose  their  blood 

To  gain  an  everlasting  death, 
Yet  loose  all  earthly  good." 


^jei&ixal  axd  selected  remarks.  63 


"If  all  'seconds'  were  as  averse  to  duels  as 
their  •  princiijals, '  it  niiglit  spare  many  'valuable 
lives.'' 

•■It  lias  a  strange,  quick  jar  upon  the  ear, 
This  cocking  of  a  pistol,  when  you  know 

A  moment  more  will  bring  the  sight  to  bear 
Upon  your  body,  ten  paces  off  or  so/" — Byron. 

EATING, 

The  turnpike  road  to  people's  hearts  I  find 
Lies  thro'  their  mouths,  or  I  mistake  mankind." 

— Pindar. 


It  has  been  clearly  demonstrated  that  a'  man  of 
threescore  years  and  ten  will  consume  in  sixty 
years  as  follows : 

Of  beef.  1-2.000  pounds;  of  pork.  9.000  pounds; 
of  mutton.  10.000  pounds:  of  poultry,  20.000 
poimds ;  of  fish,  IS,  000  pounds:  of  salt  meats. 
8.000  pounds:  of  vegetables.  17,000  pounds;  of 
pastry,  6.500  pounds:  of  fruit.  3.500  pounds;  of 
butter,  3.300  pounds;  of  eggs,  15.000:  of  bread, 
7.000  pounds;  of  wine.  1.000  gallons;  of  alco- 
holic hquors,  800  gallons;  of  tea  and  coffee,  3,600 
gallons;  of  confectionery,  5.000  pounds.  Total, 
120.000  pounds  per  year.  It  is  not  one  pound  per 
day  for  three  meals,  everything  included. — Soyer. 


64:         OEiamAL  AND  SELECTED  BEMARKS. 


ECONOMY. 

He  who  lives  according  to  the  dictates  of  IsTature 
will  never  be  poor;  whilst  he  who  violates  her 
laws  by  luxury  and  extravagance  will  never  be  rich. 

ECSTACY, 

"  A  taste  of  such  bliss  is  a  life  ere  it  closes, 
'Tis  the  sweetness  of  fragrance  from  thousands  of 
roses. " —  Wetmore. 


"Love,  fame,  ambition,  avarice — are  all  the  same, 
For  all  are  meteors  by  a  different  name." — Byron. 


EDTJCATION, 

"  Why  did  my  parents  send  me  to  the  schools. 

That  I  with  knowledge  might  enricli  my  mind, 
Since  the  desire  to  learn,  first  made  men  fools, 

And  did  corrupt  the  root  of  all  mankind?"' 

— Spencer. 


A  base  assertion,  tho'  by  Spencer  made, 

Unless,  perchance,  he  was  the  fool  in  question; 

If  learning  proves  corruption  to  mankind, 
Then  truly  he  has  made  a  wise  suggestion. 

EGOTISM. 

Some  men,  to  gain  a  little  more  of  fame, 
Do  oft  claim  kindred  with  a  better  name; 
Filled  up  with  vanity,  devoid  of  common  sense, 
They've  nought  to  boast  of,  but  their  impudence. 


ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  EEMARKS.  65 


ELOaUENCE. 

"  There's  a  charm  in  deliveiy,  a  magical  art, 
That  thrills  like  a  kiss  from  the  lip  to  the  heart; 
'Tis  the  look,  the  expression,  the  well-chosen  word, 
By  whose  magic  and  power  onr  feelings  are  stirr'd. 
'Tis  the  smile,  with  the  gesttire — the  soul-stirring 
pause — • 

The  eye's  sweet  expression,  that  melts  while  it 
awes — 

The  kind,  soft  persuasion  and  musical  tone — 
Oh!  such  are  the  charms  of  an  eloquent  one." 

— Mrs.  Walby. 

"He  scratched  his  ear,  the  infallible  resource, 
To  which^embarrassed  people  have  recourse,'- 

— Byron. 

' '  His  words  of  learned  length  and  thundering  sound 
Amazed  the  gazing  crowd  collected  'round ; 
Yet  still  they  gazed,  and  still  the  wonder  grew. 
That  one  small  head  should  carry  all  he  knew." 

—  Goldsmith. 

"  At  length  he  ceased;  that  silence  now  was  broke 
Wliich  reign'd  triumphant  while  our  hero  spoke; 
And  then  was  heard,  amidst  the  general  pause, 
One  simultaneous  burst  of  loud  applause." — ■  Watson. 


"The  popular  harangue,  the  grand  debate, 

The  last  reply,  the  logic,  wisdom,  wit, 

Then  the  loud  laugli — I  love  to  hear  them  all." 

—  Cow  per. 


66 


ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


Men  are  more  eloquent  than  women  made, 
But  women  are  more  powerful  to  persuade ;  " 
'Tis  when  they  want  a  shawl  or  silken  dress 
They  show  what  powers  of  speech  they  do  possess. 


EMBRACIJ. 

The  roses  on  your  cheek  were  never  made 
To  bless  the  eye  alone  and  then  to  fade ; 
Nor  had  the  cherries  on  your  lips  their  being, 
To  please  no  other  sense  than  that  of  seeing; 
But  both  ambitious  for  celestial  bliss. 
The  point's  decided,  when  you  get  a  kiss. 


EMOTION. 

"  I  think  there  is  a  certain  love  between  us, 
For  Cupid,  that  little  artful  boy  of  Venus, 
Has,  with  his  arrow,  pierced  my  heart  so  skillful 
Deeply  I  feel  the  wound,  but  'tis  quite  willful." 


ENGLAND. 

"  A  power  whose  possessions  have  dotted  the  sur- 
face of  the  whole  globe,  whose  navy  may  be  seen 
to  whiten  every  harbor,  whose  morning  drum  may 
be  heard  with  the  rising  sun,  and,  keeping  com- 
pany with  the  hours,  circles  the  earth  with  one 
continued  and  unbroken  strain  of  the  martial  notes 
of  England." 


OEIGIXAL  A  XD  SELECTED  EEMAEKS. 


67 


ENJOYMENT. 

"  Consider  man  in  every  sphere, 

Then  tell  me,  is  your  lot  severe? 

'Tis  murmur,  discontent,  distrust, 

That  make  one  wretched ;  God  is  just ; 

We're  born  a  restless,  needy  crew. 

Show  me  a  happier  man  than  you." — Gay. 


ENNUI. 

The  only  element  of  our  nature  which,  if  added 
to  a  deep,  damning  sense  of  guilt,  extinguishes 
every  pleasure  on  earth,  and  creates  a  hell  w^ithin 
the  soul,  of  its  own  origin. 

ENVY. 

He  who  would  free  from  envy  pass  his  days 
Must  live  obscured,  and  never  merit  praise. 


"If,  on  the  sudden,  man  begins  to  rise 
No  other  man  can  count  his  enemies." 

"Many  persons  speak  the  truth  when  they  say 
'  that  they  despise  riches  and  promotion,'  but  they 
mean  the  riches  and  promotion  of  other  men." 

EPITAPH. 

"  Underneath  this  stone  doth  lie 
As  much  virtue  as  could  die, 
"Which  when  alive  did  vigor  give 
To  as  much  beauty  as  could  live." 


68         ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  EEMARK8. 


"  Beneath  this  slab  my  wife  doth  he, 
She's  now  at  rest  and  so  am  1. 
Just  keep  that  shib  in' proper  plight, 
For  if  she  rises,  there'll  be  a  fight." 

"Life  is  a  jest,  and  all  things  show  it, 
I  thought  so  once,  but  now  I  know  it." 

"As  Adam  first  by  Eve  was  fooled, 
A  case  that's  still  quite  common ; 

Here  lies  a  man  by  woman  ruled, 

But  the  Devil  ruled  the  woman." — Burns. 


Underneath  this  slab  doth  lie. 
Back  to  back,  my  wife  and  I. 
When  the  last  trump  the  air  shall  fill, 
If  she  wakes  up  I'll  just  lie  still. 

ERROR. 

Tlie  errors  which  we  commit  to-day  should  guard 
us  against  those  we  are  likely  to  commit  to-morrow. 

ESTEEM. 

However  high  a  man  may  estimate  himself,  the 
world  will  judge  him  by  any  other  standard 
than  his  own. 

ETERNITY, 

A  day  without  yesterday,  or  to-morrow — a  line 
without  an  end. 


OEIGIXIL  ASD  SELirCTED  REMARKS.  69 


A7aen  Gabriel  rings  the  last  bell  of  the  uni- 
verse, the  sermon  to  be  preached  on  that  occasion 
Tvill  be  strictly  heard,  and  command  the  attention 
of  all  created  intellects. 


Eremity  is  a  depth  which  no  geometry  can  mea- 
sure, no  arithmetic  calculate,  no  imagination  con- 
ceive, and  no  rfietoric  describe. 


ETIQUETTE. 

•■Eriqiierte  is  the  barrier  which  society  dravrs 
around  itself  as  a  protecrion  against  oiiences  which 
the  'law'  cannot  meddle  with." 


So  much  depends  upon  suavity  of  manners  that 
some  people  with  all  their  merits  become  disgust- 
ing, whilst  others  become  agreeable  with  all  their 
imperfections. 

EXAMPLE, 

'•For  as  the  light 
Xot  only  serves  to  show,  but  renders  us 
Mutually  profitable ;  so  our  lives, 
In  acts  exemplary,  not  only  win 
Ourselves  good  names,  but  do  to  others  g:\xQ 
Matter  for  vii'tuous  deeds,  by  which  we  live." 

—  Cliaiyman. 


70 


ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMAEKS. 


EXCELLENCE. 

That  man  whose  moral  or  intellectual  excellence 
has  caused  envj,  malice,  or  hatred  during  life,  is 
the  surest  to  be  revered  for  his  excellence  when 
consigned  to  the  tomb. 

He  who  acquires  excellence  in  any  manner  at  the 
expense  of  morals  is  not  profited  by  his  education. 

EXERCISE. 

Rise  early  and  take  exercise  in  plenty, 

But  always  take  it  with  your  stomach  empty; 

Eat  slowly,  but  masticate  your  food, 

Then  go  to  work  again,  'twill  do  you  good. 

Don't  call  a  doctor  ever  to  attend  you. 

In  health  youll  live  until  old  age  will  end  you. 

EXTRAVAGANCE. 

He  that  buys  what  he  does  not  want  w^ill  soon 
want  what  he  cannot  buy. 

EYES,  ^  ' 

"The  fair  black  eye,  the  melting  blue, 

I  cannot  choose  between  the  two ; 

But  she  is  dearest,  all  the  while, 

Who  throws  on  me  the  sweetest  smile." — Holmes. 


Just  as  the  sun  doth  glorify  the  skies. 

So  is  her  face  illuniin'd  by  her  eyes ; 

And  tho'  the  sun  must  set,  nor  moon  shine  bright, 

Those  eyes  will  sparkle  like  the  stars  at  night. 


ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS.  71 


"  From  the  glance  of  her  eye 
Shun  clanger  and  fly, 

For  fatal's  the  eye  of  Kate  Kearny." 
I'll  do  no  such  thing, 
But  to  Kate  Kearny  cling 

In  despite  of  such  Irish  blarney. 


In  those  dark  eyes  the  grief  of  years  I  trace, 
And  sorrow  seems  acquainted  with  your  face. 

FACTS. 

A  firm  faith  is  the  best  divinity;  a  good  life  the 
best  philosophy;  a  clear  conscience  the  best  law; 
honesty  the  best  policy;  and  temperance  the 
best  physic. 

The  greatest  pleasure  of  life  is  love ;  the  greatest 
treasure,  a  true  friend ;  the  greatest  possession, 
health ;  the  greatest  ease,  sleep ;  and  the  greatest 
medicine,  contentment. 

FAITH. 

"'Tisonlyto  confess, 

And  humbly  to  believe. 
That  what  you  ask  in  Jesus'  name 

You  surely  will  receive." — Watts. 


Whate'er  may  be  your  want 
Go  tell  Him  all  you  need ; 


Put  all  your  trust  in  Him  alone, 
And  this  is  faith  indeed. 


73         ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


Faith  sustains  the  same  relation  to  works  that 
lightning  does  to  thunder.  "JFaith  without  works 
is  dead,"  and  lightning  without  thunder  is  inef- 
fective. 

PAL.SEHOOD. 

Falsehood,  though  often  rocked  by  truth,  soon 
outgroAvs  the  cradle  and  discharges  the  nur^e. 

Some  men  are  so  notorious  for  speaking  lies  that 
tliey  are  not  believed  when  they  tell  the  truth, 
whilst  men  of  undoubted  veracity  are  believed 
though  they  utter  what  is  false. 

FAME. 

If  we  would  perpetuate  our  fame  we  must  do 
sometliing  worth  writing,  or  write  something 
worth  reading. 

"With  fame  in  just  proportion  envy  grows, 
The  man  that  makes  a  character,  makes  foes." 

—  Young. 

Not  always  so,  for  some  have  made  a  fame 
By  generous  deeds,  and  left  a  noble  name. 

It  was  a  wise  remark  of  Cato:  ''I  would  rather 
posterity  should  inquire,  why  no  statues  were 
erected  to  my  memory,  than  why  they  were." 


ORIGINAL  AXD  SELECTED  REMARKS.  73 


"What  is  the  end  of  fame?  'Tis  but  to  fill 
A  certain  portion  of  uncertain  paper; 

Some  say  'tis  climbing  up  a  hill, 

Whose  summit  is  forever  lost  in  vapor." 

— Byron. 

FAMINE. 

Lo!  a  dread  famine  stalks  abroad  the  land, 
Omniscient  God  withholds  His  bounteous  hand; 
Sinners,  behold  a  righteous  judgement  sent 
On  your  accursed  heads  for  time  misspent. 

 o-^«  

FANATICISia. 

"  A  fictitious  fen-or  in  religion,  fanned  by  false 
enthusiasm,  inflamed  by  hatred,'' 

FAREWELL. 

Fare  thee  well,  yet  think  awhile, 
On  one  who  would  not  dare  to  doubt  you ; 

I'd  rather  see  that  pleasant  smile 

And  die  at  home  than  live  without  you. 

— Moore. 

My  weeping  eyes  may  nevermore  behold  thee., 
My  feeble  arms  may  never  more  enfold  tliee., 
To  this  sad  heart  I  never  more  may  press  tkce^ 
But  day  and  night  I  ever  more  shall  bless  thee. 


Who  can  conceive  who  has  not  proved 
The  anguish  of  a  last  embrace, 

When  forced  from  lier  you  truly  loved 
And  bid  a  long  farewell  in  peace? 


74         ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


FARMERS, 

"  Princes  and  lords  may  flourish  or  may  fade, 
A  breatli  can  make  them  as  a  breath  hath  made ; 
But  a  bold  peasantry,  their  country's  pride, 
If  once  destroyed  can  never  be  supplied." 

—  Goldsmith. 

FASHION.  ~       *^  " 

Pray,  why  should  I  mingle  in  Fashion's  base  herd. 

Why  crouch  to  her  leaders  or  cringre  to  her  rules? 
"Why  bow  to  the  proud  or  approve  the  absurd, 

Or  search  for  delight  in  the  friendship  of  fools? 

Fashion's  an  idol  which  we  all  adore 

Both  men  and  women  praise  her,  less  or  more, 

If  once  a  tailor  doth  some  style  conceiv^e, 

We  leave  our  measure  and  his  taste  believe ; 

Or  milliner,  with  not  less  skill,  transforms  a  dress, 

And  then  the  pocket  suffers  more  or  less. 

FASTING. 

' '  Is  the  diet  of  angels,  the  food  of  souls,  and  fche 
nourishment  of  grace." — Lowtlie. 

FATE. 

"'Tis  with  an  equal  pace  impartial  Fate 
Visits  the  palace  and  the  cottage  gate." 

— Pope. 

"  'Tis  true  the  world  must  turn  upon  its  axis. 
And  all  mankind  turn  with  it,  heads  or  tails: 

We  live  and  die,  make  love  and  pay  our  taxes, 
And  as  the  wind  doth  shift  we  set  our  sails." 

— Byron. 


ORIGIXAL  AXD  SELECTED  FcEMAUKS.  75 


FAULT. 

If  tlie  faults  of  the  most  pious  man  on  earth 
\rere  engraved  on  his  forehead,  they  vrould  natu- 
rally make  him  pull  his  hat  over  his  forehead  to 
conceal  the  same. 
PAYOR, 

He  who  receives  a  favor  should  never  forget  it; 
but  he  who  bestows  one  should  never  remember  it. 

FEATTJIIE. 

''Bright  as  the  sun  which  glorifies  the  sky, 
So  is  her  face  illumined  by  her  eye ; 

But  if  she  frowns  we  stand  aghast  and  wonder, 
Just  as  the  lightning,  which  foretells  the  thunder." 

FEMALE. 

Fee-simple,  or  a  "simple  fee,-' 

Or  all  the  fees  in  tail, 
Are  nothing  when  compared  to  thee — 

TJiou  best  of  fees — Female. 

FEVEB, 

Thus  when  a  raging  fever  burns, 
TVe  shift  from  side  to  side  by  turns; 
And  yet  a  poor  relief  we  gain, 
AVe  change  the  place,  yet  keep  the  pain. 

FICTION.  ^ 

When  fiction  rises  pleasing  to  the  eye, 
31en  will  believe  because  tliey  love  a  lie; 
But  truth  itself,  if  clouded  with  a  frown. 
Must  have  some  better  proof  to  pass  it  "round." 

—  Churchill. 


7f>         ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


FIUMNESS, 

To  meet  adversity  without  an  exhibition  of  ill- 
humor,  and  to  enjoy  prosperity  without  symptoina 
of  exultation,  are  the  chief  characteristics  of  a  firm 
and  noble  mind. 


"The  noble  mind  uncouscious  of  a  fault, 
Ko  flattery  can  bend  or  smiles  exalt ; 
Like  the  firm  rock  that  in  mid-ocean  braves 
The  war  of  whirlwinds  and  the  dash  of  waves." 


TTRST  LOVE, 

From  the  first  hour  she  caught  my  sight 
I've  thought  of  her  both  day  and  night; 
She  kept  my  heart  forever  glowing, 
]S"o  other  girl  could  make  a  showing; 
Whilst  she  my  fancy  seem'd  to  take 
I  loved  her  for  her  own  dear  sake. 


FLATTERY. 

"  'Tis  an  old  maxim  in  the  schools^ 
That  flattery  is  tlie  soul  of  fools. 
And  now  and  then  there're  men  of  wit 
Will  condescend  to  take  a  bit." 

—Swift. 


The  love  of  flattery,  altho'  concealed  by  art, 
Reigns  more  or  less  and  grows  in  every  heart; 
The  proud  to  gain  it,  toils  on  toils  endure, 
The  model  shun  it — but  to  make  it  sure. 


OEIGJXAL  ASD  SELECTED  LEMARKS. 


77 


A  man  ^vho  flatters  to  tlie  fair 

Ma}'  oft  succeed,  but  should  beware 

Of  her  whose  wisdom  might  perceive 

He  flatters  only  to  deceive; 

For  sc)me  there  are  withai:iodest  grace 

Shine  more  in  knowledge  than  in  face. 


FLIHT. 

In  diamonds,  curls  and  rich  brocades, 
She  shines  among  the  dancing  maids, 

And  flutters  in  her  pride; 
She'll  waltz  and  flirt  and  nonsense  talk 
With  her  painted  lips  and  cheeks  of  chalk. 

And  wish  she  were  a  bride. 


She's  like  a  dipper  at  a  hydrant — every  one  may 
drink  of  it  but  none  dare  take  it  away. 


I  see  no  guile  upon  her  face, 

At  least  to  look  one  would  believe  so ; 

She  seems  a  paragon  of  grace, 

But  yet  tliese  flirts  they  can  deceive  so. 


FOLLY. 

"When  lovely  woman  stoops  to  folly 
And  find  too  late  that  men  betray. 

What  charm  can  sooth  her  melancholy, 
What  art  can  wash  her  guilt  away? 


78         ORIGINAL  AND-  SELECT  WD  REyiARKS. 


The  only  art  her  guilt  to  cover, 

To  hide  her  shame  from  every  eye, 

To  give  repentance  to  her  lover, 
And  wring  his  bosom — is  to  die." 

—  Goldsmith. 


When  a  man  pretends  to  wit  of  sense, 
Wishes  to  shiue  at  your  expense,- 
Ask  him  to  explain,  and  then  will  you 
His  ignorance  and  folly  show. 


FOOL. 

The  fool  in  nature  stares  with  stupid  eyes 
And  open  mouth  that  testifies  surprise; 
He  moves  along,  unknowing  what  he  sought. 
And  whistles  as  he  walks  for  want  of  thought. 


FORBEARANCE. 

"  The  kindest  and  the  happiest  pair 

Will  find  occasion  to  forbear. 

And  something  every  day  they  live. 

To  pity,  and  perhaps  forgive." — Cowper. 


FORGIVEITESS. 

Oh,  may  I  walk  in  perfect  faith,  and  by  that  pre- 
cept live, 

Which  call  so  loud  on  every  man — "to  give  and 
to  forgive." 


OBIGIXAL  AXD  SELECTED  REMARKS.  79 


FOBGOTTEN. 

i.       Forget  thee !    No,  there  still  exists 

A  place  within  my  heart, 
Tf  hicli  I  shall  ever  keep  for  thee, 

Dear  friend  where'er  thou  art; 
Wherever  fate  shall  mark  thy  path 

By  mountain,  plain  or  sea. 
Thy  presence  I  shall  not  forget, 

For  I'll  remember  thee. 

POUTITUDE. 

There  is  nothing  in  life  more  sweet  to  a  tender 
sensibility  than  to  find  a  loving  wife  who  has  trod 
the  patlis  of  afiluence,  suddenly  rising  in  mental 
force  under  misfortune,  who,  with  an  unshrinking 
firmness,  comforts  her  husband  during  the  bitter 
blasts  of  adversity.    'Tis  Fortitude  personified. 

FORTUN'E. 

There  is  no  fortune,  however  good,  that  may  not 
be  reversed,  none  so  bad  that  it  cannot  be 
improved. 

^The  sun  that  rises  in  splendor  may  set  in  gloom, 
and  that  which  is  obscured  by  clouds  may  set  in 
grandeur. 

Let  not  one  look  of  Fortune  cast  you  down ; 
She  were  not  Fortune  if  she  did  not  frown; 
Those  who  act  noblest,  bear  her  scorns  awhile, 
Prove  those  at  last  on  whom  she  most  will  smile. 


80         ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


The  mutability  of  fortune  is  such  that  the  poor 
have  but  httle  to  lose,  whilst  the  rich  have  a  great 
deal  to  fear. 

^  "There  is  a  tide  in  the  affairs  of  men, 
Which  at  flood-tide  to  fortune  tends ; " 
But  Shakspeare  never  told  us  when 
The  tide  goes  down — to  him  who  spends. 


"  As  many  a  shaft  at  random  sent, 
Finds  mark  the  archer  little  meant; 
So  many  a  word  at  random  spoken, 
May  soothe  or  wound  a  heart  that's  broken." 

Scott. 

PBEEDOM.  ~ 

"  Easier  is  it  to  hurl  the  rooted  mountain  from 
its  base  than  force  the  yoke  of  slavery  upon  men 
determined  to  be  free." 


Oh,  Freedom!  Liberty!  Heaven's  best  gift  to  man, 
To  execute  at  will  each  wondrous  plan; 
Deprived  of  Freedom  all  our  joys  grow  dim, 
Tho'  pleasure's  cup  should  overflow  tlie  brim; 
Yet  there's  a  freedom,  oh!  most  glorious  thought, 
Kot  to  be  fetter'd  or  in  bondage  brought ; 
Freedom  of  conscience  — 'bove  the  world's  control 
To  light  forever  the  immortal  soul. 

FHIENDSHIP. 

T  hate  that  fi'iendsh'p  which  doth  need 
A  moneyed  bribe  its  fires  to  feed; 


OBIGIXAL  AXD  SELECTED  REMARKS.  81 


'Tis  that  which  acts  the  nobler  part 
That  comes  unfettered  from  the  heart. 

The  friendship  of  that  man  who  sticks  by  yoii 
in  the  thirk  hours  of  adversity,  is  far  more  reliable 
than  that  of  him  who  seeks  the  sunshine  of  your 
prosperity. 

I'd  rather  meet  a  l^rare  and  manly  foe, 
(Courage  and  cauelor  may  avert  his  blow,) 
But  of  all  men,  great  heaven,  thy  wrath  can  send, 
Save  me,  I  jDray  thee,  from  a  drunken  friend. 


"  How  much  to  be  priz'd  and  esteemVl  is  a  friend, 
On  wdiom  we  can  always  with  safety  depend : 
Our  joys  w^hen  extended  will  always  increase, 
And  griefs,  w^hen  divided,  are  hushed  into  peace." 

— Smith. 

'•"Who  shall  compare  Love's  mean  and  gross  desire, 
To  the  cliaste  zeal  of  Friendsliip's  sacred  fire? 
Love  is  a  sudden  blaze  which  soon  decays 
But  Friendship  like  the  sun's  eternal  rays — 
No  powder  on  earth  can  e'er  exhaust  the  flame 
Which  shines  so  bright  and  ever  burns  the  same. " 

_______  —Gay. 

'Tis  always  in  the  choice  of  friends 
Our  good  or  evil  name  depends ; 
Who  friendship  with  a  knave  hath  made 
Is  judged  a  partner  in  the  trade." 


83         ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


In  calm  composure  I  had  fondly  thought, 
In  thee  I  found  the  friend  my  heart  had  sought; 
I  fondly  dreamed  ere  Summer's  days  were  gone 
Tliy  heart  and  mine  would  mingle  into  one. 

He  is  a  happy  man  who  finds  a  friend  in  need, 
but  he  is  more  fortunate  who  never  needs  a  friend. 

That  friendship  you  boast  of  deserves  not  the  name, 
For  friendship  and  love  are  forever  entwined; 

Whilst  yours  is  deceit  and  is  never  the  same, 
As  it  comes  from  a  lieart  that  is  never  refined. 


Friendship  often  ends  in  love, 
But  love  in  friendship  never; 

The  reason  why — if  love  be  true — 
Friendship  is  merged  forever. 

FUNERALS. 

Every  funeral  is  but  an  additional  notice  of 
preparation  for  death;  to  neglect  this  warning  in 
youth,  is  like  sleeping  on  our  post  of  danger,  with 
the  enemy  in  sight ;  but  to  disregard  it  in  old  age, 
is  to  sleep  during  the  attack. 

Yes,  day  by  day,  and  month  by  month  we  passed, 

It  pleased  the  Lord  to  take  my  spouse  at  last ; 

I  tore  my  gown,  I  soiled  my  head  with  dust, 

I  smote  my  breast,  as  lonely  widows  must ; 

Before  my  face  my  handkerchief  I  spread, 

To  hide  the  flood  of  tears  I  did  not  shed.— Pojoe. 


ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


83 


"Why  is  the  liearse,  with  fringe  and  velvet  round, 
Or  deck'd  with  nodding  plumes  of  ostrich  crou^ned? 
The  dead,  who  know  it  not,  no  profit  gain, 
But  yet  it  serves  to  prove,  the  living  vain  Gay. 


PTJTUE-ITY. 

"  The  earth,  with  its  varied  face,  is  but  the  sym- 
bol of  the  'Past,'  whilst  the  pure  air  of  heaven  is 
the  symbol  of  the  'Future.'  " 



GAMBLING. 

"  Some  play  for  gain;  to  pass  the  time,  some  play 
For  nothing;  others  play  the  fool  I  say; 
But  neither  time,  nor  money,  idly  spend, 
For  though  you  gain  by  play,  you're  loser  in  the 
end." — Heath. 


Four  persons  sat  down,  at  a  table  to  play, 
They  played  all  the  niglit,  and  part  of  next  day, 
Ko  others  played  with  them,  and  when  they  were 
seated, 

Each  played  for  himself,  not  one  of  them  cheated; 
And  when  they  rose  up,  eacli  was  winner  a  dollar, 
If  you  decipher  this  riddle,  I'l  think  you're  a 
scholar. 


GENIUS. 

Such  is  the  fate  of  genius:  to  pass  through  life, 
with  little  sympathy,  and  less  cash. — '•''Sam  Slick.^^ 


84      oeigijval  and  selected  remarks. 


Katiire  scatters  the  seeds  of  genius  to  the  winds, 
and  though  some  are  choked  by  the  tliorns  of  ad- 
versity, others  strike  root  and  struggle  into  sun- 
shine, to  spread  over  their  birth-place  the  beauties 
of  prosperity. 

The  majority  of  mankind  may  sneer  at  the  noble 
soul  they  cannot  imitate,  and  rebuke  the  nature 
they  cannot  comprehend,  but  Genius,  like  tlie 
fabled  bird  of  Eden  in  its  upward  flight,  will  re- 
flect from  its  pinions  the  radiant  hues  of  Paradise. 

GENTLEMAN. 

"His  years  but  young,  but  his  experience  old. 
His  head  unmellow'd,  but  his  judgment  ripe, 
And  in  a  word — 

He  is  complete  in  feature,  and  in  mind. 
With  all  the  graces  that  adorn  a  gentleman." 


"I  do  not  think  a  braver  gentleman. 
More  active,  valiant,  or  more  valiant  young, 
More  daring  or  more  noble,  is  now  alive. 
To  grace  society  with  noble  deeds." 

— Shakesipeare. 

GIULS. 

*'  Girls,  a  simple  tale  I  would  relate, 
And  the  lesson  you  must  carry. 

Choose  not  alone  a  proper  mate, 

But  a  proper  time  to  marry." — Cowper, 


OBIGIXAL  AXD  SELECTED  REMARKS.  85 


GOD, 

Some  men  believe  there  is  no  God  to  conticle  in; 
yet  they  find  a  God  to  svrear  by;  the  oath  exem- 
plifies its  own  value. 

"The  seas  shall  waste,  the  skies  in  smoke  decay, 
Rocks  fall  to  dust,  and  mountains  melt  away; 
But  fix'd  His  word.  His  saving  power  remains, 
His  realm  forever  lasts,  the  great  Jehovah  reigns." 

GOLD. 

All  is  not  gold  that  glitters, 

Though  it  makes  tlie  vulgar  stare. 

For  those  we  deem  tlie  richest 
Have  oft  the  least  to  spare. 

An  idol  worshipped  in  all  countries,  without  a 
single  temple,  and  by  all  classes,  in  every  climate, 
without  a  hypocrite. 

GOOD-BYE. 

Good-bye  dear  friend,  to  you  good-night. 
With  pleasing  dreams,  and  slumbers  light; 

But  stop  a  moment — won't  you  take 

Something  good  for  your  stomach  sake? 

Indeed  I  will — since  I  come  to  think — 
Come  join  me  in  a  final  drink. 

GOSPEL. 

"Oil!  how  many  still  are  found, 
Strangers  to  its  joyful  sound, 


86  ORIGIN  A  L  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


Ffitlier,  let  Thy  kingdom  come, 

Bring  these  wandering  sinners  home." 


"  Go  preach  my  gospel,  saith  the  Lord, 
Bid  the  whole  earth  my  grace  receive ; 

He  shall  be  saved  who  trusts  my  word, 
He  shall  be  damned  who  won't  believe." 

—Watts. 

GOSSIP. 

Some  men  (and  women,  too,  often)  addicted  to 
this  vice,  are  like  narrow-necked  bottles :  the  less 
they  have  in  them  in  truth,  the  more  fuss  they 
make  in  pouring  it  out. 


Don't  talk  about  your  neighbors, 

Their  sorrows  or  their  cares; 
Youl'l  find  enough  to  do,  sir, 

To  mind  your  own  affairs. 
The  world  is  full  of  idle  folks, 

You.  can  afford  to  shirk. 
For  there's  crowds  of  people  ready 

To  do  such  dirty  work. 


Said  Mrs.  C.  to  Mrs.  A., 

In  quite  a  confidential  way, 

"  It  seems  to  me  that  Mrs.  B. 

Takes  too  mucli  something  in  her  tea." 

I'lien  Mrs.  A.  went  right  away 

And  told  a  friend  that  very  day: 


CRIGIXAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


87 


' '  How  sad  to  tliink !  "  with  a  cruel  wink, 

"That  Mrs.  B.  was  fond  of  drink." 

So  Mrs.  B.  saw  Mrs.  C. — 

*'  What's  that,  you  wretch,  you  said  of  me  ?  " 

"I  only  said,  'It  appeared  to  me 

"  You  mixed  a  liquor  in  your  tea ; '  " 

"  Suppose  I  did — what's  that  to  you  ? — 

To  scandalize  your  neighbor  too — 

You  know  full  well,  if  you  would  think, 

There's  nothing  like  a  pleasant  drink, 

"When  one  feels  bad,  we  something  take, 

As  the  scripture  say,  'for  your  stomach's  sake.'  " 


GOVEHNMENT, 

"In  a  free  country  there  is  often  much  com- 
plaint with  little  suffering;  whilst  in  a  despotic 
government  there  is  little  complaint  but  much 
grievance." 

GBACE. 

'Tis  not  by  works  of  righteousness, 
Which  our  own  liands  have  done ; 
But  we  are  saved  by  sovereign  grace, 
Abounding  through  the  Son. —  Watts. 


The  "Grecian  Bend"  in  a  woman  is  not  so 
graceful  as  the  bend  over  the  wash-tub,  or  tlie 
cradle,  much  less  bending  at  the  altar  in  prayer. 


88         ORIGIXAL  AND  SELECTED  REMAEKS. 


GRACES. 

There's  many  a  girl  Avill  pass  as  ^\fair,^^ 
Because  a  merry  lieart  dwells  there; 

Wliilst  otliers  with  more  beauty  shine, 
Drest  up  like  peacocks,  all  so  fine ; 

The  reason's  plain;  so,  boys,  beware. 

Good  looks  with  manners  won't  compare. 


GRATITUDE. 

Those  who  feel  the  spu'it  of  gratitude  in  receiv- 
ing a  kindness,  only  want  an  opportunity  to  dis- 
play the  spirit  of  generosity  in  bestowing  one. 


All  that  I  own  and  all  I  have 
Sliall  be  forever  thine; 

Whate'er  my  duty  bids  me  give 
My  cheerful  hands  resign. 


GRAVE. 

"  Here  masters,  servants,  poor  and  rich, 
Partake  the  same  repose, 
And  here  in  peace  their  ashes  mix. 
Of  those  who  once  w^ere  foes. " 


The  last  public  inn,  "wnth  lodgings  for  one," 
A  bed  of  cold  earth,  when  life's  journey  is  done, 
With  a  slab  at  your  head,  a  stone  at  your  feet. 
To  point  out  the  carcass  which  the  vermin  shall 
eat. 


OEIGiyAL  AXD  SELECTED  EEMARKS.  89 


GRIEF. 

As  sparks  l)reak  out  from  burning  coals, 
And  still  are  upward  borne; 

So  grief  is  rooted  in  our  souls, 
And  man  grows  up — to  mourn. 


Oh  !  'tis  not  in  giief  to  barm  me, 
AVben  such  tender  love  I  see; 

Kor  can  any  joy  deceive  me, 
If  that  love  be  bid  from  me. 


GUILT. 

Indeed,  no  tortures  which  the  poets  feign 
Can  match  the  tierce,  unutterable  pain 

He  feels  who  night  and  daj^ — devoid  of  rest — 
Carries  his  own  accuser  in  bis  breast. 

—Gifford. 

SAEIT. 

Mankind  in  crowds,  thro'  force  of  habit  stray. 
Mislead  each  other  into  Error's  way; 
Sin  by  mistake,  and  without  tliought  offend, 
Pursue  the  road,    forgetful  of  the  end. 


HAPPINESS. 

If  you  ask  me  from  what  my  happiness  flows, 
The  answer  is  short — From  my  icife;  " 

Her  cheerfulness,  sense,  and  good  nature  I  cliose 
As  the  beauties  and  charms  of  her  life. 


90 


ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMAEKS. 


Could  we,  whilst  in  this  world  of  ours, 
Reject  the  weeds,  and  keep  the  flowers. 

What  a  heaven  on  earth  we'd  make  it; 
So  bright  a  home  would  be  our  own, 
We'd  see  tlie  angels  coming  down, 

And  by  possession  take  it. 

The  surest  means  of  finding  happiness  in  every- 
thing is  to  seek  pleasure  in  nothing. 

"Pure  and  exalted  love,  founded  on  charms, 
both  mental  and  corporeal,  constitutes  the  highest 
happiness  on  earth  ;  yet,  for  anything  we  know  to 
the  contrary,  may  form  the  lowest  happiness  of 
heaven." 

"This  world  can  never  give 
Tlie  bliss  for  which  we  sigh; 

'Tis  not  the  whole  of  life  to  live, 
Nor  all  of  death  to  die." — Watts. 


If  happiness  on  wealth  were  built, 
Rich  rogues  might  comfort  find  in  guilt; 
As  grows  the  miser's  hoarded  store, 
His  fears  and  wants  increase  the  more. 


I  often  Avish  that  I  had  clear 

A  thousand  dollars  every  year; 

A  handsome  house,  a  loving  wife, 

With  friends  and  health  thro'  all  my  life. 


OEIGIXAL  ASD  SELECTED  EEZIAEKS.  91 


Lol€,  Fame,  Anibition.  Azarice.  "tis  all  the  same, 
For  all  are  meteors,  by  a  different  name. 

— Bur  on. 


Tnere's  nothing  sought  in   life  h^jt  harm  doth 
bring. 

Even  to  be  happy  is  a  dangerous  thing. 


The  best  way  to  enjoy  happiness  is  to  keep  both 
mind  and  body  so  busy  that  you  -will  have  nc 
spare  time  to  be  miserable. 


Indeed,  I  -would  not  now  complain, 
If  all  the  crowd  were  gone; 

For  I  could  find  more  happiness, 
TTere  you  and  I  alone. 


HAH  VEST. 

TVhat  noble  fruits  the  fields  produce, 
The  vineyards  yield  a  pleasing  juice ; 
The  grove,  the  garden,  and  the  field 
A  thousand  joyful  blessings  yield. 

—  Thorn  son . 

HATRED. 

'•Oh I  that  I  and  he  were  on  the  waves  together, 
"VTith  but  one  plank  between  us  and  destruction, 
Tbat  I  miglit  grasp  him  in  these  desperate  arms, 
To  plunge  him  'midst  the  stormy  billows. 
And  view  him  gasp  for  liie.'^ — Jfafurin. 


93 


OniGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


"Now  hatred  is  by  far  the  longest  pleasure, 
We  love  in  haste,  but  show  our  hate  at  leisure." 

— Byron. 


"  When  I  loved  you,  I  can  but  allow, 
I  had  many  an  exquisite  minute ; 
But  the  scorn  I  feel  for  you  now 

Hath  even  more  luxury  in  it. 
So  whether  we're  off  or  we're  on, 

Some  witchery  seems  to  await  you  ; 
To  love  you  was  pleasant  enough, 
But  now  'tis  delicious  to  hate  you." 

— Moore. 


Offend  her,  if  she  loves  you  she'll  forgive; 
Oblige  her,  if  she  hates  you  don't  believe 
That  she's  in  earnest,  but  try  her  once  again. 
You'll  find  she'll  soon  decide  twixt  love  and 
pain. 

HEART. 

Hearts  are  like  flint — yet  flint  is  rent ; 
Hearts  are  like  steel — yet  steel  is  bent; 
Some  soft,  some  hard,  'tis  often  said; 
Of  what  material  is  your  heart  made  ? 


Your  heart  is  not  on  honour  bent, 
Nor  can  I  condescend  to  love ; 

I  will  not  dare,  had  I  the  power. 
Such  a  vile  heart  as  yours  to  move. 


ORIGIXAL  AXD  SELECTED  BE^£ABK<. 


93 


HEAVEN. 

Through  life  manv  tears  may  fall, 
And  the  heart  to  its  depth  be  driven 

With  storm  and  tempest  ;  v^o,  need  it  all 
To  render  us  meet  for  Heaven. 


Tell  me.  my  sacred  soul, 
Yes  tell  me,  Hope  and  Faith, 
Is  there  no  resting-place, 
From  sorrow,  sin.  and  death  ? 
Is  there  no  happy  spot 
Where  mortals  may  be  blessed, 
"VThere  grief  may  find  a  balm, 
And  weariness  a  rest  ? 

Yes  : 

Faith.  Hope,  and  Love,  to  mortals  given, 
Points  out  that  place — "tis  only  Heaven. 

"Through  life  we'll  pass  with  hearts  as  one, 
Our  souls  no  one  can  sever  . 
To  seek  that  bright  and  happy  home. 
Where  love  endures  forever." 

— J/}'.?.  To'icnsend. 

Yes.  when  you  reach  the  pearly  gates. 

Outside  you'll  have  to  tarry; 
The  Bible  says,  in  Heaven,  most  true. 

That  people  never  marry. 
Get  a  divorce  before  you  leave, 

Your  marriage  tie  dissever  ; 
Go  it  alone,  and  then  renew 

That  love  which  lasts  forever. 


I 


I 


94  ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS 


HELL, 

Where  is  hell  ?  Anywhere  outside  of  Heaven. 
HEALTH. 

"The  surest  road  to  health,  say  what  we  will, 
Is  never  to  suppose  we  shall  be  ill ; 
For  roost  of  evils,  we  poor  mortals  know, 
From  doctors  and  imagination  flow." 

—  Churchill. 


There  is  a  great  difference  between  those  temporal 
blessings,  health  and  money.  The  poor  laborer 
will  not  part  with  health  for  money,  but  the  rich 
will  give  all  his  money  for  health.  One  is  envied, 
but  not  enjoyed  ;  the  other  enjoyed,  but  not  en- 
vied. 


'Tis  vain,  through  infinite  trouble  and  strife, 
How  many  their  labors  employ; 

For  all  that  is  truly  delightful  in  life 
Is  what  all,  if  they  wish,  may  enjoy. 

HOME. 

"The  scenes  of  home  are  rendered  happy  or 
miserable,  in  proportion  to  the  good  or  evil  in- 
fluence exercised  over  them  by  woman." 


"Man  through  all  ages  of  revolving  time, 
Unchanging  man,  in  every  varying  clime, 


I 


ORIGINAL  AXB  SELECTED  REMARKS.  95 


Deems  his  o^n  land  of  every  land  the  pride, 
Belov'd  by  heaven  o'er  all  the  world  beside: 
His  home,  that  spot  of  earth  supreme!}^  blest, 
A  dearer,  sweeter  spot  than  all  the  rest." 

— Montgomery. 


Our  early  days  !  How  often  back 
We  turn  on  life's  bewildering  track. 
To  where  o'er  hill  and  valley  plays 
The  sunlight  of  our  earliest  days. 


To  make  a  home  happy,  with  exquisite  delight, 

-  We  should  always  endeavor  to  please ; 
Be  in  a  good  humor,  from  morning  to  night. 
Taking  all  things  that  happen  with  ease. 


"The  man  who  builds  and  wants  wherewith  to  pay 
Provides  a  home  from  which  he'll  run  away." 

—  Young. 


He  is  a  fool  who  builds  witliout  the  means. 
Better  by  far  board  out,  to  me  it  seems  ; 
He  wants  no  home,  unless  he  has  a  wife, 
So  go  to  work,  and  lead  a  happy  life. 


I've  travelled  over  many  plains. 
Where  flowers  of  beauty  grew, 

When  all  was  pleasant  to  the  eye 
And  lovely  to  the  view ; 


96         ORIGIYAL  AND  SELECTED  REMAEKS. 


Have  looked  on  things,  in  all  their  pride, 

And  radiant  as  the  morn, 
Yet  none  appeared  so  sweet  to  me 

As  the  place  where  I  was  born. 


HOMESTEAD. 

"What  scenes  have  passed  in  this  old  house, 

What  scenes  of  woe  and  mirth, 
Since  first  I  saw  the  fire  blaze 

Upon  that  good  old  hearth ! 
If  that  old  clock  that  looks  so  grim. 

Could  be  endowed  with  speech, 
What  startling  tales  it  could  narrate. 

What  sermons  it  could  preach ! 
What  graphic  pictures  it  could  draw 

Of  gladness  and  despair, 
Of  courtships,  weddings,  births  and  deaths, 

Of  merriment  and  prayer  ! " 


"Does  any  honest  man  obtain  that  he  merits  ? 
Or  any  knave  merit  that  he  obtains  ?  " 


Mine  be  the  heart  that  can  itself  defend, 
Hate  to  the  foe,  devotion  to  the  friend ! 
The  fearless  trust,  and  the  relentless  strife, 
Honor  unsold,  and  wrong  avenged  with  life! 


HOPE. 

"Unfading  Hope,  when  life's  last  embers  burn, 
When  soul  to  soul,  and  dust  to  dust  return. 


OEIGIXAL  AXD  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


97 


Heaven  to  tliv  charge  resigns  tlie  awful  hour. 
'Tis   then     '"thy   kingdom   comes"'  Immortal 
PoTv-er ! 


"True hope  is  svrift,  and  liies  with  swallows  win^s ; 
Kings  it   makes    Gods,   and  meaner  creatures 
Kings. 

— Pope. 

■•Hope  springs  eternal  in  the  liuman  breast, 
Man  never  is,  but  always  to  be  blest  ; 
The  soul  uneasy,  and  confined  from  home, 
Rests  and  expatiates  on  a  life  to  come." 


"Tis  very  certain  the  desire  of  life 

Prolongs  it:  tliis  is  obvious  to  physicians 
When  patients,  if  not  plagued  with  friend  or  wife, 
Survive  through  very  desperate  conditions  ; 
Despair  of  all  recovery,  spoils  longevity, 
And  makes  mams  miseiy  of  alarming  brevity- " 


HOSPITALITY. 

■pis  in  my  house  my  friends  are  free, 
Free  with  everything  they  see ; 
Free  to  pass  a  harmless  joke. 
Or  to  take  a  friendly  smoke  ; 
To  eat  or  drink  just  what  they  please. 
As  if  at  home,  and  at  their  ease  ; 
Free  to  stay  all  night,  just  so  ! 
But  if  uneas}'— free  to  go. 


98         ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


"  His  frugal  breakfast  shines  with  reputation, 
His  dinners  are  the  wonder  of  the  nation  ; 
With  these  he  treats  both  common  folks  and 
quality, 

Where'er  he  goes  they  praise  his  hospitality." 

—  Wolcott. 


HOUSEKEEPER. 

There's  nothing  worthier  can  be  found, 
In  woman,  than  to  look  around, 
And  all  lier  household  goods  survey. 
And  neatness  in  the  same  display. 


HUNGER. 

"As  a  man  is  a  carnivorous  production, 

He  must  liave  meat,  at  least  one  meal  a  day  ; 
He  cannot  live,  like  woodchucks,  upon  suction, 
But,  like  the  sharker  tiger,  must  have  prey." 


HYPOCRISY. 

"An  open  foe  may  prove  a  curse. 
But  a  pretended  friend  is  worse." 

—  Gay. 

Ostentatious  hypocrisy  creates  disgust,  whilst 
conceited  ignorance  only  excites  pity. 


Thy  love  is  vain,  thy  friendship  all  a  cheat, 
Thy  smiles  hypocrisy,  and  thy  words  deceit." 

— Byron, 


OEIGIXAL  AXD  SELECTED  BE3TARKS.  S9 


There  is  as  much  hypocrisy  in  the  carnal  as 
there  is  in  a  religions  life.  Men  are  often  sick  of 
this  world,  and  think  about  religion,  whilst  pro- 
fessors are  sick  of  their  religion,  but  in  love  with, 
the  world. 


There  is  no  species  of  hypocrisy  so  base  as  that 
which  men  practice  by  fraud,  under  the  guise  of 
morality. 


If  the  devil  were  to  write  a  book,  it  would  cer- 
tainly be  in  praise  of  virtue,  for  those  who  profess 
to  be  good,  would  purchase  it  for  its  title,  while 
the  wicked  woulcb  read  it  for  their  own  ostenta- 
tion. 

HYPOCRITE. 

"A  creature  of  amphibious  nature, 
A  beast  on  land,  a  fish  in  water  ; 
His  best  attempts  so  mixed  with  sin, 
A  sheep  without,  but  a  wolf  within." 

—Butler. 

IDLENESS. 

Waste  not  thy  spring  of  youth 
In  idle  dalliance;  but  plant  rich  seeds. 
To  blossom  in  t:iy  manhoo.l,  tliat  may  bear  fruit 
When  you  are  gray  with  age." 


100      ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  EEMARKS. 


"What  is  the  issue  of  your  sloth  ? 

Of  sloth  comes  pleasure,  of  pleastire  riot, 

Of  riot  comes  disease,  of  disease  comes  spending, 

Of  spending  want,  of  want  comes  theft, 

And  last — of  theft  comes  hanging." 


IGNORANCE. 

He  who  attempts  to  show  his  learning  to  the 
ignorant  generally  exposes  his  ignorance  to  the 
learned. 

"There's  many  a  boy  returns  from  school, 

A  Hebrew,  Greek,  or  Latin,  fool ; 
The  classics  prove  a  stumbling  block. 

He  never  learned  his  '  Hie,  Haec,  Hock.'  " 

— Pattison. 

INCONSTANCY. 

Good-bye,  dear  girl,  I'd  rather  make 
My  home  upon  the  infernal  lake. 
Where  the  bright  sun  can  never  shine, 
"Thau  trust  to  love  as  false  as  thine." 


"  Oh,  woman,  your  heart  is  a  pitiful  treasure. 
And  Mahomet's  doctrine  is  not  too  severe ; 

He  says,  'You  are  but  materials  of  pleasure,' 
And  reason  and  thinking  are  out  of  your  sphere.'^ 

INDIFFERENCE. 

"Your  coolness  I  heed  not,  your  frown  I  defy, 
Your  affection  I  need  not,  the  time  has  gone  by; 


ORIGINAL  AXI)  SELECTED  REMAUKS.  IQI 


Not  a  l)lusli  or  a  kiss  from  your  clieek  coukl  be- 
guile, 

My  soul  from,  its  safety,  'tis  hypocrisy's  smile." 

—  Osgood^ 


INDOLENCE. 

A  want  of  occupation  is  not  rest ; 

The  mind,  if  vacant,  is  a  mind  distressed. 


INFATUATION, 

My  heart  was  caught  by  her  dark  eyes, 
I  felt  my  soul  grow  tender ; 

What  would  I  give  for  such  a  prize  ? 
She's  a  girl  of  royal  splendor. 


If  fame,  and  wealth,  and  love,  were  mine, 
And  health  and  youth  possessed  me ; 

I'd  give  the  gold  of  Ophir's  mine 
To  get  her  to  caress  me. 


On  her  sweet  lips  I'd  leave  a  kiss, 
I  never  should  forget  it ; 

T'would  be  to  me  celestial  bliss, 
And  she  would  not  regret  it. 


INFIDELS. 

"Julius  Caesar  died  proudly  adjusting  his  robe, 
that  he  might  die  gracefully;  Augustus,  flattering 
his  wife;  Yespasian,  jesting;  Hume,  joking  about 


102 


ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


Charon  and  liis  boat;  Rousseau,  bragging  and 
boasting;  Voltaire,  cursing  yet  supiDlicating ;  and 
Tom  Paine,  with  shrieks  of  agony  and  remorse. " 

INFLUENCE, 

No  love  nor  money  hath  the  power 
Like  woman  in  the  conquering  hour; 
Be  tliou  but  fair,  mankind  adore  you, 
But  when  you  frown,  he  yields  before  you. 


"At  Beauty's  door  of  glass, 

Where  Wealth  and  Talent  stood, 
They  ask'd  her,  "  Which  might  pass  ?" 

She  answered,     He  who  could." 
With  golden  key  Wealth  thought 

To  pass,  but  'twould  not  do; 
While  Brains  a  diamond  bought, 

And  cut  his  bright  way  through." 

— Moore, 

'Twill  ever  be  the  case 
With  her  who  seeks  for  gold ; 

For  if  she  prove  so  base 
Her  ha^^piness  is  sold. 

INGRATITUDE. 

Men  who  are  always  blind  to  their  own  faults 
are  sure  to  discover  the  faults  of  others. 


Ungrateful  friends,  deceitful,  full  of  lies. 
Like  bees  in  flowers  they  sting  us  with  surprise. 


ORIGINAL  AXD  SELECTED  EEMAEKS. 


103 


''If  there  be  a  crime  of  deeper  dye  than  all  the 
guilty  train  of  human  vices,  'tis  base  ingratitude." 


Garrick,  Forrest,  Booth,  and  Macready  hare 
each  realized  a  richer  harvest  in  one  night,  by  the 
performance  of  Shakespeare's  plays,  than  the  poet 
and  author  realized  by  his  genius  which  inspired 
the  whole  of  them. 


INJUSTICE. 

'"What  stronger  breast-plate    than  a  heart  un- 
tainted, 

Tlirice  is  he  arm'd  who  has  his  quarrel  just ; 
And  he  but  naked,  tho"  locked  up  in  steel, 
Ty'hose  conscience  with  injustice  is  corrupted." 

— Shalesijeare. 


INSTINCT. 

'■Learn  from  the  bii'ds  what  food  the  thickets 
yield ; 

Learn  from  the  beasts   what   physic's  in  the 
field: 

Learn   of    the   mole   to   j^lo^'^ghr  "^be   worm  to 
weave. 

The  art  of  living  from  the  ant  receive." 

• — Poxje, 


INSTHUCTION. 

"^Vise  men  are  instructed  by  reason ;  foolish  men 


104 


ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  BEMARKS. 


by  experience;  ignorant  men  by  necessity;  and 
beasts  only  by  nature. 

INTELLiaENCE, 

A  Pliilosopher  was  asked  :  ' '  What  should  chil- 
dren learn  to  improve  their  minds  ?  "  He  replied: 
"Just  what  those  minds  would  approve  in  old 
age,  and  nothing  more." 

INTEMPERANCE. 

"Man,  with  raging  drink  inflamed, 
Is  like  a  savage,  wlien  untamed ; 
Supplying  loss  of  wit,  or  sense 
With  blasphemy  or  insolence." 


In  youth  intemperance,  by  sad  experience  found, 
Ends  in  an  age,  imperfect,  and  unsound. 

— Denliam. 

INVENTIONS, 

Every  new  invention  affords  additional  liglit  to 
guide  us  to  a  new  discovery;  and  will  so  continue, 
until  all  the  dark  corners  of  ignorance  are  visited 
by  tlie  rays  of  science. 

INVITATION. 

From  your  dinner  one  guest  I  hope  you  will  spare, 
For  the  charms  of  the  country  doth  beckon  me 
there ; 

I'm  a  pilgrim  of  nature,  and  ever  shall  be, 
Your  city's  too  stiff — so  I  can't  dine  with  thee. 


OEIGIXAL  AXD  SELECTED  EEJTAEKS.  IQo 


JEALOUSY. 

'We  should  not  complain  at  all  times  of  a  jealous 
vv-ife.  for  slie  often  speaks  of  a  subject  that  pleases 
her  husband. 

JESTIN3-, 

••Of  all  our  griefs,  \vhen  once  distressed, 

Sure  the  most  bitter  is  a  cruel  jest : 

Fate  never  rounds  more  deep  a  noble  heart 

Than  v^-hen  a  blockhead's  insult  points  the  dart." 

— Joh'/ison. 


Improper  jests  untimely  spoken 
The  closest  ties  have  often  broken; 
Men  vrill  fall  out.  they  ask  not  'why, 
Till  vrord  and  anger  both  grow  high; 
Tho"  one  be  weak,  another  strong. 
It  often  happens  both  are  wrong. 


JUDGES. 

How  oft  our  Judges,  who  rule  by  laws, 
-STeglect  a  plain  and  honest  cause : 
'Tis  vile  corruption,  in  our  land, 
That  bribes  with  gold  their  filthy  hand. 
They  have  forgot — or  never  knew — 
That  God  will  judge  these  Judges  too. 


JUDGING-. 

The  faults  and  weaknesses  of  men  are  kno^n 
from  their  enemies,  their  virtues  and  abilities  from 


103       ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  HEM  ARKS. 


their  friends;  and  tlieir  lives  and  habits  from  tiieir 
servants. 

JUSTICE. 

"It  is  a  powerful  argument,  in  the  firm  belief  of 
a  superintending  Providence,  that  every  criminal 
(whether  sooner  or  later)  has  ever  escaped  the  pun- 
ishment he  deserved  at  the  bar  of  justice,  or  a 
candid  confession  in  the  hour  of  death." 


"  Justice,  whilst  she  winks  at  crimes, 
Stumbles  on  innocence  sometimes." — Butler, 


KINDNESS. 

A  little  word  in  kindness  spoken, 

A  motion  or  a  tear, 
Has  often  heal'd  a  heart  that's  broken 

And  made  a  friend  sincere. — Watson. 


KISS. 

"I  love  the  sex,  and  sometimes  would  reverse, 
The  tyrant's  wish — '  That  mankind  only  had 
One  neck,  which  he,  by  one  fell  stroke,  might 
pierce ; ' 

My  wish  is  quite  as  wide,  but  not  so  bad. 
And  yet  more  tender  on  the  whole  than  fierce; 
It  being  (not  now  but  only  in  my  youth) 
That  eveiy  woman  had  a  rosy  mouth, 
I'd  kiss  them,  all  at  once,  from  North  to  South." 

— Byron. 


OEIGIXAL  AXD  SELECTED  EEMAEK3.  10? 


Of  all  delights,  pray  tell  me  this, 

TVhat  is  the  thing  vre  call  a  kiss? 

It  is  a  creature  bom  and  bred 

"Within 'the  lips  of  cherry  red; 

By  love  and  warm  desire  "tis  fed, 

Elysium  of  the  marriage  bed. 

It  is  an  active  flame  that  flies 

First  to  the  cheeks,  and  then  the  eyes; 

Then,  to  the  chin,  the  brow,  the  ear, 

And  frisks  and  flies  about  elsewherb ; 

Has  it  a  speaking  virtue?    Yes  I 

How  shall  I  know?    "\Miy  just  do  this: 

Apply  your  lips,  and  take  that  kiss, 

And  taste  the  essence  of  heavenly  bliss. 

'Twas  Emma's  hand  I  gently  pressed 

And  stole  an  amorous  kiss. 
She,  blushing,  modestly  confessed 

It  was  ecstatic  bliss. 

ZSTow.  where  is  the  joy,  when  we  trifle  and  toy, 
Yet  dread  some  disaster  from  beauty? 

For  sweet  is  the  bliss  from  a  conjugal  kiss 
AVlien  love  mingles  pleasure  with  duty. 

—  Weems. 

"Kiss  the  tear  from  her  lip.  you'll  find  the  rose 

Much  sweeter  for  the  dew," 
Unless  the  drop  comes  from  her  nose, 

'Twould  then  embarrass  you. 
But  draw  your  mouth  across  your  sleeve, 
Kiss  her  again,  and  then,  take  leave. 


108      ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


"  How  pleasant  is  the  welcome  kiss 

When  daily  labor's  o'er, 
And  sweet  the  music  of  that  step 

That  meets  us  at  the  door." 

— Drake. 


"  I  never  give  a  kiss,"  says  Lou, 
"  To  naughty  man,  I  do  abhor  it." 

She  will  not  give  a  kiss  'tis  ti'ue, 

She'll  tale  one  though,  and  thank  you  for  it. 


From  the  moment  she  printed  that  kiss 
Nor  reason,  nor  rest  has  been  mine, 

My  soul  has  been  drunk  with  the  bliss 
And  feels  a  delirium  divine. 


"When  on  your  sweet  lips  for  a  moment  I  gazed 

A  thousand  temptations  beset  me. 
And  I  thought  I  could  kiss  till  a  blister  I  raised 

And  how  delicious  'twould  be,  if  you  let  me." 

— Moore. 


KNOWLEDGE, 

Reading  furnishes  the  mind  with  the  rough  ma- 
terials; Reflection  prepares  it  for  constructing;  and 
Study  completes  the  edifice. 

"Who  reads  incessantly,  yet  to  his  reading  brings 
not 

Good  sense,  or  judgment,  equal  or  superior, 


OEiaiXAL  AXD  SELECTED  REMARKS.  109 


Unlearned,  unsettled,  and  uncertain  still  remains; 
DeejD  versed  in  books,  but  shallow  in  himself."' 

—Milton. 


The  sublimest  form  of  knowledge  is  theology, 
and  the  next  is  history;  without  the  former  we 
would  be  ignorant  of  eternity,  without  the  latter 
we  would  be  ignorant  of  time ;  deprived  of  one, 
we  would  know  nothing  of  a  God.  deprived  of 
the  other  we  would  be  forgetful  of  man. 


Knowledge  is  a  commodity,  the  demand  for 
which  is  always  greater  than  the  suppli/. 

LABOR. 

''Without  attempting  to  unravel  the  great  pur- 
pose of  Jehovah,  it  was  no  doubt  part  of  the 
Divine  Economy  in  deputing  a  poor  carpenter,  as 
the  foster-father  of  our  "Redeemer,  to  stamp  upon 
the  cause  of  labor  the  seal  of  His  high  and  holy 
approval." 
LADY. 

There  are  some  ladies  who  are  proud  to  be 
recognized  as  the  monthly  roses  of  fashion ;  but 
they  are  not  to  be  compared  vsuth  those  who  are 
evergreens  of  society,  flourishing  always,  des- 
pite of  the  fluctuations  and  changes  of  fashion. 


110      ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


LANGUAGES. 

"Europe  has  580;  Asia,  396;  Africa,  275;  and 
America,  1,2G0 ;  and  there  are  1,000  different  forms 
of  religion  in  these  countries." 

LAW.  *^ 

"  A  jury  passing  on  a  prisoner's  life 

May  in  the  twelve  that's  sworn 

Have  a  thief,  or  more,  guiltier  than  him  they  try." 

— Sliakespeare. 

He  that  with  injury  is  grieved. 
And  seeks  the  law  to  be  relieved, 
Entrusts  his  case  to  cunning  men, 
"Who  rob  him  of  his  goods  again; 
When  all  he  can  expect  to  gain 
Is  but  to  squander  more  in  vain. 

A  too  sensitive  interpretation  of  the  law  fre- 
quently produces  results  not  in  accordance  with 
equity. 

Law  and  Equity  are  two  things  which  God  has 
joined   together,    but   man   has   too  often  put 
asunder. 
LAWYER. 

A  lawyer  is  the  worst  sleeper  of  all  men.  Why  ? 
First,  he  lies  on  one  side,  and  then  he  lies  on  the 
other  side,  and  yet  he  is  "wide  awake"  all  the 
time." 


OIUOIXAL  AND  SELECTED  EE.MARKS. 


Ill 


Men  by  profession,  who  practice  in  deceit, 
Who  wonld,  'twere  possible,  their  Maker  cheat; 
Religion  strip  of  half  her  sacred  creed, 
And  make  those  poor  who  are  indigent  indeed. 


"We  know  that  lawyers  can  with  ease 
Twist  words  and  meanings  as  tliey  please;" 
So  clients  thus  are  often  cheated, 
Who  seek  the  law  should  thus  be  treated. 
The  plaintiff  goes  to  law  for  gain, 
Defendant  pays  the  cost  with  pain; 
If  botli  give  up  'tis  only  when 
Experience  makes  them  better  men. 

"Some  there  are,  base  in  intent,  who  flutter 
round  the  blaze  of  popularity;  vile  mercenary 
wretches,  who  would  for  gold  forswear  themselves, 
their  country  and  their  God;  yea,  firm  allegiance 
swear  to  all  the  powers  below,  to  buy  a  life  of 
luxury  and  ease," 

From  sad  experience  we  often  draw, 
Trite  maxims  that  apply  in  law; 
As  every  fool  should  know  his  brother, 
We  send  one  rogue  to  catch  another. 

LAZINESS. 

One-half  of  the  world  do  not  honestly  make 
their  board  and  clothing ;  for  this  misfortune  one- 


113 


ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  BEMARKS. 


half  of  the  other  half  suffer  trials  and  tribulations 
by  their  laziness. 


LEAP  YEAR,  1868. 

This  event  will  not  occur  again  on  Saturday  be- 
fore the  year  1936,  nor  has  it  happened  but  four 
times  within  a  hundred  years,  viz. :  1773,  1813, 
1840,  1868. 


LEARNING, 

Learning  by  study  must  be  won, 

'Tis  not  entailed  from  sire  to  son." — Gay. 


"Where  Learning  imposes  hard  labor  on  herfol- 
lowers  she  is  sure  to  compensate  such  devotion 
with  munificent  rewards." 


LENT. 

Good-bye  to  satins,  silks  and  laces, 
To  swallow-tails  and  smiling  faces; 
Good-bye  to  opera  and  to  ball, 
Theatre,  lecture,  or  morning  call, 
ril  store  away  my  party  dresses, 
And  straighten  out  my  flowing  tresses; 
ril  sober  down  my  girlish  look, 
'Tis  time  to  hunt  my  lost  prayer-book; 
For  now,  with  pious  soul  intent, 
'Tis  time  I  think  I  should  repent; 


OBIGISAL  AXD  SELECTED  BEilAEES.  II3 


I  am  informed,  the  parson  says. 
The  Lent  will  last  but  forty  days. 
Then  after,  Easter  joy  and  smiles, 
In  looking  over  the  latest  styles ; 
These  things  in  view.  Ill  rest  content, 
To  run  through  forty  days  of  Lent. 


■LETTEE,., 

Pray,vrhat  did  thy  letter  contain  ? 
'•Xot  a  line  that  a  serf  might  not  have  written 
an  Em^oress."" — Lytton. 


'  -  The  earth  has  nothing  like  a  sTie  epistle, 
And  hardly  heaven — for  it  never  ends ; 

I  love  to  rend  a  female  missaile. 

TThicli  never  writes  in  truth  what  it  intends. 

Be  cautious  then,  my  friend,  for  you  had  better 

Take  care  what  you  reply  to  such  a  letter."' 

— Byron, 


'"Well.  Emma.  I've  seen  your  nice  billet, 

It  came  whilst  I  was  at  dinner : 
My  appetite  was  good,  but  it  did  kill  it, 

Or  I  swear  Old  Satan's  no  sinner. 
I  read  it.  perused  it.  and  scanM  it. 

I  pondered,  reflected,  and  thought 
TVhat  the  devil  induced  you  to  write  it; 

The  conclusion  arrived  at — was  nought  " 


114       ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


I  wrote  a  letter  to  my  lady  love, 
'Twas  filled  with  words  of, keen  desire; 
I  hoped  to  raise  a  flame,  and  so  I  did — 
The  cruel  girl — she  put  it  in  the  fire. 


LIBERTY. 

"No  monarch's  edict  shall  contract  our  powers, 
The  whole  unbounded  continent  is  ours." 

— Pilgrims. 


"  On  the  deep  billows  of  the  dark  blue  sea 
With  minds  as  spacious,  and  our  hearts  as  free." 

— Pilgrims. 

LIBRARIES. 

Libraries  are  the  great  wardrobes  of  literature, 
where  some  authors  are  clothed  for  ornament,  some 
for  service,  but  many  for  curiosity. 

LIES. 

Tliere  are  more  lies  told  in  the  simple  expression, 
"I  am  glad  to  see  you,"  than  any  other  six  words 
in  the  English  language. 


LIFE. 

"  Slow  pass  our  days  in  childhood — every  day 
seems  like  a  century — rapidly  they  glide  in  man- 
hood; but  in  old  age  decline,  and  like  a  tale  that's 
told  we  pass  av/ay." — Bryant. 


OPJGIXAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS.  115 


Youth  is  the  comma  of  life ;  middle  age  the  semi- 
colon; manliood  the  colon;  and  death  puts  the 
period  to  old  age. 

"How  frail  our  life,  hoTr  short  its  date, 
How  insecure  our  mortal  state! 
Where  is  the  man  that  draws  a  breath 
Safe  from  disease  or  safe  from  death  ?" 


"'Tis  but  a  few  whose  days  amount 
To  threescore  years  and  ten; 
For  all  beyond  that  short  account 
Is  sorrow,  toil  and  pain." — Watts. 


"Man's  life  is  but  a  dream — nay  less — a  shadow 
of  a  dream." 

"Live  regularly,  sociably,  and  humbly.  Regu- 
larly, as  to  yourself,  sociably  to  your  neighbors, 
humbly  to  your  God." 

This  world  has  pleasure  for  us  all. 

As  well  as  care  and  sorrow; 
What  tho'  the  skies  look  dark  to-day  ?— 

They  may  clear  off  to-morrow. 
Then  why  should  we  let  present  cares 

Of  former  ones  remind  us  ? 
They're  past  and  gone — so  let's  forget 

The  ills  we  leave  behind  us. 


116        OBIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


"  Like  leaves  on  trees  the  race  of  man  is  found, 
Now  green  in  youth  now  withering  in  the  ground; 
Thus  generations  in  their  turn  decay. 
So  flourish  these  when  those  are  past  away." 


"The  average  of  human  life  being  33  years,  25 
per  cent,  die  under  seven,  and  50  per  cent,  under 
seventeen.  One  person  dies  every  second  of  time ; 
of  the  living,  one  in  11,000  reach  100  years,  twelve 
reach  75,  and  sixteen  reach  66. " 

In  youth  hearts  generally  win,  in  manhood  dia- 
monds are  the  favorites;  in  advanced  years  how 
often  clubs  are  relied  upon;  but  yet  'tis  in  old  age 
that  spades  take  all  the  tricks. 

Since  every  man  who  lives  is  born  to  die, 

And  none  can  boast  sincere  felicity. 

With  equal  mind,  what  happens,  let  us  bear, 

Nor  joy,  nor  grieve  for  things  beyond  our  care ; 

Like  pilgrims  to  the  appointed  place  we  tend ; 

The  world's  an  Inn,  and  Death  our  journey's  end. 

— Dryden. 


I\  "  Life  has  many  sorrows, 
■         As  it  has  sunny  hours; 

Some  are  like  sharpest  thorns, 
But  others  are  like  flowers." 

— Smith. 


OniGINAL  AND  SELECTED  EEMABKS.  117 


"  Life's  a  jest  and  all  things  show  it, 
I  thouglit  so  once,  but  now  I  know  it." 
The  reason  why — no  jest  to  tell — 
I've  lost  the  girl  I  loved  so  well. — Gay. 


"What  is  life?    An  empty  vapor, 

Soon  it  vanishes  away ; 
Flickering,  like  a  dying  taper, 

Here  on  earth  how  short  we  stay! 
There  is  a  life  far  more  resplendent, 

Brighter  too  than  fancy  paints. 
Where  in  happiness  transcendent 

We'll  spend  our  time  among  the  saints. 


Oh !  what  a  lump  of  clay 
Is  tliis  our  mortal  frame ! 

Our  life  how  poor  a  trifle  'tis ! 
It  scarce  deserves  the  name. 


LIGHT. 

•  ' '  The  night  has  a  thousand  eyes, 

And  the  day  has  one; 
Yet  the  light  of  tliis  world  dies 

With  the  dying  sun. 
The  mind  has  a  thousand  eyes, 

And  the  heart  but  one; 
Yet  the  ligiit  of  a  whole  life  dies 

When  our  day  is  done." 

— Bourdillon, 


118        ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


LITERATUIIE. 

Has  lier  quacks  as  well  as  m'edicine.  Some  men 
have  erudition  without  genius,  others  have  fluency 
without  brains:  from  one  we  get  second-hand 
sense,  and  from  the  other  original  nonsense. 


In  the  morning  of  life  it  comes  to  us  arrayed 
in  the  beauty  of  hope ;  m  the  evening  of  declining 
years,  clothed  in  the  beauty  of  recollection." 

LIVING, 

Judge  a  man  by  his  good  deeds,  and  he  has  lived 
long  enough ;  judge  him  by  his  evil  deeds,  ho  has 
lived  too  long;  but  judge  ]iim  by  his  own  desires, 
and  he  will  never  die. 


LOaUACITY. 

*'If,  in  talking  from  morning  to  night, 
A  sign  of  our  Avisdom  there  be, 

The  swallows  are  Miser  by  riglit, 
For  they  chatter  much  faster  than  we. 

— Moore. 

 »-o^  

LOTTERY. 

He  that  in  a  lottery  spends  his  cash 

Is  more  or  less  a  thief,  say  what  you  can; 

For,  ten  to  one,  lie  stole  the  very  trasli 
That  bought  tlie  ticket,  from  anotlier  man. 


aniGIXAL  AXn  SELECTED  BEMAI^KS.  119 


LOVE, 

"^ly  heart  owns  none  before  thee — 
For  thee,  dear  girl,  I  thirst ; 
This  knowing,  if  I  love  thee, 
Thou  must  have  loved  me  first." 


"Some  feelings  are  to  mortals  given, 
With  less  of  earth  and  more  of  heaven;-' 
How  happy  should  I  feel  to  see 
Such  pleasure  now  'twixt  you  and  me. 


"  Oh!  Tvhat  was  love  made  for,  if  'tis  not  the  same 
Through  joy  and  through  sorrow— through  glory 
and  shame." 

— Moore. 


I  love  thee  in  the  Springtime's  blushing  hour, 

I  love  thee  in  the  Summer's  brightest  day; 

I  love  thee  in  Autumn's  budding  flower, 

And  love  thee  still  in  Winter,  say  what  you  may ; 

No,  not  an  hour  in  the  year  will  see 

My  heart  grow  cold — 'tis  always  warm  for  thee. 


"'Tis  Love  whose  violent  property  undoes  itself, 
And  leads  the  will  to  desperate  undertakings. 
As  oft  as  any  passion  under  heaven 
That  does  afflict  our  natures." — SJiakesjyeare. 


"He  says  he  loves  her;  I  think  so,  too;  for  never 
gazed  the  moon  upon  the  water  as  he'll  stand  and 


120        ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


read,  as 'twere,  her  very  eyes;  and,  to  be  plain,  I 
think  there  is  not  half  a  kiss  to  choose  who  loves 
each  other  best." — Shakespeare. 


"By  the  roses  of  the  spring, 
By  beauty,  virtue,  truth  and  everything, 
I  love  thee  so  that,  spite  of  all  thy  pride, 
Nor  wit,  nor  reason,  can  my  passion  hide." 

' '  Aye,  better  to  live  in  poverty  with  him  I  love 
than  to  despair  in  pomp  and  luxury,  which  are  but 
as  the  flowers  that  adorn  the  victim  before  the  sac- 
rifice." 

"  In  submission  I  yield  to  your  charms  and  allow 
That  in  graces  but  few  are  above  you ; 

And,  charming  and  fair  as  I  see  you,  I  vow — 
For  I  will  not  deny  it — I  love  you. 


"  Oil !  what  a  pain  to  love  it  is, 
Yet  'tis  a  pain  that  pain  to  miss; 
But  of  all  pains  the  greatest  pain 
To  love  and  not  be  loved  again." 

—  Cowley, 


"I  did  not  know  I  loved  him  so, 
Until  I  bade  him  leave  me ; 

I  did  not  know,  when  he  did  go, 
His  absence  thus  would  grieve  me ; 


ORIGINAL  ANB  SELECTED  REMARKS.  121 


Xow.  since  he's  gone,  I  feel  forlorn, 

I  tliink  all  day  about  him — 
To  cancel  all,  I'll  liim  recall 

I  feel  so  sad  without  him."' 

—  Watson. 


"That  man  who  hath  not  loved 
Hath  half  the  sweetness  of  his  life  unproved; 
Like  he,  wlio,  with  the  grape  within  his  grasjD, 
Out  from  his  careless  and  unheeding  clasp 
Drops  it,  with  all  its  hidden  juice  unpressed, 
And  all  its  luscious  sweetness  left  unguessed." 

—  Townsend, 

If  you  cannot  inspire  a  woman  to  love  you,  fill 
her  to  overflowing  with  love  for  herself;  all  that 
runs  over  will  be  yours. 

I  loved  thee  once  I    Yes,  tell  me  when  it  was 
I  loved  thee  not?  In  childhood,  youth,  in  manhood 
And  old  age — in  all  I  loved  thee! 
And  were  I  once  again  to  live  life  over,  thou 
would'st  be 

To  me  in  memory  dear,  that  I  might  truly  say  in- 
deed, 

"I  loved  thee  once,"  but  that  Avas  all  my  life. 


''Love  born  in  hours  of  joy  and  mirth, 
TVith  joy  and  mirth  may  perish, 
TThilst  that  to  which  our  ills  gave  birth 
We  oft-times  fondly  cherish." — Bai'-ti>a. 


122        01UGI¥AL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


In  joy  or  sorrow  such  is  the  fate 
Of  all  who  enter  the  marriage  state. 


Yes,  you  may  smile,  young  man,  but  still  'tis  true, 
And  not  the  fiction  of  a  distempered  brain; 

The  first  effect  of  love,  like  morning  dew. 

If  crushed  ne'er  sparkles  on  that  flower  again; 

Unless,  perchance,  like  clouds  behind  the  skies, 

It  shines  again  more  bright  when  morn  arise. 


"How  much  do  I  love  thee  ?  Go  ask  the  deep  sea 
How  many  rare  gems  in  its  coral  caves  be ; 
How  much  do  I  love  thee  ?  Go  ask  of  a  star 
How  many  such  worlds  in  the  universe  are ; 
How  much  do  I  love  thee  ?  Go  ask  of  the  sun 
To  tell  when  his  course  will  forever  be  done; 
How  much  do  I  love  thee  tliese  secrets  reveal; 
You  can  learn  from  my  bosom,  which  loves  thee 
can  feel." — Townsencl. 


A  better  proof  I  would  suggest, 

I'd  like  to  make  the  trial ; 
No  doubt  you'll  think  'tis  for  the  best, 

If  met  with  no  denial; 
From  your  sweet  lips  pray  let  me  steal 

Just  v)liat  the  spirit  moves  you; 
'Tis  then  you  will  begin  to  feel 

How  much  in  truth  "I  love  you." 


OEIGIXAL  AXD  SELECTED  REMARKS.  VZ'6 


LTJXTJUY, 

"Real  Poverty,  disguised  in  gold, 
In  Luxury's  lap  ^^e  oft  behold ; 
While  truest  Wealth  and  noblest  Worth 
In  rags  and  ruin  T^•alk  the  earth." 

"I  do  confess,  in  many  a  sigh, 
My  lips  have  told  you  many  a  lie ; 
But  who,  with  such  delights  in  view. 
Would  lose  the  chance  for  a  Ke  or  two?" 


MAIDEN. 

In  Arorldly  goods  she  may  be  poor, 

Whilst  otliers  boast  of  riches  ; 
Still  many  things  she  lias  in  store 

Which  mortal  man  bewitches. 
Her  beauty,  grace,  and  manners  all 

Adorn  her  walk  through  life  ; 
Ten  thousand  times  I'd  take  her  chance 

To  make  the  better  wife. 

MAIDENS.  ^ 

Maidens,  like  moths,  are  often  caught  by  glare, 
And  Mammon  wins  where  Cupid  would  despair. 

— Byron. 

MAIDS,  (OLD.) 

Such  be  my  condition,  whether  wretched  or  blest, 
Old  maid  is  a  term  I  do  firmly  detest  ; 
And  rather  than  suffer  such  a  horrible  fate 
I  will  marry  a  man  whom  I  perfectly  hate. 


124        ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  TiEMAEKS.. 


And  so  slie's  engaged  to  be  married  ; 

How  often  I've  heard  of  her  said 
That  if  mucli  longer  she  tarried 

She  surely  would  be  an  old  maid. 
I  pity  the  unfortunate  fellow, 

For  I'm  often  inclined  to  believe 
That  old  maids,  like  apples,  though  mellow, 

Like  apples,  at  heart  they  deceive. 
She's  a  scheming  coquette,  and  I  know  it, 

She  hasn't  the  least  bit  of  soul. 
And,  to  tell  you  the  truth,  she  will  show  it, 

When  she's  married,  by  taking  control. 

You  may  laugh  ;  but,  believe  me,  you're  all  in  the 
wrong. 

When  merrily  old  maids  you  deride  ; 
For  to  them,  I  am  sure,  certain  pleasures  belong, 
In  which  bachelors  alone  can  confide. 


MAN. 

''What  a  piece  of  work  is  man!  How  noble  in 
reason!  How  infinite  in  faculties!  In  form  and 
moving  how  express  and  admirable !  In  action  how 
like  an  angel!  In  apprehension  how  like  a  God! 
The  beauty  of  the  world!  The  paragon  of  arii- 
mals !  And  yet,  what  is  man? — the  quintessence  of 
dust ! 


"Reading  maketh  a  full  man  ;  speaking,  a  ready 
man  ;  writing,  an  exact  man." — Lord  Bacon. 


ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  EE2IARES.  125 


Mankind  are  properly  divided  into  three  classes: 
First,  Those  who  study  the  jjcis^  in  endeavoring 

to  imitate  the  virtues  of  their  ancestors. 
.Second,  Those  who  think  only  of  the  'frre^ent^ 

and  are  busy  at  all  hours  promoting  their  worldly 

interest. 

Third,  Those  who  are  only  anxious  about  the 
future^  and  to  enjoy  which  are  ready  to  sacrifice 
all  advantages,  both  of  the  past  and  the  present. 

He  is  a  good  man,  whose  friends  are  all  good 
and  whose  enemies  are  all  bad. 

"Gnats  are  unnoticed,  wdiereso'er  they  fly, 
But  eagles  are  gazed  upon,  by  every  eye  ; 
Just  so  with  men  :  some  always  in  the  way, 
Whilst  others  we  admire,  whatever  they  say." 


Mankind  one  day  serene  and  free  appear. 
The  next  grow  cloudy,  sullen  and  severe  ; 
Kew  passions,  new  opinions,  still  excite, 
And  what  he  liked  at  noon  he  hates  at  night." 

—  Qartli. 

"How  few  are  found',  wdtli  equal  talents  blest, 
Fewer  with  nature's  gifts  contented  rest  ; 
Man  from  his  sphere,  eccentric,  starts  away 
To  seek  for  fame,  but  oft  mistakes  the  way." 

—  Churcldll. 


126        ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


KLAimiAGE. 

How  often  we  see  in  our  progress  through  life, 
where  the  affections  are  not  properly  secured  Lefore- 
liand,  that  those  who  marry  where  they  do  not  love 
are  sure  to  love  where  they  do  not  marry. 


"There's  a  bliss  beyond  all  that  the  minstrel  has 
told, 

When  two  that  are  linked  in  a  heavenly  tie, 
With  hearts   never  changing,   and  love  never 
cold, 

But  amidst  every  fate  love  on  till  they  die." 


*'How  happy  they — the  happiest  of  their  kind — 
Whom  love  secures,  and  in  one  fate  unite! 
Their  hearts,  their  fortunes,  and  their  beings 
blend, 

In  all  things  here  on  earth  to  take  delight." 

— Tlmnpson. 


Let  no  repugnance  to  the  single  state 
Lead  to  a  marriage  with  a  worthless  mate  ; 
A  single  lady,  though  advanced  in  life, 
Is  far  more  happy  than  an  ill-matched  wife. 


"  Blest  be  the  tie  that  binds 
Two  willing  hearts  in  love  ; 
The  fellowship  of  kindred  minds 
Is  like  to  that  above.  " — Watts. 


OEIGIXIL  Ayj)  SELECTED  EEMAEKS.  127 


"  There  swims  no  goose  so  old  but,  soon  or  late, 
She  finds  some  honest  gander  for  her  mate." 


"The  husband's  sullen,  dogged,  shy. 
The  wife  grows  angry  in  reply; 
He  then  commands  with  due  restriction, 
And  she  full  well  likes  contradiction. 
She  never  slavislily  submits, 
She'll  have  her  way,  or  go  to  fits  ; 
He  one  way  tugs,  she  that  way  draws, 
And  both  find  fault,  with  equal  cause." 

—Gay. 

"Thy  soul  and  mine,  by  mutual  courtship  won. 
Meet  like  two  mingling  flames  and  make  ])ut  one ; 
Union  of  hearts,  not  hands,  does  marriage  make, 
And  cordial  sympathy  keeps  love  awake." — Rill. 

Though  fools  spurn  Hymen's  gentle  powers, 
Those  who  improve  his  golden  hours 

By  sweet  experience  know, 
That  marriage  rightly  understood 
Gives  to  the  amiable  and  good 

A  Paradise  below. —  Cotton. 

Marriage  is  a  feast  where  the  grace  is  sometimes 
better  than  the  dinner. 

If  Heaven  is  ever  felt  below 
A  scene  so  like  it,  sure  is  this, 

When  bride  and  groom  begin  to  know 
A  foretaste  of  celestial  bliss. 


128 


ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  EEMAUKS. 


Roses  bloom,  and  then  they  perish, 
Cheeks  are  bright,  then  fade  away; 

Marry  him  whose  love  you  cherish, 
Nor  postpone  the  happy  day. 

"  The  man  who  secures  a  good  son-in-law  gains 
another  son,  but  he  who  has  found  a  bad  one 
loses  a  daughter." 

What  are  all  tlie  charms  of  earth 
With  its  pride  or  treasures  wortli, 
Without  a  wife  close  by  your  side, 
Your  joys  or  miseries  to  divide? 
^TM^as  Providence,,  with  gracious  plan, 
Distinctly  saw  and  told  to  man 
''He  was  not  made  to  live  alone," 
Therefore  marriage  first  was  known. 

May  every  tie  that  binds  thee 

In  tliis  marriage  always  prove 
(As  I  know  it  will  remind  me) 

Of  the  pleasures  when  ice  loved. 
How  oft,  asleep  or  waking, 

Thy  image  haunts  me  yet ; 
My  heart  is  almost  breaking 

For  the  girl  I  can^t  forget. 

I'm  married  and  happy,  now  do  you  hear  this, 
You  men,  who  wei-e  never  engaged? 

Invest  all  your  funds  in  ccmjugal  bliss, 
'Tis  the  best  paying  stock  of  the  age. 


OEIGIXAL  AXD  SELECTED  EEMABKS.  129 


IttEASTJUE  (See  Weights). 

A  bushel  is  18^  in.  X8  in.  and  contains  2,218 
cnljic  inches ;  heaped  measure  is  2. 815  cubic  inches. 

The  Enghsh  "quarter"  is  eight  bushels,  or 
560  lbs. 

A  gallon  of  flour  is  T  lbs.,  or  28  gallons  a  bbl. 
A  gallon  of  water  weighs  8^  lbs.,  a  cubic  foot  62 
lbs. 

A  Scotch  pint  is  an  English  half  gallon. 

A  French  foot  is  to  the  American  as  9i-o  to  10. 

A  bushel  of  -udieat  weighs  60  lbs.  ;  corn,  56  ;  lye, 
52;  barley,  47;  clover,  65;  beans,  63;  oats,  34; 
peas,  64. 

A  surveyor's  chain  is  22  yards.    80=a  mile. 

To  find  the  bushels  of  cubic  feet.  x45-^56,  or 
X8  and  cut  off  the  last  figure. 

XoTE. — To  measure  corn  "net.  "take  one-half  of 
the  product. 

To  find  the  area  of  a  circle  multiply  half  the 
diameter  by  one-half  the  circumference. 

To  find  the  contents  of  a  pyramid  (or  cone),  find 
the  area  of  the  base  (as  above),  multiply  by  the 
height  and  take  ^. 

To  find  the  nttmber  of  gallons  find  the  cubic 
feet  and  X6j;  there  are  230  cubic  inches  in  a 
gallon. 


130        OEIGJNAL  AND  SELECTED  BEMABK8. 


MEDIOCRITY. 

Poverty  too  often  makes  men  cold  and  callous, 
and  property  as  often  makes  fliem  arrogant  and 
proud;  it  is  generally  in  the  middle  classes  of 
society  we  find  the  most  genial  and  amiable  char- 
acteristics of  human  nature. 

MEDITATION. 

There   are  moments,  methinks,  when  the  spirit 
receives 

Whole  volumes  of  thought  on  its  unwritten  leaves ; 
When  the  folds  of  the  heart  in  a  moment  unclose 
Like  the  innermost  leaves-  from  the  heart  of  the 
rose. 

•  — 

MELANCHOLY. 

"Why  should  a  man  whose  blood  is  warm 
within  sit  like  his  grand-sire,  cut  in  alabaster  ? " 

MEMORY.  *^ 

"  Long,  long  be  my  heart  with  such  memories 
filled; 

Like  the  vase  in  which  roses  have  once  been  dis- 
tilled. 

You  may  break,  you  may  ruin,  the  vase  if  you  will, 
But  the  perfume  of  roses  will  hang  round  it  still." 


It  is  no  vision  fair,  of  transitory  hue, 
The  souls  of  those  whom  once  on  earth  we  knew, 
And  loved,  and  walked  with  in  communion  kind, 
Departed  hence,  again  in  Heaven  to  find. 


OEIGIXAL  AND  SELECTED  F^EJIARKS.  131 


MERCHANT. 

The  -worldly  merchant  ventures  far  and  near, 
Nor  shuns  the  land  or  sea  to  make  his  gain ; 

Thinks  neither  travel,  care,  nor  cost  too  dear 
If  that  his  losses  never  give  him  pain ; 

But  when  his  cargo  safely  lands  on  shore 

Converts  it  into  gold,  yet  still  desires  more. 

KLERIT. 

Be  thou  the  first  true  merit  to  befriend, 
His  praise  is  lost  who  stays  till  all  commend. 


A  noble  mind,  unconscious  of  a  fault, 
iSTo  fortune's  frown  can  bend  or  smiles  exalt; 
Like  tlie  firm  rock,  which  m  mid-ocean  braves 
The  rage  of  whirlwinds  and  the  dash  of  waves. 


METALS. 

Gold  can  be  hammered  so  that  1.300,000  layers 
woukl  make  an  inch;  an  iron  bar  (of  any  weight), 
will  support  its  own  weight  if  extended  3i  miles 
in  extent,  and  a  wire  of  steel  will  sustain  its  own 
weight  at  a  length  of  13  miles. 

MIND. 

With  curious  art  the  l3rain  too  finely  wrottght 
Preys  on  itself  and  is  destroyed  by  thought; 
Constant  attention  wears  an  active  mind, 
Destroys  her  powers  and  leaves  a  blank  behind." 

—  Churchill. 


132 


ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


"•The  mind  ainiclst  the  ruin  of  all  earthly  things, 
Firm  as  tlie  solid  base  of  this  great  world, 
Rests  on  its  own  foundation," 

The  minds  of  men  are  as  different  as  their  faces, 
they  all  seem  to  be  travelling  to  one  end — Happi- 
ness— yet  no  two  of  them  travel  the  same  road. 

We  often  find  traits  essentially  '■'■feminine,'''  in 
the  mental  character  of  men  of  genius,  and  de- 
cidedly ^'■7nascuUiie''''  traits  in  the  intellectual  de 
velopment  of  a  gifted  woman. 

Mental  pleasures  never  satiate;  unlike  those  of 
the  body,  they  are  increased  by  study,  approved  by 
reflection,  and  strengthened  by  enjoyment. 

MIITISTRY. 

The  preservation  of  the  ministry  in  despite  of  trials, 
difficulties,  persecution  and  sorrow — in  the  midst 
of  grief,  perplexity  and  opposition — is  one  of  the 
most  convincing  proofs  of  the  divinity  of  the  Chris- 
tian religion. 

MIRROR.  ^ 

What  a  charming  fine  glass!  no  wonder  the  Graces 
So  often  come  here  to  behold  their  fine  faces; 
Why,  it  shows  every  feature,  copies  every  com- 
plexion. 

And  affords  to  us  all,  a  place  for  re/lection. 


ORIGINAL  AXD  SELECTED  HEJIAIiKS. 


133 


lORTH, 

"  jMirth  is  the  merlicine  of  life, 
It  cures  its  ills,  it  calms  its  strife ; 
It  softly  smooths  the  brow  of  care 
And  writes  a  thousand  graces  there." 

MISER. 

As  S(mie  lone  miser  visiting  his  store, 
JBends  at  his  treasure  as  he  counts  it  o'er; 
Pile  after  pile  his  rising  raptures  fill, 
Yet  still  he  sighs — for  more  is  wanting- still. 

A  leech  in  disposition ;  a  screw-auger  in  his  ac- 
tion ;  a  snake  in  his  twisting ;  a  vice  in  his  deal- 
ings, and  a  lobster  in  manipulation. 

'Tis  strange  the  miser  should  his  care  employ 
To  hoard  up  riches  other  men  enjoy; 
Through  life's  dark  ways  his  daily  duty  bends, 
And  thinks  of  nought  but  stocks  and  dividends. 

He  dies,  but  leaves  his  wealth  behind. 

His  putrid  corpse  is  cold ; 
No  longer  he  a  pleasure  finds 

In  counting  o'er  his  gold; 
So  let  him  rest  in  quiet  now. 

He's  free  from' worldly  evil; 
But  when  he  gets  to  hell  below 

He's  sure  to  cheat  the  Devil. 


MISFOHTTJNE, 

' '  For  each  man  who  sincerely  pities  our  misfor- 


134        ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  EEMARKS. 


tune,  tliere  ai:e  a  thousand  who  sincerely  hate  our 
success.'* 

"  Of  all  the  horrid,  hideous  notes  of  woe, 
More  sad  than  howling  in  a  midnight  blast, 

Is  that  portentous  phrase,  '  /  told  you  so^ ' 
Uttered  by  friends,  as  projjhets  of  the  past; 

Instead  of  saying  wliat  you  now  should  do. 
Foretell  that  you  would  surely  fail  at  last." 

— Byron. 

Sympathy  enables  us  to  bear  the  misfortunes  of 
others,  but  religion  alone  can  teach  us  to  bear  our 
own  with  resignation. 

MISSES. 

One  extravagant  Miss  won't  cost  a  man  less 
Than  a  dozen  good  wives  who  are  saving; 

For  wives  they  will  spare,  that  others  may  share, 
But  the  Misses  forever  are  craving. 

MODESTY. 

As  lamps  burn  silent  with  unconscious  light, 
So  modesty  in  beauty  shines  more  bright ; 
Unaiming-tiharms  with  rays  resistless  fall. 
And  she  who  means  no  miscliief  does  it  all. 

MONEY. 

Tliere  is  a  plan  for  gaining  money 
Better  than  banking,  trade  or  leases; 

Take  a  bank-note  and  fold  it  across,  ^ 
And  then  you  will  find  your  money  in-creases. 


OEIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS.  135 


MORALITY. 

"There  are,  'tis  true,  melanclioly  instances  of 
great  intellectual  powers,  united  to  acquisitions 
from  the  whole  circle  of  learning,  without  a  corres- 
ponding moral  elevation;  but  'tis  the  general  order 
of  Providence  that  whatever  enlarges  and  exalts 
the  intellect ;  promotes,  purifies  and  invigorates 
the  virtues  of  the  heart.'' — Preston. 


A  corruption  of  morals  invariably  follows  a 
wicked  profanation  of  the  Sabbath. 

MORTALITY. 

Of  the  whole  human  family,  one-fourtli  die  be- 
fore they  reach  one  year  of  age;  one-third  before 
three  years;  one-half  before  eighteen  years,  and 
two-thirds  never  reach  forty;  three-fourths  die  be- 
fore fifty-five,  only  twelve  per  cent,  reach  three- 
score and  ten;  and  for  every  12,000,  only  one  per- 
son reaches  one  hundred  years  of  age. 

MOTHER, 

From  the  lips  of  a  mother  the  infant  hears  the 
first  accents  of  affection ;  in  youth  he  receives  the 
first  lessons  of  duty;  in  manhood,  for  her  sake,  he 
undertakes  the  boldest  enterprises ;  in  maturer  years 
he  encounters  danger  and  even  death  itself ;  whilst 


136      ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS, 


in  his  declining  years  'tis  a  mother  that  atfords 
tire  last  consolations  of  a  dying  bed. 

MUBDER, 

' '  To  take  one's  life  is  murder  by  the  law, 
The  gallows  keeps  the  murderer's  hand  in  awe ; 
To  murder  thousands  takes  a  specious  name, 
We  go  to  war,  to  gain  immortal  fame." 

—  Young. 

MUSIC. 

"The  man  who  hath  not  music  in  himself,  and 
is  not  moved  with  concord  of  sweet  sounds,  is 
only  fit  for  treason,  stratagem,  and  spoils." 

— 81ialces])eare. 

"Music  the  fiercest  grief  can  charm. 
And  fate's  severest  rage  disarm ; 
Our  joys  below  it  can  improve 
And  antedate  the  bliss  above ;  " 
But  when  you  thump  that  big  piano, 
Just  pause  a  moment,  dear  Diana! 
For  those  who  listen — O,  what  pain, 
Applauding  music  in  such  a  strain. 

MYSTERY. 

It  is  the  greatest  mystery  in  the  records  of 
time,  "that  in  the  beginning  God  created  all 
things ; "  yet  there  is  a  mystery  of  mysteries. 
Who  created  that  beginning  ?    If  God,  then  eter- 


OBIGIXAL  AXD  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


137 


riity  can  alone  SDlve  the  greatest  of  all  mysteries 
— TS'lio  created  God  ? 

NAME. 

Words  cut  in  marble  are  but  trifles  spent: 
'Tis  a  good  name  that  makes  tlie  monument." 

NAPOLEON. 

■•  His  game  "\vas  empires:  his  stakes  were  thrones, 
Ms  table  eaitli;  his  dice  were  human  bones." 

— Byron. 

NATIONALITY. 

'•The  spirit  of  a  nation,  like  that  of  man,  is 
immortal :  the  Parthenon  may  be  robbed  of  its  im- 
posing decorations,  and  the  Colyseum  exist  only 
in  mutilated  grandeur,  but  the  spirit  of  the  mights- 
nations  that  gave  them  existence,  breathing  in 
their  undying  literature,  will  survive  to  the  latest 
season  of  recorded  time." — Beyiiolds. 


"The  strongest  sentiment  on  the  continent  is 
nationality.  Boil  a  Xew  Englander.  and  you  will 
find  the  soup  made  of  Fourth  of  July,  and  Ameri- 
can Independence  swimming  on  top."" — Pnillips. 

NATIONS. 

There  are  three  hundred  distinct  nations  and 
tribes  of  human  beings  on  earth,  in  almost  as  many 


138      OniGlNAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


different  stages  of  civilization,  dialects,  knowledge 
and  forms  of  government. 


NATTJRE. 

"  Unerring  nature,  still  divinely  bright, 
One  clear,  unchanged,  and  universal  light ; 
Life,  force,  and  beauty,  must  to  all  impart. 
At  once  the  test,  the  source,  the  end  of  art. " 
 . 

Nature  hath  nothing  made  so  base  but  can 
Read  some  instruction  to  the  wisest  man. 


"  There  is  no  void  in  Nature;  her  operations 
are  by  mutual  and  imperceptible  gradations:  the 
mineral  joins  the  vegetable,  the  vegetable  the 
animal,  the  animal  the  intellectual." 


He  who  journeys  throagh  life,  whatever  may  be 
his  experience  of  books,  without  a  knowledge  of 
human  nature,  is  like  the  German  without  his 
pipe;  the  Italian  without  his  fiddle;  the  French- 
man without  his  mistress,  or  the  Englishman  with- 
out his  umbrella. 

NEWS. 

"The  crowd  will  gather  round  the  man  of  news, 
And  listen  with  their  mouths  wide  open ; 


ORIQmAL  AND  SELECTED  EEMARKS. 


139 


Some  tell,  some  hear,  but  all  will  judge  the  news, 
.  And  he  is  most  believed  who  lies  most  open." 

— Dryden. 


"The  'news!'  'tis  morning,  noon  and  evening  cry, 
Day  after  day  repeated  till  we  die ; 
Yes,  about  the  corpse  of  friend  we  gather  round 
And  ask  '  the  news,'  then  lay  him  in  the  ground." 

—S2:)rague. 

NOBILITY  (THE). 

"  One  of  the  greatest  advantages  which  ^noble- 
men '  (or  the  aristocracy)  possess  over  other  men, 
is  that  of  being  often  attended  by  servants  of 
more  talent  than  themselves." — Disraeli. 

NOSTRUMS. 

"If  we  read  the  catalogue  of  disorders  we  are 
astonished  tliat  men  live.  When  we  read  the  cata- 
logue of  cures  we  are  surprised  that  they  die." 

NOVELS. 

The  highest  merit  that  can  be  claimed  for  popu- 
lar fiction  is,  that  it  occasionally  supplies  relaxation 
and  amusement  for  partially  exhausted,  intellectual 
energy. 


Light  and  empty  minds  are  always  running  after 
trashy,  superficial  literature,  just  as  the  winds  flow 


140       OBIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  BEMAllKS. 


towards  the  i^lace  whei'e  there  is  the  "east  rarefied 
atmosphere. 

'Tis  happiness  to  lounge  upon  a  couch,  says  Gay, 
And  read  dime  novels  on  a  rainy  day ; 
But  when  night  comes  you  sneak  away  to  bed 
With  not  one  virtuous  idea  in  your  head. 


"He  said  the  world,  as  time  would  prove. 
Was  filled  with  cunning  and  with  love. 
Just  so  with  novels ;  for  what  else 
Is  in  them  all  but  love  and  nonsense?" 

— Butler. 


NOVELTY. 

Of  all  the  passions  that  possess  mankind. 
The  love  of  novelty  rules  most  the  mind. 
In  search  of  this  from  world  to  world  we  roam 
To  send  our  fleets  with  every  folly  home. 


NUTRIMENT. 

Beef,  26  per  cent. 
Veal,  25  " 
Mutton,  27  " 
Pork,  24 
Fowls,  27  " 
Fish,  18  " 
Eggs,  14  " 
Milk,  7 
Turnips,  4  " 
Melons.  3  " 


Flour,  90  per  cent. 
Meal,  90 
Barley,  88  " 
Rice,  86  " 
Rye,  78 
Oats,  74 
Potatoes,  24  " 
Beets,  15  " 
Carrots,   10  " 
Cabbages,  7 


OIUGIXAL  AXD  SELECTED  EEirARKS. 


OATS. 

•■He  that  requires  an  oath  makes  it. 
Xot  he  ^ho  by  compulsion  takes  it. 
HoTvthen  can  any  man  be  said 
To  make  an  oath  he  never  made?"' — Butler. 


OBEY. 

The  preacher  says  tlie  fate  ordain 

That  women  must  obey; 
But  common  sense,  that  man  shoukl  reign, 

Yet  each  vrill  have  their  way. 

OBSTINACY. 

Some  fools  I  know — dear  reader,  is  it  you? — 
TTho.  if  once  wrong,  "  will  still  the  wrong  pursue." 
'Tis  better  far  to  own  your  errors  past 
Than  cling  to  notions  tbat  are  wrong  at  last. 


For  if  she  will,  she  will,  depend  upon  it. 

But  if  she  won't,  she  won't,  and  there's  an  end  on't. 


OBSTINATE. 

How  often  do  we  see  mankind 
To  good  advice  both  dumb  and  blind  ; 
With  perverse  notions  in  their  head. 
Like  stupid  mules,  they  must  be  lead. 

OFEICE. 

To  hold  a  place  in  council  was  once  an  honor, 
fit  reward  esteemed  for  virtue,  but  now  its  lustre 


142       OEIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  EEMARKS. 


dim'd,  its  reputation  lost,  'tis  made  a  mercenary 
purchase. " — Massinger. 

OMNIPOTENCE. 

'Twas  great  to  make  this  world  from  naught, 

But  greater  to  redeem  it ; 
Yet  greater  still  will  be  the  thought, 

Where  are  we? — when  we  leave  it. 

ORATORY. 

"  Some  men  so  strut  and  bellow  that  I  have 
thought  that  nature's  journeymen  had  made  them 
and  not  made  them  well — they  imitate  humanity  so 
badly. " — Shakespeare. 

"  There  are  some  men  in  this  world  who  would 
rather  talk  than  listen,  though  Shakespeare  were 
the  orator  and  human  nature  the  theme." 


Those  who  make  the  most  noise,  with  the  least 
wit  or  argument,  should  take  a  lesson  from  nature. 
She  often  gives  us  the  lightning  without  the  thun- 
der, but  never  thunder  without  lightning. 

ORGANS. 

The  praise  of  God  in  the  sanctuary  no  more  be- 
longs to  the  organ  than  a  railroad  track  belongs  to 
the  locomotive.  To  switch  off  a  congregation  of 


OEIGINAL  AXn  SELECTED  REMARKS.  143 


worsliipjDers  by  music  to  a  side  track,  is  to  endan- 
ger a  smasli-up,   Loth  of  the   sermon   and  the 
prayers. 
PAPIST. 

Be  not  afraid  of  sin,  if  for  it  you  pay  well, 
There  are  no  wealthy  men  in  the  Roman  Papist 
hell; 

Gold  opens  him  the  gate,  and  lets  him  enter  in, 
The  want  of  funds  to  pay,  is  far  the  greater  sin, 
For  all  things  else  on  earth  you  settle  when  in 
lieaven, 

So  count  your  beads  again  and  keep  the  tally  even. 

— Dry  den. 

PARADOX. 

When  all  the  world  is  wrong,  then  all  the  world 
is  right. 

Those  who  speak  or  write  against  the  fame  of 
others  are  only  seeking  that  fame  which  tliey  pro- 
fess to  despise. 

PARASITE. 

Some  men  can  stoop  to  anything  that's  base, 
Confront  the  devil  and  stare  him  in  the  face  ; 
'Tis  with  sucli  impudence  they  rise  much  sooner 
Than  men  entitled  to' more  worth  and  honor. 

PARTING. 

Farewell,  I  leave,  nor  seek  your  love, 
Nor  ask  for  friendship  more. 


144       ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  BEMARKS. 


That  happiness  that  I  approve 
Is  not  within  your  power. 


"Goodnight,  good  night,  parting  is  such  sweet 
sorrow 

That  I  could  say  good  night    until  it  be  mor- 
row. " 

— 81ial:espeo.re. 


I  cannot  blame  thee,  though  tliy  love  has  faded, 

Silent  my  soul  shall  bear  its  hopeless  pain; 
But  still  my  love  remains,  although  unaided. 

Still  in  its  grief  shall  hope  for  love  again. 
For  in  my  heart  the  hope  thy  love  is  given 

Shines  bright  and  pure,  although  its  sun  is  gone; 
It  cheers  my  darkness  with  a  gloom  of  heaven. 

And  lights  my  pathway  when  I  walk  alone. 
Yes,  when  declining  shadows  gather  o'er  me, 

Strong  e'en  in  death  my  soul  will  know  thy  spell; 
One  thought  of  thee  will  light  the  gloom  before  me 

When  joy  or  grief  shall  say  the  w^ord — '  Fare- 
w^elL' 


"Parted  friends  wdll  meet  again 

When  the  storms  of  life  are  past. 
For  the  spirit,  freed  from  pain. 

Will  rest  in  friendship  that  will  last." 
Yes,  parted  friends  again  will  meet, 

From  the  toils  of  nature  free. 
Crowned  with  mercy — O !  how  sweet 

Will  that  eternal  f riendsliip  be ! 


ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


145 


For  the  present  we  part,  though  I  hope  not  forever, 
Till  death  on  my  shoulders  liis  mantle  shall  cast ; 

But  to  prove  each  sincere  we  both  should  endeavor 
To  forget  and  forgive  what  was  said  in  the  past. 


TVith  all  my  soul  then  let  us  part, 
Since  Loth  are  anxious  to  be  free,  ^ 
An^l  I  v/ill  send  j^ou  home  your  heart 
If  you  will  send  back  mine  to  me." 

— Moore. 


''Brethren,  we  here  may  meet  no  more, 

But  there  is  yet  a  happier  shore. 

'Tis  there,  released  from  toil  and  ]3ain, 

Dear  brethren,  we  shall  meet  again." — Wattn. 

PASTOB. 

Though  the  sheep  delight  in  green  fields,  a  re- 
ligious flock  is  not  always  j^leased  with  a  'cerdanA 
pastor. 

PASSION. 

"Our  passions  are  the  gales  which  threaten  us 
through  life;  'tis  religion  alone  that  protects  us 
from  the  tempest." 

"  Oh,  how  our  passions,  insolent  and  strong, 
Bear  our  weak  minds  their  rapid  course  along; 
The  ruling  passion,  be  it  what  it  will, 
That  ruling  passion  conquers  reason  still." 


146 


ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  FEMARKS. 


PATIENCE, 

"JSTature  hasnqthing  made  so  base  but  can 
Read  some  instruction  to  the  wisest  man ; 
The  sluggish  ass,  himself,  will  patience  teach, 
A  virtue  which  few  mortals  ever  reach." 


Patience  and  moderation  are  the  ends  of  the 
silken  cord,  that  string  together  all  connecting 
virtues. 

PATRIOT. 

Between  the  patriot  and  the  ^^olitician 

There  is  this  difference  known: 
The  former  seeks  his  country's  good, 

The  latter  seeks  his  own. 


PATRIOTISM. 

"  Breathes  tliere  a  man  with  soul  so  dead 
Who  never  to  himself  has  said. 

This  is  my  own,  my  native  land, 
Whose  heart  has  ne'er  within  him  burned 
When  home  his  footsteps  he  has  turned. 

From  wandering  on  a  foreign  strand." 

—Scott. 


"He  who  counts  the  danger  of  defending  his  own 
honor  is  already  degraded ;  he  who  counts  the  cost 
of  maintaining  the  honor  of  his  country  is  ready 
for  slavery." — Toombs.  1850. 


OniGU'AL  AXD  SELECTED  EEMAEKS.  147 


]Men  T\-]io  are  animated  ^-\t\\  heroic  sentiments, 
and  imbued  with  a  j^atriotic  spirit,  invariably  live 
longer  than  others.  The  fifty-six  signers  of  the 
Declaration  of  Independence  arrived  at  a  greater 
age,  and  died  more  calmly,  than  the  same  nnmber 
of  men  ever  engaged  in  any  important  national 
event. 


PEACE. 

"Let  ns  have  peace,''  says  Useless  S.  Grant, 

Spread  ont  on  a  flaming  red  banner. 
'Tis  the  voice  of  deceit,  'tis  the  hypocrite's  cant 

That  conies  from  this  Illinois  tanner. 
He  conquered  the  South  by  force  and  by  might, 

With  money  and  power  to  aid  him. 
Yet  he  never  could  put  Robert  Lee  to  the  flight 

Whilst  a  General  good  fortune  had  made  ]]im. 
As  misfortune  has  frowned  on  the  cause  of  the  South, 

And  our  men  have  been  forced  to  surrender, 
A  volley  we'll  fire,  from  the  old  cannon's  mouth, 

In  token  of  friendship  forever. 


PEACE  (OF  MIND). 

"If  you  desire  a  length  of  days, 
And  peace  to  crown  your  mortal  state, 

Restrain  your  feet  from  wicked  ways. 
Your  tongue  from  slander  and  deceit." 

—Dr,  Watts. 


148        ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  BEMARKS. 


PEDIGREE. 

Of  what  avail  are  pedigrees  of  birth,  from  a 
long  train  of  ancestry,  without  genius  or  virtue? 
Nought  but  foam  that  perishes  at  the  ebbing  of  the 
tide. 

A  man  is  what  he  is,  in  spite  of  blood, 

But  if  he  is  in  want  of  more  intrinsic  worth 

It  matters  little  be  he  of  the  brood 
Of  all  the  proudest  families  on  earth. 


Fools  have  been  known  to  spring  from  kings  direct, 
With  all  their  idiocy  sliining  in  their  face. 

Whilst  men  of  strength  and  kings  intellect 
Have  been  the  offspring  of  a  peasant  race. 

PERSEVERANCE. 

"The  proudest  motto  for  the  young. 

And  precious  more  than  gold, 
Within  tliy  heart  and  on  thy  mind 

This  stirring  word  enfold. 
If  in  misfortune's  dreary  hour. 

Or  fortune's  prosperous  gale. 
Just  '  go  ahead  '  with  all  your  power, 

There's  no  such  word  as  ^fail.^  " 

— Lee. 

In  the  turmoils  of  life,  should  misfortune  assail, 
Look  well  to  your  anchor,  and  furl  every  sail. 
Steer  your  craft  "ii  la  porte,"  examine  your  chart, 
And  weather  the  storm  with  a  boldness  of  heart. 


ORIGINAL  AXI)  SELECTED  EEMAEKS.  149 


Then  frien-cls  will  assist  you,  but  should  they  say  ISTo ! 
Give  a  smile  for  refusal,  shed  a  tear  for  each  woe ; 
But  be  true  to  yourself,  consult  the  main  chance. 
For  honor  and  wealth  will  your  future  enhance, 
Till  death  casts  the  anchor  in  a  haven  of  rest 
And  the  cargo  is  landed  on  the  shores  of  the  blessed. 

In  the  progress  of  life  don't  take  notice  of  the 
order  "right  about, "  but  be  sure  you  are  about 
right,  then  ''go  ahead." 

PHILOSOPHICAL  FACTS. 

Air  is  816  times  lighter  than  water. 

The  force  of  gunpowder  is  6  tons  per  square  inch. 

Heat  expands  water  600  times, 

TTater  converted  into  steam  increases  1,800  times. 

Quicksilver  becomes  malleable  at  39*^  below  zero. 

The  pressure  of  the  atmosphere  is  2,160  lbs*  per 

square  foot. 
Thunder  can  be  heard  30  miles  only. 
Lightning  can  be  seen  200  miles. 
Sound  travels  in  air  1,140  feet  per  second;  in 

water  4,960;  in  wood  10,000;  in  iron  11,000 ; 

in  steel  17,000;  and  in  glass  18,000. 
Light  travels  200,000  miles  per  second. 
Electricity    (magnetic   telegraph)    moves  w'ch 

greater  velocity  than  light. 
Eain  falls  34  feet  per  second,  and  hail  112. 


150        ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  EEMAEKS. 


The  number  of  bones  in  a  human  body  are  260, 

and  the  blood  of  a  healthy  man  weighs  more 

than  his  bones. 
In  Guinea  the  thermometer  rises  to  140^,  and  in 

Greenland  descends  70°  below  zero,  yet  human 

beings  endure  both  extremes. 


PHOTOGRAPH. 

How  true  to  life — it  seems  to  breathe  and  move 
The  very  image  of  my  dark-eyed  love ! 
Sweetness  and  pleasure  on  her  cheeks  express 
The  liveliest  spirit,  void  of  all  distress ; 
The  lights  and  shadows  all  harmonious  glow, 
A  heavenly  radiance  settles  on  the  brow. 
But  oh!  that  mouth,  how  tranquil  in  repose, 
Its  fragrance  smiling,  like  a  new  blown  rose. 
Those  ruby  lips — the  pearly  gate  of  bliss — 
I  long  to  enter  and  secure  a  kiss ! 

PHRENOLOGY. 

You  might  as  well  undertake  to  tell  how  much 
money  is  in  an  iron-safe  by  feeling  the  knobs,  as  to 
tell  what  is  presumed  to  be  in  the  head  of  some 
men  by  feeling  their  bumps. 

PIETY. 

There  are  instances,  few  enough,  in  the  liigher 
walks  of  life,  to  show  that  true  piety  does  not  de- 
pend upon  them,  yet  they  are  numerous  enough  to 


OEIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  EEMAEKS.  151 


confute  the  prejudice  "that  religion  is  onl}'  suited 
to  the  poor  and  ignorant." 

PLAGIARISM. 

''Poets  and  painters,  who  from  nature  draw 
Their  best  and  richest  stores,  have  made  this  law: 
That  each  should  neighborly  assist  his  brother. 
And  steal  with  decency  from  one  another." 

"  When  we  steal  the  thoughts  of  the  moderns  we 
are  ridiculed  as  plagiarists,  but  if  we  take  from 
the  ancients  it  is  approved  as  erudition." 

PLEASUHE. 

"In  vain  on  earth  we  hope  to  find 
Some  solid  good  to  fill  the  mind. 
We  try  new  pleasure,  still  we  feel 
An  inward  thirst  and  torment  still." 


"  Sure  all  delights  are  vain,  but  that  most  vain, 
Which,  with  pain  purcliased,  doth  inherit  pain." 


'Tis  all  through  life  we  hope  to  find 
Continued  pleasures  for  the  mind ; 
We  test  all  things,  yet  still  we  feel 
The  want  of  some  new  pleasure  still. 

The  seeds  of  repentance  are  sown  in  youth  by 
pleasure,  but  the  harvest  is  rea|)ed  in  old  age  by 
pain. 


^52      ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMABKS. 


"Mental  pleasures  never  cease ;  unlike  those  of 
the  body,  they  increase  by  cultivation,  encouraged 
by  reflection,  and  strengthened  by  enjoyment." 

Those  who  dive  to  the  bottom  of  pleasure  gen- 
erally come  out  besmeared  with  dirt. 

Pleasure  is  to  women  what  the  sun  is  to  the 
flower:  in  moderation  it  beautifies,  refreshes  and 
improves ;  in  excess  it  withers,  deterioi  ates,  and 
destroys, 

"Wine  and  beauty,  both  exciting. 
Each  to  different  joys  inviting, 

To  which  shall  now  my  choice  incline? 
To  waste  no  longer  thought  in  choosing, 
And  neither  this  nor  that  refusing, 

I'll  make  them  both  together  mine." 

—  Goldsmith, 

PLANTER. 

How  happy  he  who  leads  a  planter's  life, 
Unvexed  by  care,  and  with  a  loving  Avife ; 
Who  studies  peace,  avoiding  civil  rage. 
And  takes  his  counsel  from  the  sacred  page, 
Just,  good  and  wise,  each  comfort  makes  his  own, 
And  to  be  loved  by  all, is  only  to  be  known; 
His  mission  ended,  his  worldly  labors  done, 
He  sinks  to  rest,  pure  as  the  setting  sun; 
May  such  a  life  to  every  man  be  given. 
Peace  whilst  on  earth,and  happiness  in  heaven. 


ORIGIXIL  ASD  SELECTED  EEMAEKS. 


153 


POET. 

'•Tlire^  poets,  in  three  distant  ages  born. 
Greece,-  It :dy  and  Eagliwl  did  adorn; 
Homer  in  loftiness  of  thouglit  sui-passed, 
Yirgil  in  majesty — in  both  the  hist : 
The  force  of  nature  coiikl  no  further  go. 
To  make  a  Yilton  she  joined  the  other  two."' 

—Drudtn, 


Two  objects  always  should  the  poet  move, 
To  study  both  to  jjlease  and  to  improve. 


The  squabbling  critics  with  themselves  dispute 
This  point  ('as  puzzling  as  a  chancery  suit). 
So  long  contended,  whether  poets  claim 
From  Art  or  Mature  their  best  right  to  fame.'' 

From  both — if  when,  by  love  inspired. 

The  point's  decided  which  critics  so  desired. 

POETRY. 

••How  oft  a  thought  of  fancy  doth  sometimes 
Make  us  commit  our  thoughts  in  running  rhymes ; 
Though  nothing  seems  more  easy,  yet  no  part 
Of  writing  verses  requires  a  nicer  ait; 
A  poet's  mind,  indeed,  must  be  inspired 
With  thoughts  of  love,  as  well  by  fancy  fired; 
For.  as  in  strings  of  pearl,  there  often  lies 
Many  a  blemish  that  escapes  the  eyes ; 
So  verses  should  be. to  perfection  brought — 
But  where  can  one  be  found  without  a  fault  I'" 


154 


OEIGmAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


POLICY. 

"He  who  only  'strikes  when  the  iron  is  hot,' 
will  be  overtaken  by  him  wlio,makes  'the  iron  hot 
by  striking.' " 

POLITICIAN. 

Tlie  politician  has  a  world  of  plots, 

And  in  his  schemes  he  has  as  many  spies; 

He  ties  and  tangles  a  thousand  mazy  knots, 
In  which  the  substance  of  his  study  lies. 

How  to  deceive  the  world  with  many  a  wile, 
But  never  thinks  of  heaven  all  the  while. 


Midas,  'tis  said,  professed  tlie  art  of  old, 
Of  turning  whatso'er  he  touched  to  gold ; 
The  modern  politician  can  reverse  with  ease — 
Touch  him  with  gold,  he'll  turn  which  way  you 
please. 


POVERTY. 

Happy  the  man  whose  heart  can  move 
And  melt  with  pity  for  the  poor; 

Whose  soul  by  sympathizing  love 
Can  feel  in  part  what  they  endure. 


"  O,  grant  me,  Heaven,  a  poor  estate, 
Not  too  low  nor  yet  too  great ; 
But  quite  enough  for  Nature's  ends ; 
With  cash  on  hand  to  treat  my  fi lends.'* 

—MalUt, 


OBIGIXAL  AXD  SELECTED  EEMAEKS.  155- 


Be  o^entle  to  tlie  aG:ed, 

At  poverty  never  jest; 
For  many  a  brave  and  noble  heart 

Beats  'neath  a  ragged  vest. 
Be  good  and  kind  and  noble, 

Be  honest,  brave  and  true, 
And  ''do  to  otiiers  as  you  would 

That  they  slionld  do  to  you." 


POWER. 

"  Three  things  most  powerful  with  men, 
The  sword,  the  sceptre,  and  the  pen." 


PRAISE. 

The  love  of  praise,  howe'er  concealed  by  art, 
Eeigns  more  or  less,  and  glows  in  every  heart; 
Mankind  to  gain  it  toils  on  toils  endure, 
And  labor  all  their  life  to  make  it  sure ; 
Kor  end  with  life,  but  nods  in  sabk^  plumes 
To  adorn  our  hearse,  then  flutters  on  our  tombs. 

—  Young. 

^'If  some  men  could  lise  from  the  dead  and 
read  the  inscriptions  on  their  tombstones,  they 
would  think  they  had  got  into  the  wrong  grave." 

There  are  three  kinds  of  praise :  that  which  we 
yield  to  the  powerful  from  fear,  that  which  we 
lend  to  the  weak  from  interest,  and  that  which  wc 
pay  to  the  deserving  from  gratitude. 


156        ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REM  AUKS. 


PRAYER. 

The  simplicity,  beauty,  tenderness  and  grandeur 
which  is  concentrated  in  the  Lord's  Prayer  is  of 
itself  sufficient  to  illustrate  the  truth  of  Holy  Writ 
and  stamp  upon  it  the  seal  of  Divinity. 

''Prayers  are  the  rose  leaves  between  the  pages  of 
God's  book  of  remembrance.  When  the  volume 
is  opened,  a  precious  fragrance  springs  up  to 
sweeten  with  its  perfume  the  throne  of  heavenly 
grace." 

'^A  seraphim  of  the  eternal  spirit,  rich  with  all 
utterance  and  knowledge,  with  a  hallowed  fire  from 
Jehovah's  altar,  touching  and  purifying  with  celes- 
tial grace  the  lips  of  all  God's  people." 

He  who  seeks  a  throne  of  grace 
Will  find  that  throne  in  every  place. 
He  who  leads  a  life  of  prayer 
Will  find  God  present  everywhere. 


PRESIDENTS. 


Washington, 

.  Born  1732. 

Died 

1799. 

Age 

67 

Adams, 

"  1735. 

u 

1826. 

u 

91 

Jefferson, 

"  1743. 

(C 

1826. 

u 

83 

Madison,  . 

"  1751. 

u 

1836. 

L  ( 

85 

Monroe,  . 

"  1759. 

u 

1831. 

<  ( 

72 

Adams, 

"  1767. 

u 

1848. 

81 

ORIGIXAL  AXD  SELECTED  EEMARKS.  157 


Jackson. 

Born  IT '37. 

Died  1S45. 

Age  73 

Van  Buren,  . 

,  i      1  Q  A  0 
ioO-i. 

oO 

Harrison, 

i      -1  "^  —  o 

lb41. 

1  Tier. 

( ;    -1  -^nn 
l<yU. 

Ibb^. 

r^oits.. 

0-1 

Taylor,     .  . 

"  1784. 

"  1850. 

66 

Fillmore, 

^'  1800. 

1874. 

Pierce, 

"  1804. 

1869. 

"  65 

Buchanan,  . 

"  1791. 

1868. 

Lincoln, 

"  1809. 

"  1865. 

"  54 

.Johnson, 

"  1808. 

"  1875. 

"  67 

Grant, 

"  1825. 

PRESS  (THE), 

"A  lever  small  enough  to  be  used  one  man, 
yet  powerful  enough  to  raise  the  world."' 


Turn  to  the  press,  its  teeming  sheets  smwey, 
Full  of  the  wonders  of  each  passing  day; 
Births,  deaths,  and  marriages,  murders,  fires  and 
wrecks, 

Harangues  and  trials,  brawls  and  broken  necks. 

— Spragu-e. 


PBIDE. 

Pride  may  breakfast  with  Plenty^  yet  dine  with 
Puterty.  sup  with  Infamy^  and  sleep  in  Disgrace. 


158        OEIGIXAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


"Fond  pride  of  dress  is  sure  a  very  curse; 
Ere  fancy  you  consult,  consult  your  purse." 


"  Of  all  the  causes  which  conspire  to  blind 
Man's  erring  judgment,  and  misguide  the  mind, 
Wliat  the  weak  head,  with  strongest  bias  rules. 
Is  Pride^  the  never-failing  vice  of  fools," 

— Pope. 


Because  you  flourish  in  worldly  affairs. 
Don't  be  haughty  and  put  on  airs 

With  insolent  pride  of  station ; 
But  learri  for  the  sake  of  your  mind's  repose 
That  wealth's  a  bubble  that  comes  and  goes, 

And  is  subject  to  irritation. 


"Pride  often  guides  an  author's  pen, 
Books  are  affected  just  like  men; 
Yet  he  who  studies  nature's  laws 
From  certain  truths  his  maxims  draws; 
Then  try,  dear  friend,  each  way  devise 
To  make  men  moral,  good  and  wise." 

—Gay. 


PRINCIPLE. 

There  are  men  whose  principles  consist  in  having 
no  i)rinciple  on  wliich  to  depend;  a  free-thinking 
without  thinking  freely;  and  whose  common  sense 
is  nothing  more  than  that  which  is  common. 


OEIGIXAL  AXD  SELECTED  REMARKS.  I59 


PHOCBASTINATION. 

Whenever  duty  calls  thee, 

TVith  sober  judgment  view  it, 

But  never  idly  wish  it  done ; 
Begin  at  once  and  do  it. 

PEODIGALITY. 

The  prodigal  starts  in  life  with  a  fortune,  ljut 
dies  poor:  the  miser  starts  life  in  poverty,  but  dies 
rich ;  the  former  spends  his  fortune  to  enjoy  life, 
the  latter  hoards  up  his  fortune,  but  enjoys  noth- 
ing. 

PHOFANTTY, 

"In  common  life  you'll  ovrn  this  reason  light, 
That  none  but  fools  in  gross  abuse  delight; 
Be  on  your  guard,  nor  think  tills  caution  vain : 
To  be  polite  we  need  not  be  profane." 

''As  polished  steel  receives  a  stain 

From  drops  at  random  flung, 
So  does  a  cliild,  when  words  profane 

Drops  from  a  parent's  tongue." 

PROFESSIONS. 

Hen  are  not  disposed  to  treat  the  learned  pro- 
fessions as  they  deserve,  but  in  inverse  ratio; 
for  he  who  would  refuse  a  dollar  to  his  pastor, 
would  give  five  to  his  physician  on  a  bed  of  sick- 
ness; and  if  restored,  would  not  scruple  to  si^end 
twenty  in  a  law  suit. — Lucon, 


160        ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  EEMARKS. 


Mankind  are  too  much  inclined  to  speak  of  pro- 
fessors. {Doctors^  Lawijers]  and  Divines)  as  learned 
men ;  as  titles  oftentimes  serve-  to  cover  ignorance, 
we  are  only  safe  in  saying  such  men  ought  to  de 
learned. 

PROGHESS. 

He  that  is  really  good  will  infallibly  become  bet- 
ter; he  that  is  bad  will  as  certainly  become  worse; 
for  neither  vice  nor  virtue  is  stationary. 

PROPOSAL. 

Pray  give  a  gentle  answer  now, 

A  soft  responding  Yes ; 
Then  let  us  seal  the  mutual  vow 

With  what  we  call  a  kiss! 


Will  you,  dear  girl,  relieve  my  mind — 
You,  who  have  always  been  so  kind? 
Have  you  no  word  of  hope  to  give- 
Would  you  not  like  witli  me  to  live? 

"Oh  !  dear  to  me  is  blissful  married  life — 
Girl  of  my  choice,  to  thee  I  humbly  sue; 
Will  you  accept  me,  be  a  loving  wife? 

Then  to  my  heart  I'll  take  thee  ever  true." 


To  my  heart's  core  your  words  have  sent 

A  spark  of  love  so  eloquent 

That  I  can  truly  answer.  Yes; 

To  seal  the  vow,  Come,  give  a  kiss! 


OFdGIXAL  AXD  SELECTED  EEAIAEKS.  161 


PROSPERITIT. 

Prosperirr  is  DO  test  of  character:  'tis  Adversity 
that  establishes  a  good  or  bad  reputation. 

''Constant  sunshine,  however  welcome. 
Xever  ripens  fruit  or  flower; 
The  best  of  men  owe  half  their  greatness 
To  adverse  things  beyond  their  power."' 

PRUDE. 

"  Good  graciotisl says  the  pnide. 

(Her  face  behind  her  fan), 
•'How  can  you  girls  believe 

There's  beauty  in  a  man? 
If  tlie  race  was  once  extinct. 

Tra  sure  'twould  never  grieve  me; 
I  see  no  beauty  in  a  man. 

They  never  can  deceive  me. 
One  half  of  them  are  crazy, 

Tlie  other  half  as  bad  ; 
T  would  never  like  to  marry  one — 

The  thought  wotild  drive  me  mad!  " 

Some  women  are  the  very  reverse  of  their  own 
mirrors:  they  talk  without  reflecting,  whilst  theil 
mirror  reflects  without  talking. 

PUNCH. 

Whene'er  a  bowl  of  punch  we  make 
Fotu-  ingredients  first  we  take 


163        ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  EEMARKS. 


The  strong,  the  acid,  the  cold,  the  sweet; 
If  mixed  up  well,  they  kindly  meet; 
And  when  they  happily  unite 
A  glass  will  fill  you  with  delight. 


PUZZLE. 

"If  you  say  'JZie,'  and  in  so  saying  tell  the 
truth,  you  do  lie ;  if  you  say  '  I  lie, '  and  in  so  say- 
ing you  do  lie,  then  you  tell  the  truth." 


QUACK. 

It  is  better  to  employ  a  quack,  if  he  can  cure 
your  complaint,  although  he  cannot  explain  it, 
than  employ  a  physician  who  understands  your 
disease  but  cannot  cure  it. 


aUARREL, 

Sooner  than  quarrel  with  a  blackguard,  hand 
your  case  over  to  a  lawyer.  Every  man  to  his 
trade.  No  gentleman  cleans  his  own  chimney 
when  he  can  employ  a  sweep  to  do  the  dirty  work, 
because  it  is  his  trade  and  calling. 

QUESTION. 

Now.  should  we  wed,  our  mortal  life 
Will  seem  so  short  we  should  not  tarry. 

Say,  then,  I  pray,  will  you  be  my  wife  ? 
If  so,  well  go  at  once  and  many. 


OBIGIXAL  ASD  SELECTED  EEMASKS.  163 


"  When  there  was  no  sun  or  moonlight, 
When  there  Tvas  no  heaven  or  hell ; 

When  there  was  no  place  for  sinning, 
Or  for  sinful  man  to  dwell ; 

When  the  great  and.  boundless  nothing 
Harmless,  lifeless,  round  him  fell, 

Why  did  God  create  a  devil, 
Or  conceive  a  boundless  hell? 

Did  creation  send  forth  evil, 
Or  did  evil  come  of  good? 

If  so.  Where's  the  spot  dividing- 
Satan's  works  from  those  of  God? 

Yast,  tliough  simple,  is  the  question. 
Piercing,  probing  to  the  core : 

This  we  know:  there  once  was  nothing, 
ISothing,  nothing,  nothing  more." 

— Stewart. 


QTJOTATION-S. 

Some  men  quote  nonsense  from  the  dead  lan- 
guages, to  show  their  knowledge;  whilst  thev 
cannot  speak  in  languages  that  are  licing,  to  con- 
ceal theii'  iguorance. 


RADICAL. 

Such  is  my  advice,  and  in  one  single  verse 
I  draw  the  conclusion,  and  its  substance  rehearse* 
Be  all  that  a  radical  is  not — nor  could  be — 
And  then  you'll  be  all  that  an  honest  man  should  be. 


164 


ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  RE ARKS. 


How  many  candidates  we  have  who  exercise  their 
wit 

In  getting  into  offices  for  wliich  they  are  not  lit ; 
Both  black  and  white  and  copper-colored  faces 
Start  up  as  statesmen,  but  dull  as  stupid  asses. 

REBUKE. 

It  is  easier  to  bear  the  scoffs  of  the  world  than 
the  rebuke  of  conscience. 


BEPINEMENT. 

A  high  degree  of  intellectual  refinement  in  a 
woman  is  the  surest  pledge  society  can  have  for 
the  improvement  of  man, 

REFLECTION", 

"Each  human  being  some  solemn  idea  hath; 

For  one,  a  hidden  love;  for  others,  cruel  hate; 
Unconscious,  wandering  in  our  worl  lly  path, 

We  strive  in  vain  to  break  the  will  of  fate." 


REFXTSAIi, 

"If  you  oblige  me  suddenly  to  choose, 
My  choice  is  made,  and  I  must  you  refuse. 
My  friendship  take,  if  you  on  that  can  live, 
But  frankly,  Sir,  'tis  all  I  have  to  give." 

— Dry  den. 


"I  do  not  love  you."  Yet  I  suppose  you  virtu- 
~  ous ;  know  your  blood ;  your  good  estate ;  your 


OFIGIXAL  AXD  SELECTED  EEMAEKS.  165 


reputation  stainless :  in  books  well  learned ;  and  in 
dimension  and  the  shape  of  nature  a  gracious 
person;  valiant  with  all;  and  yet  with  all.  the 
truth  divulged,  "I  do  not  love  you." 

— Sh  aJcespeare. 


You  ask'd  her  once — ask  her  again, 
Perhaps  she  may  remove  the  pain ; 
For  one  refusal's  no  rebuff, 
If  she  Mcks  again,  why,  that's  enough. 


So  you  think  me  cruel?    Indeed,  sir  I 

Then  of  naught  can  you  fairly  complain; 
Yott  may  thank  your  good  luck  that  you're  free,  sir, 

From  a  girl  that  loves  to  give  pain. 
You  say  ''that  my  form  is  seraphic," 

]My  eyes  are  most  beautifully  blue. 
If  they  a-re — and  your  language  is  graphic — 

Then,  sir.  they  are  too  good  for  you. 
You  may  call  me  tmkind  and  capricious. 

Though  my  clioosing  is  cautious  and  slow; 
And  though  yoti  may  say  "I  am  vicious,'' 

I  am  determined  at  last  to  say  Xo ! 

KEGARD. 

'•Long  may  he  live; 

Yes,  longer  than  I  have  time  to  tell  his  years; 
Ever  beloved  and  loving  may  he  be; 
And  when  old  Time  shall  lead  him  to  his  end 
Goodness  and  he  will  fill  one  monument." 


166        OBIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  BEMAEKS. 


The  first  mark  of  a  gentleman  is  a  sensitive 
regard  for  the  feelings  of  others. 


REJECTED. 

Sad  and  lonely,  sick,  dejected; 

More  than  all,  I  am  rejected. 

To  shoot  or  hang,  which  do  you  think 

Can  cure  my  pain?    "  Go  take  a  drink." 

RELIANCE, 

"There's  a  game  now  in  fashion,  I  think  it's 

called  euchre. 
Some  play  it  for  fun,  some  play  it  for  lucre, 
When  one  of  the  party,  in  a  confident  tone. 
Thinks  Tie  can  best  play  it  by  'going  alone.' 
In  life  much  depends  on  the  hand  you  muy  hold, 
To  secure  for  yourself,  wit,  beauty  or  gold ; 
Yet  the  game  may  be  lost  with  all  these  for 

your  own. 

Unless  you  have  courage  to  '  go  it  alone.' 
In  love  or  in  business,  whatever  the  game, 
In  pleasure  or  profit,  'tis  always  the  same; 
In  a  struggle  for  power,  or  scramble  for  pelf, 
Always  'go  it  alone,'  and  rely  on  yourself." 

— 8axe. 


RELIGION. 

Men  will  wrangle  for  i-eligion,  write  for  it,  fight 
for  it,  die  for  it — anything  but  lue  for  it. 


"There  are  but  three  classes  of  men  in  this 


OEIGIXAL  AXJ)  SELECTED  BE  MARKS.  167 


■^'orlcl:  those  who  hare  religion  and  believe  in  it; 
th(^se  Avho  have  it  not,  but  are  searching  for  it; 
an  1  those  who  neither  have  it  nor  care  to  look 
after  it.  The  first  are  hap^Dv;  the  second,  wise; 
the  third,  fools.'' 

"For  modes  of  faith  let  all  sectarians  fight; 
He  can't  be  wrong  whose  life  is  in  the  right." 

Religion  is  an  insurance  against  fire  (in  the  next 
world),  and  honesty  is  its  best  jjolicy. 

It  sweetens  the  tears  of  humanity,  purifies  and 
exalts  the  sentiments  of  gratitude,  honor  and  jus- 
tice, and  transforms  patriotism  into  piety. 

BEPENTANCE. 

The  tears  of  repentance  are  the  diamonds  of 
heaven,  and  the  sighs  of  the  jDenitent  are  the 
musical  notes  of  Jehovah's  gamut. 

"The  rocks  do  rend,  the  earth  can  quake; 
The  sea  doth  roar,  the  mountains  sliake; 
Of  feeling  all  thino-s  show  some  sign 
But  this  unfeeling  heart  of  mine." 

A  death-bed  repentance  is  to  burn  out  the  candle 
of  life  in  serving  the  devil,  and  then  blow  the 
flickering  snuff  in  the  very  face  of  heaven. 

— Lorenzo  Bow. 


163       ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


BEPORTEE,. 

•Tis  tlirougli  the  noisy  crowd  he  treads  his  way, 
To  catch  the  flying  rumors  of  the  day. 
As  correspondent  of  some  morning  paper, 
lie  spreads  the  newfe  like  evanescent  vapor. 

KEPROACH, 

"I  had  rather  be  reproached  by  the  devil  for 
seeking  salvation,  than  reproved  of  God  for 
neglecting  it." — Baxter. 

REPROOF, 

"Harsh  to  the  heart,  and  grating  to  the  ear, 
Who  can  reproof  -without  reluctance  hear?  " 

REPUTATION. 

The  gain  secured  by  the  loss  of  reputation  is 
often  credited  to  the  wrong  side  of  j^rofit  and  loss. 

"The  purest  treasure  mortal  times  afford  is 
spotless  reputation.  That  away,  men  are  but 
gilded  loam  or  painted  clay.". — 81iake»'peare. 

"Men's  evil  manners  live  in  brass;  their  virtues 
w^e  write  in  water." 

Our  reputation  is  equally  well  secured  when 
abused  by  rogues  as  praised  by  honest  men. 

He  is  doubly  guilty  who,  having  inherited  dis- 


ORIGINAL  AXD  SELECTED  liEMlRKS.  169 


tinction  from  his  ancestry,  bequeathes  disgrace  to 
his  posterity. 

It  is  a  sad  tiling  to  any  one  whose  reputation  is 
beyond  his  merit,  or  his  ambition  beyond  his 
al)ility. 

RESIGNATION. 

To  be  resigned  when  ills  betide, 
Patient  when  favors  are  denied, 

And  pleased  with  favors  given — 
Most  surely  this  is  wisdom's  part, 
And  "tis  that  incense  of  the  heart 

Whose  fragrance  smells  to  heaven." 


"Often  has  the  pearly  tear 

Stolen  softly  down  my  cheek, 
To  tell,  in  eloquence  sincere, 

A  tale  of  love  it  could  not  speak. 
Those  days  of  weeping  have  passed  o'er, 

Although  accompanied  with  pain; 
Thank  God,  I  feel  distress  no  more — 

I  ne'er  shall  think  of  her  again." 

B.EST. 

There  is  an  hour  of  peaceful  rest 
To  mourning  wanderers  given ; 
There  is  a  joy  for  souls  distressed, 
A  balm  for  every  wounded  breast — 
'Tis  only  found  in  heaven. 


170       ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  EEMABKS. 


After  we  enter  this  vale  of  tears, 
After  youth  we  have  our  fears ; 
After  the  wedding,  marriage-bell; 
After  the  greeting,  a  sad  farewell; 
After  the  shower,  the  setting  sun ; 
After  his  hours  the  day  is  done; 
After  the  harvest,  the  golden  sheaves ; 
After  the  autumn,  the  falling  leaves ; 
After  the  storm,  the  quiet  waves; 
After  the  battle  we  dig  the  graves ; 
After  the  bud  then  comes  the  rose ; 
After  labor,  sweet  repose ; 
After  night,  to  our  downy  nest; 
But  after  death — we  then  have  rest. 


REVENGE. 

"Yes,  now,  at  this,  the  darkest  hour  of  night, 
when  churchyards  yawn,  and  hell  itself  breathes 
out  contagion  to  this  world ;  now  could  I  drink  his 
hottest  blood,  and  do  such  bitter  things  as  dawn- 
ing day  would  quake  to  look  on!  " — Shakesjjeare. 


RHYME. 

There  is  one  word  in  the  English  language  that 
has  never  been  rhymed,  viz:  month, 
I've  tried  a  hundred  times  I  think 

To  find  a  rhyme  for  month. 
And  just  as  often  have  I  failed 

Till  I  tried  the  hundred  and  one-th. 


ORIGINAL  AXD  SELECTED  BEMABKS.  171 


BICHES. 

"  Some  men  speak  the  truth  when  they  say  they 
despise  riches,  but  they  mean  the  riches  possessed 
by  other  men." 

All  men  pay  respect  to  riches  without  inquiring 
v^eiy  scrupulously  as  regards  the  means  by  which 
they  were  obtained. 

"'Tis  when  to  virtuous  hands  'tis  given 
It  blesses  like  the  dews  of  Heaven ; 
Like  Heaven  it  hears  the  orphan's  cries, 
And  wipes  the  tears  from  the  widow's  eyes," 


Abundance  is.  a  blessing  to  the  wise, 
The  use  of  riches  in  discretion  lies. 
Learu  this,  ye  men  of  M-ealth,  a  heavy  purse 
In  a  fool's  pocket  is  a  heavy  curse. 


ROMANCE. 

"Such  tales  too  often  only  prove 
Fictions  of  dariug  and  of  love. 
So  all  romances,  for  what  else 
Is  in  them  all, but  love  and  nonsense?" 

RUINS. 

"There  is  a  charm  in  contemplating  the  spot 
once  printed  by  the  footsteps  of  learning;  if  hal- 
lowed by  the  lapse  of  ages  it  creates  a  moral  sub- 
limity made  sacred   by  the  relics  of  dilapidated 


172        ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


grandeur;  where  poetry  breathes  o'er  nature,  an 
odor  more  exquisite  than  the  perfume  of  roses  and 
sheds  o'er  the  ruins  of  art  a  tint  more  magical  tliau 
the  blush  of  morning." 

RUMOR. 

The  flying  rumors  gather'd  as  they  roll'd; 
Scarce  any  tale  was  sooner  heard  than  told; 
And  all  who  told  it  added  something  new, 
And  those  who  heard  it  made  enlargement  too." 

— Pope. 

"Popular  rumor,  unlike  the  rolling  stone  of  the 
proverb,  gathers  a  deal  of  moss  by  circulating  up 
and  down  the  world," — Dickens. 

It  must  be  so,  for  Billy  Brown,  Esquire, 

Heard  Henry  Thompson's  wife  tell  Mr.  Smith 
(He  that  was  cliristened  John  by  his  grandsire), 

That  Johnston  said  when  he  was  walking  with 
Miss  Sally  Clieatham,  the  maiden  gal  of  forty, 

She  heard  Miss  Higgins  say  in  whisper  low  ' 
(To  tell  it  confldentially),  how  naughty, 

That  Polly  Wilkins'  cousin's  aunt  said  "so  and 
so." 

SABBATH. 

On  this,  the  solemn,  sacred  day  of  rest, 
"With  gifts  of  plenty  and  with  bounty  blest, 
Great  God,  forgetful  of  Thy  favors  still. 
How  many  break  Thy  laws  against  Thy  willl 


OniGIXAL  AXD  SELECTED  EEMABKS.  17:j 


The  Greeks  observe  Monday^  the  Persians,  Tues- 
day, the  Assyrians,  Wednesday,  the  Egyptians, 
Thursday^  the' Turks,  Friday,  the  Jews,  Saturday, 
and  the  Christians  Sunday^  as  tlieir  Sabbath  for 
public  worship. 

The  Sabbath  is  the  golden  clasp  that  binds  to- 
gether the  volume  of  the  week. 

"In  holy  pleasures  let  this  day 

In  holy  duties  pass  away ; 
-  How  sweet  the  Sabbath  thus  to  spend 

In  hope  of  one  that  ne'er  shall  end!" 

SADNESS. 

What  is  the  worst  of  foes  that  wait  on  age, 

"What  stamps  the  wrinkles  deeper  on  the  brow? 

It  is  to  see  each  loved  one  blotted  from  life's  page, 
And  left  alone  on  earth  as  I  am  now. 


SAFETY. 

"It  is  universally  true  that  mankind  at  large 
can  enjoy  the  distress  of  others  wlien  they  can 
Bafely  indulge  in  their  own  security." 

''Happy  were  men  if  they  but  understood 
There  is  no  safety  but  in  doing  good. 
Yet  when  we  think  they  most  in  safety  stand, 
The  greatest  peril  often  is  at  hand." 

— Fountain. 


174      ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  BEMARKS. 


''Prepare  your  mind,  I'll  publish,  right  or  wrong. 
Fools  are  my  theme,  let  satire  be  my  song, 
Cursed  be  the  lines,  how  well  soe'er  they  flow, 
That  tends  to  make  one  worthy  man  my  foe." 


We  seldom  tliink  when  we  in  safety  stand 
Our  greatest  danger  often  is  at  hand. 
Happy  were  all  if  they  but  understood 
There  is  no  safety  but  in  doing  good. 


SATIRE. 

"  Satire  recoils  whenever  charged  too  high, 
Round  your  oAvn  fame  the  fatal  splinters  fly; 
As  the  soft  plume  gives  swiftness  to  the  dart, 
Good  breeding  sends  the  satire  to  the  heart." 


SCANDAL. 

"  There  is  a  lust  in  man  no  charm  can  tame, 
Of  loudly  publishing  his  neighbor's  shame; 
On  swiftest  wings  accursed  scandals  fly. 
While  virtuous  actions  are  but  born  and  die." 

— Harvey. 

*"Tis  mingling  truth  with  falsehood,  sneers  with 
smiles, 

A  thread  of  candor  to  a  web  of  wiles." 


SCHOOL. 

"Now,  ye  wdio  teach  the  ingenious  youth  of  na- 
tions— 

Holland,  France,  England,  America,  or  Spain — 


OEiaiXAL  AXD  SELECTED  EE2IAEKS.  175 


I  tell  thee  flog  them,  upon  all  occasions; 

It  mends  their  morals — nerer  mind  the  pain." 

SCIENCE. 

'•Every  advancement  in  science  but  adds  to  the 
echo  of  all  things : 

"  The  hand  that  made  us  is  diyine." 
'Tis  an  echo  that  is  whispered  in  the  winds,  smiles 
from  the  flowers,  thunders  in   the  clouds,  and 
twinkles  in  the  firmament." 


Every  improvement  in  science  has  a  correspond- 
ing tendency  to  check  the  baneful  and  enervating 
effects  of  luxur}'  and  dissipation. 



Science,  of  her  toil  unsparing, 

Nature's  mysteries  doth  explore, 
Entering  with  a  fearless  daring 
Paths  she  never  trod  before. 
Testing  by  investigation 

Everytliing,  however  sage; 
Invention  on  a  sure  foundation 
Is  the  S23iiit  of  the  Age. 

"  Science  kindles  her  torch  at  eveiy  light  be- 
tween a  glow-worm  and  a  star,  and  the  frankin- 
cense of  all  her  discoveries  burns  upon  the  altar  of 
inspired  Truth." 


176      OEIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


"Science  and  Truth  will  assemble  the  elements 
and  powera  of  Kature  in  one  mighty  'orchestra.' 
Revelation  will  give  the  key-note  of  praise,  while 
heaven  and  earth  join  in  the  rehearsal  of  the  grand 
'  Oratorio  ' 

SCIENCES. 

In  the  learned  sciences  mathematics  performs 
more  than  it  promises;  ])ut  metaphysics  promises 
more  than  it  performs. 

SCORN, 

"The  curses  of  hate  and  the  hisses  of  scorn 
Has  followed  the  wretch  since  first  he  was  born; 
O'er  his  life  may  contempt  forever  be  hurled, 
The  laughter  of  triumph  and  the  scorn  of  the 
world. " — Byron. 


"Heaven  has  no  rage  like  love  to  hatred  turned, 
Nor  hell  a  fury  like  a  woman  scorned." 

—  Congreve. 


SECRECY. 

"  Search  not  to  find  what  lies  too  deeply  hid. 

To  learn  those  things  where  knowledge  is  forbid; 

'Tis  that  corroding  secrecy  which  gnaws 

The  heart,  to  show  the  effect,  but  not  the  cause." 


SECRET. 

How   many  men  are   fond  of  the  secrets  of 


OEIQWAL  AND  SELECTED  BE  MARKS.  177 


others,  and  covet  them  as  a  spendthrift  does  your 
money — only  waiting  for  a  proper  time  to  put  them 
into  circulation. 


Be  thou  assured  if  words  be  made  of  breath, 
and  breath  of  life,  I  have  no  life  to  breathe  the 
secret  thou  hast  told  me." 


SECTARIANISM, 

If  the  Apostle  Paul  were  to  appear  on  earth  and 
see  the  many  denominations  of  Christians  and  the 
diversity  of  creeds,  he  would  be  inclined  to  say, 
''Pure  and  undefiled  religion  is  to  Iceep  yourself 
unspotted  from  the  icorldy 


SEDUCER, 

"  Oh,  lost  to  honor's  voice,  oh,  doomed  to  shame, 
Thou  fiend  accursed,  thou  murderer  of  my  name ! 
Where  shall  thy  baseness  meet  its  just  return, 
What  can  repay  thy  guilt  but  endless  scorn?'' 


SELFISHNESS. 

"The  noble  horse  you  pompously  bestride 
Shares  with  his  rider  his  pleasure  and  his  pride ; 
Creation's  handiwork  divides  her  care ; 
The  fur  that  warms  a  monarch  warmed  a  bear; 
And  man  exclaims:   "  See  all  things  for  my  use." 
"  See  man  for  mine,"  responds  the  silly  goose." 


178       ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  EEMARKS. 


' '  In  other  men  we  faults  can  spy 

And  blame  the  mote  that  dims  their  eye. 

Their  secret  iaults  we're  sure  to  find, 

But  to  our  own  we're  always  blind." — Gay. 

SELF-RESPECT. 

"A  certain  degree  of  respect  for  one's  self  is  the 
best  security  against  moral  degradation." 

SENSES. 

"  And  though  things  sensible  be  numberless, 

Yet  only  five  the  senses'  organs  be, 
And  in  these  five  all  things  their  forms  express, 

Which  we  can  touchy  taste,  smell,  hear,  or  see." 

SEPARATION. 

The  worst  of  tortures  fate  can  find 

To  lacerate  a  feeling  mind. 

Or  rob  the  soul  of  rest, 

Is  when  its  adverse  laws  ordain 

That  separation's  powerful  pain, 

Should  agonize  the  heart. 

SERMON. 

The  length  of  a  sermon  is  in  proportion  to  its  in- 
terest ;  some  are  long  after  fifteen  minutes,  others 
short  after  an  hour.  If  eternity  had  an  end,  it 
would  be  short  in  Paradise. 

"Such  vast  impressions  did  the  sermon  make 
He  always  kept  his  hearers  wide  awake." 


OBIG-IXAL  AXD  SELECTED  EEMABKS, 


179 


SERTILITIT. 

''"Within  the  bond  of  marriage,  pray  tell  me,  sir, 
is  it  expected  I  should  no  secrets  know  that  apper- 
tain to  you?  Am  I  thus  held  in  base  suspense  and 
limitation,  only  to  sit  ^vith  you  at  meals  or  comfort 
you  in  bed,  or  talk  perchance  at  times?  If  I  but 
dwell  witliin  the  suburbs  of  such  pleasure,  then  I 
swear  I  am  no  more  your  wedded  wife." 

— Shakespeare. 


SHAKESPEABE. 

Has  been  spelt  in  fifty-four  different  ways,  viz : 
Shaxspur,  Shagspere,  Ghagsper,  Chakespur,  Chaks- 
pear,  Shaxspear,  Shakespire,  Shaxpeer,  Shakspere, 
Shaxsper,  Schaksper,  Saxpiere.  Shakspyer,  Shakas- 
peer,  Shaxper,  Shaxpyer,  Schakspeare,  Schaks- 
piere,  Saxpere.  Shaxpere,  Shakesper,  Schakspere, 
Scliakspyre,  Schakespear,  Schakspear,  Shakesper, 
Shaxpyiere,  Sliaykspur.  Shaiksper,  Shaiksperie, 
Shaxperee,  Shaksper,  ShakyesiDeir,  Shakyspur, 
Shakes-peer,  Chakes-pear.  Shaikspeer,  Shakespeare, 
Chavspur.  Schakspir.  Schakespyre,  Scliakeespur, 
Schaykespiere,  Chaxpeer,  Shayxpur,  Shaigespare, 
Scliakesper,  Schagyespur,  Schapespyer,  Shaikes- 
peer,  Chakespeere,  Shaikspieere,  Shaikspere, 
Chaxpur. 


180        ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


SHREW, 

'^Have  I  not  in  my  time  heard  .lions  roar? 

Have  I  not  seen  the  sea  puffed  up  with  winds? 

Have  I  not  heard  great  ordnance  in  the  field, 

And  Heaven's  loud  artillery  thunder  in  the  skies? 

Have  I  not  in  a  fiery  battle  heard 

Loud  clarions,  neighing  steeds  and  trumpets  clang? 

And  yet  you  tell  me  of  a  woman's  tongue." 

— 8haki<peare. 


SIGNATUHES, 

The  following  are  the  names  of  the  original 
''Fifty-six''  (from  the  original  Thirteen  States) 
who  signed  the  Declaration  of  "American  Inde- 
pendence : " 


Massachusetts. 
John  Hancock,  President, 
Samuel  Adams, 
Robert  Treat  Paine, 
Elbridge  Gerry, 
John  Adams, 

Connecticut. 

Roger  Sherman, 
Samuel  Huntington, 
Oliver  Walcott, 
William  Williams, 


Died,  1793  Age,  55 

"  1803  "  81 

"  1814  "  83 

"  1814  "  70 

"  1826  "  •  91 

"  1793  "  72 

u  1796  "  64 

"  1797  "  73 

"  1811       "  81 


ORIGIXAL  AXD  SELECTED  REMARKS.  181 


Xew  HampaTiire. 
"William  Wliipple, 
Josiali  Bartlett, 
Matthew  Thornton, 

Mhode  Island. 
Stephen  Hopkins, 
William  Ellery, 

New  York. 
Abram  Clark, 
Lewis  Morris, 
Philij^  Livingston, 
Francis  Lewis, 
William  Floyd, 

New  Jersey. 
John  Hart, 
Richard  Stockton, 
Francis  Hopkinson, 
John  Witlierspoon, 

Penmyltania. 
John  Morton, 
George  Ross, 
George  Taylor, 
Benjamin  Franklin, 
James  Wilson, 
James  Smith, 


TT85 

65 

1795 

( ( 

66 

1803 

( ( 

89 

1785 

78 

1820 

92 

1794 

U 

68 

1798 

72 

1798 

1.  f. 

62 

1813 

u 

90 

1821 

( i 

87 

1780 

— 

1781 

53 

1791 

;  4 

53 

1794 

72 

1777 

53 

1779 

1, 

50 

1781 

( ( 

65 

1790 

C( 

84 

1798 

56 

1806 

93 

182       ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


Robert  Morris, 
Benjamin  Rush, 
George  Clymer, 

Delaware. 
Caesar  Rodney, 
George  Read, 
Thomas  McKeown, 

Maryland. 
Thomas  Stone, 
William  Paca, 
Charles  Carrol, 
Samuel  Chase, 

Virginia. 
Thoms  Nelson, 
Benjamin  Harrison, 
Richard  Henry  Lee, 
Carter  Broxton, 
George  Wythe, 
Thomas  Jefferson, 
Francis  Lightfoot  Lee, 

North  Carolina. 
Joseph  Hewes, 
William  Hooper, 
John  Penn, 


Died,  1806      Age,  73 
1813 
1813 


1783 
1798 
1817 

1787 
1799 
1832 
1811 

1788 
1791 
1794 
1797 
1806 
1826 
1797 

1779 
1790 
1788 


OEIf^IXAL  AXD  SELECTED  EEMAEKS.  1S3 


SoutJi  Carolina. 


Thomas  Lynch, 

Died, 

i:t6 

Age, 

27 

Arthur  ^Micldleton, 

u 

1787 

o4 

Edward  Rutledge, 

t  ( 

1800 

c ; 

51 

Thomas  Heyward, 

u 

1809 

u 

64 

Georgia. 

Button  Gwinnett, 

( i 

1777 

( : 

45 

Lyman  HalL 

( ( 

1781 

a 

60 

George  TTalton, 

( ( 

1803 

64 

SILENCE. 

Silence  is  not  always  commendable :  it  is  foolish, 
if  we  are  wise,  and  certainlr  wise  if  we  are  fools. 


Some  men  are  silent  for  want  of  matter,  whilst 
others  are  veiy  talkative  for  want  of  sense. 

SIMPLICITY. 

'"Oh.  I  could  walk  a  journey  to  the  farthest 
verge  of  this  great  world,  to  see  that  man.  who.  in 
the  power  of  wisdom  and  of  art.  preserves  a  lovely 
mind,  or  feels  the  sense  of  his  own  littleness  in 
meek  simplicity.'' — Wfiite. 


SIN. 

'•Indifference  to  sin  is  the  first  step  towards  the 
love  of  it." — Br.  Dwigfd. 


184      ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


"He  that  would  grow  divinely  wise, 
Must  with  God's  fear  begin ; 
The  strongest  jDroof  of  knowledge  lies 
In  hating  every  sin." 

—  Watts, 


"Soon  as  we  draw  our  infant  breath, 
The  seeds  of  sin  grow  up  for  death; 
Virtue  demands  a  perfect  heart, 
But  we're  defiled  in  every  part." 

—  Watts. 


SINCERITY. 

"Thou  art  the  dearest  object  of  my  heart — 
Pray  search  that  heart  and  see ; 
And  from  my  bosom  tear  that  part 
That  beats  not  true  to  thee." 

"Yes!  in  that  bosom  thou  art  dear, 
Far  more  than  words  can  tell; 
If  there's  a  fault  concealed  within, 
'Tis  loving  thee  too  well." — Moore. 


Cold  as  a  frozen  fountain, 

Colder  my  heart  must  be. 
If  ever  I  forget  the  love, 

The  love  I  had  for  thee. 
Bright  as  the  purest  flame. 

Illumined  by  the  sun, 
My  heart  has  burned  with  fire. 

Since  first  that  love  begun. 


oeiCtIxal  asb  selected  EEMAEKS.  185 


Pure  as  a  flake  of  sno^-, 

By  geutle  zephyrs  driven, 
The  love  that's  in  my  breast 

Is  trite  as  that  from  heaven. 
Calm  as  the  shades  of  night. 

And  quiet  as  the  grave, 
"VTouId  I  my  life  lay  down, 

That  love  for  you  to  ha^-e. 

For  when  this  life  is  o"er, 

The  value  of  that  love 
"Will  then  begin  to  shine 

In  realms  of  bliss  above. 
Anticipate  the  day. 

And  whilst  my  love  is  thine, 
Eeciprocate  the  same. 

And  be  forever  mine. 

SLANDER. 

•'A  slanderer  felt  a  serpent  bite  his  side; 
TThat  followed  from  the  bite? 

The  serpent  died." 


Pray  do  not  state  opinions  Idindly, 
AVhich,  if  false,  to  trouble  tends. 

He  of  whom  you  spoke  unkindly 
May  have  been  your  warmest  friend. 


Take  then  wisdom's  warning  voice, 
Censure  not  your  neighbor's  acts, 

But  It-t  it  always  be  your  choice 
To  found  the  truth  upon  the  facts. 


186      ORlQmAL  AND  SELECTED  BEMARKS. 


SLEEP. 

"  Sleep  dwell  upon  your  eyes,  peace  in  thy  breast; 
Would  I  were  sltsj)  a.nd  peace  to  enjoy  such  rest." 

— ShaJcesjjears. 

SMILE. 

"His  very  smile  was  cunning;  liis  wooden  face 
resembled  a  big  O  in  the  centre  of  a  play-bill;  his 
study  was  among  the  portraits  of  the  rogues' 
gallery. — DicJcens. 

"When  tradesmen  smile,  they  safely  cheat  with 
ease, 

And  smiling  lawyers  never  fail  for  fees ; 

The  doctor's  look,  the  patient's  pain  beguiles; 

The  sick  man  lives,  if  his  physician  smiles; 

A  lover  smiles,  too  many  do  believe, 

And  women  smile  on  those  they  would  deceive. 

Thus  smiles,  with  interest,  hand  in  hand  do  go; 

He  will  succeed,  who  smiles  in  joy  or  woe; 

So  let  it  always  be  your  chief  endeavor 

To  lead  a  merry  life,  and  smile  forever." 

SNXTFF. 

"And  'twixt  his  finger  and  his  thumb  he  held  a 
perfume  box,  which,  ever  and  anon,  he  gave  his 
nose,  then  took  it  away  again." — Sliakespeare. 

SOCIETY. 

Society  is  the  atmosphere  of  souls,  in  which  we 
always  imbibe  something  infectious  or  salubrious. 


OEIGIXAL  AXD  SELECTED  EE1[AEKS..  187 


The  society  a  man  keeps,  is  not  onlr  the  index  of 
his  character,  hut  it  likewise  tends  to  form  and 
fashion  it. 


To  determine  a  man's  position  in  society,  from 
the  calhng  he  foUoTrs  for  an  honest  living,  is  con- 
trary to  the  justice  of  good  sense  and  the  genius  of 
our  political  institutions. 


Some  men  are  as  entertaining  in  society,  on  first 
acquaintance,  as  a  hand-organ;  but  like  that 
instrument,  when  the  tunes  are  played  out,  on  the 
next  interview  they  are  just  as  dull  and  monoto- 
nous. 


In  entering  into  good  society  it  is  always  best  to 
strike  high:  not  that  the  highest  are  always  the 
best.  but.  if  disgusted,  you  can  descend  at  auy 
time  with  grace:  whilst  if  you  begin  with  the 
lower  grade  you  will  find  it  very  difficult  to 
ascend. 

SOLDIER. 

'•On  Fame's  eternal  camping-ground 
Their  silent  tents  are  spread, 
And  glory  guards,  with  solemn  round, 
The  bivouac  of  the  dead.'" — Toixmend. 


188        ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


TJie  best  soldier  is  an  Irishman  half  drunk;  a 
Scotchman  half  starved ;  an^  EDglishman  with  his 
belly  full;  and  a  Yankee  with  "Hail  Columbia"  in 
his  knapsack. 

SOPHISTRY, 

"Dogmatic  jargon,  learnt  by  heart, 
Trite  sentences,  hard  terms  of  art. 
To  common  ears  seems  so  profound 
They  fancy  learning  in  the  sound." — Butler. 

SORROW. 

"The  path  of  sorrow,  and  that  2:>ath  alone, 
Leads  to  the  land  where  sorrow  is  unknown. 
No  traveler  ever  reach'd  that  blest  abode 
Who  found  not  thorns  and  briers  on  the  road." 

—  (Jowijer. 

SOTJI.. 

"When  nature  ceases  thou  shalt  still  remain, 
Nor  second  chaos  bound  thy  endless  reign; 
Fate's  tyrant  laws  thy  happier  lot  sliall-  brave. 
Baffle  destruction  and  elude  the  grave." — Tickell. 

SPECIES, 

There  are  upon  the 
600  quadrupeds  of 
700  reptiles 
3,000  fish 
4,500  birds 
40,000  insects 


earth  and  in  the  seas: 

various  kinds, 
u  u 

U  (( 


ORIGIXAL  AND  SELECTED  BEMARK3. 


183 


"The  earth  is  full  of  Thy  riches,  O  Lord,  and 
Thou  givest  to  all  their  meat  in  due  season." 


SPECULATION. 

Of  all  speculations  the  market  holds  forth, 
The  best  that  I  know,  for  a  lover  of  pelf, 

Is  to  buy  "Johnny"  up,  for  the  price  he  is  worth. 
And  then  sell  him  out,  what  he  asks  for  himself. 


SPEECH. 

We  sometimes  think  we  could  a  speech  produce 
Much  to  the  purpose,  if  our  tongues  were  loose; 
But  when  we  try.  words  die  upon  tlie  lip, 
Faint  as  a  chicken's  note  that  has  the  pip. 


STEAM, 

"Steam,  like  a  mighty  shuttle,  flies  across  the 
ocean,  weaving  the  web  of  commerce,  and  warping 
in  national  amity  every  people  of  the  civilized 
world." 


STUDY. 

"With  curious  art  the  brain  (too  finely  wrought) 
Preys  on  itself,  and  is  destroyed  by  thought; 
Constant  attention  Avears  the  active  mind. 
Destroys  her  powers  and  leaves  a  blank  behind." 


190        OBIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


SUCCESS. 

It  is  success  that  colors  all  iji  life, 

Makes  villains  honest,  and  the  rogue  admired; 
Yea,  even  virtue,  if  opposed  by  strife, 

Yields  to  success,  no  matter  how  acquired. 

SUICIDE. 

I  am  weary  of  life,  I  am  tired  of  earth. 

Of  its  painful  sorrows  and  its  boisterous  mirth ; 

Of  its  changeful  scenes,  its  uncertain  joys. 

Its  woes  and  frowns,  and  its  pleasure  that  cloys ; 

Of  its  dreams  that  harrass  my  troubled  breast — 

'Tis  the  grave  alone  that  can  give  me  rest. 


"To  cut  his  throat,  a  brave  man  scorns; 
Instead  of  his  throat,  he  cuts  his  corns," 

SUNSET. 

"Then  twilight  drew  the  curtain  up,  and  pinned 
it  with  a  star." 

If  there's  a  time  when  moments  flow 

More  pleasantly  than  all  beside. 
It  is,  of  all  our  hours  below, 

A  sunset  eve  in  summer  time. 


SURPRISE. 

Emma,  I  swear  by  all  I  ever  swore, 
Now,  from  this  hour,  I  sliall  not  love  thee  more. 
What!  not  love  me  m(n-e?    Why  this  broken  vow? 
Because  I  cannot  love  thee  m,ore  than  now. 


OEIGIXAL  AND  SELECTED  EEMARKS. 


191 


SWEAHING. 

From  every  tongue  let  praise  be  heard, 
Not  oaths  or  songs  profane ; 

Remember  who  has  spoke  the  "word: 
"Take  not  my  name  in  vain." 


I  think,  Mr.  D.  ,  since  so  often  you  swear 

(For  you  swear  both  in  day  and  by  nigiit), 
If  called  to  defend  what  no  doubt  you  commend, 

You'll  convince  us  that  swearing  is  light ; 
If  'tis  not  the  case,  I  declare  to  your  face 

I  could  wish  you  a  little  more  cool, 
Lest  some  of  your  friends,  severer  tlian  me, 

Should  plainly  pronounce  you  a  fool. 


"It  chills  my  blood  to  hear  the  blest  Supreme 
Rudely  appealed  to  on  each  trifling  theme! 
Maintain  your  rank,  vulgarity  despise ; 
To'swear  is  neither  brave,  polite,  nor  wise; 
You  would  not  swear  upon  a  bed  of  death" 
Reflect — your  Maker  now  could  stop  your  breath. 

TALENT. 

"  How  few  we  see  with  real  talents  blessed, 
Fewer  with  Nature's  gifts  contented  rest;" 
How  many  in  the  world  go  headlong  and  astray, 
Looking  for  something  good,  but  oft  mistake  the 
way. 


TALKING. 

Men  of  good,  sound,  common  sense,  say  a  great 


192        ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


deal  in  a  few  words,  whilst  the  conceited  scholar 
has  a  talent  for  saying^too  much  that  amounts  to 
nothing. 


TASTE. 

In  reading  authors,  some  their  taste  express, 
And  value  books  as  women  do  their  dress; 
Talk  as  you  will,  of  taste  you  often  find 
That  gill-edged  nonsense  captivates  the  mind; 
If  this  be  true,  dear  reader,  you  may  see 
The  moral  of  these  lines,  applied  to  thee. 


TAXES. 

There  is  one  passage  in  Holy  Writ  in  which  all  the 
powers  on  earth  agree,  viz. :  ' '  And  there  went  out 
among  them  in  those  days  a  decree  that  all  the 
world  should  be  taxed." 


THEATRE, 

"Where  one  base  scene  will  turn  more  souls  to 
shame. 

Than  ten  good  moral  lectures  can  reclaim." 

— Sprague. 


"A  place  where  dancing  sybils  wear  tight  panta- 
lettes. 

And  fill  immoral  heads  with  luscious  pirouettes." 

— Sprague. 


OEIGIXAL  AXD  SELECTED  EEMAEKS. 


193 


THEFT. 

"  He  that  is  rolDb'd.  not  ^vanting  what  is  stolen. 
Let  him  not  know  it.  and  he's  not  robbed  at  alL" 

TELEG-RAPH. 

"Twas  Franklin's  hand  that  caught  the  horse 
"^Vhicli.  harnessed  by  Professor  Morse. 
Like  lightning  runs  through  all  the  States, 
Bringing  the  news  to  latest  dates. 

 e-»-»  

TEMPEKAK-CE. 

3Iakes  the  head  clear,  tlie  heait  light,  the  body 
warm,  the  purse  heavy,  health  better,  and  death 
easy. 

TEMPEB. 

That  man's  a  fool,  who  tries  by  force  or  skill 
To  stem  the  current  of  a  woman's  will: 
Better  to  yield,  if  in  her  love  your  trust  is. 
Than  cross  her  ways  and  do  yourself  injustice. 

Persons  of  diflerent  temperament  should  never 
marry:  like  ice  and  fire,  whilst  one  extinguishes 
the  other,  it  destroys  itself. 

TEMPTATION. 

Temptations  eveiywhere  annoy, 
And  sinful  snares  my  peace  destroy; 
]\Iy  life  with  various  troubles  tossed, 
My  hopes  are  blasted,  projects  crossed; 
'Tis  every  day  such  hours  I  spend— 
I  wonder  when  this  scene  wi;l  end  I 


194       ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


TIME. 


We  compute  the  days  from  midnight,  the  Chi- 
nese from  sunrise,  and  the  Je'ws  from  sunset. 


Tlie  year  1900  will  not  be  leap-year:  in  course 
of  time  the  odd  minutes  making  an  extra  day. 


We  lament  the  shortness  of  time,  yet  have  more 
spare  hom-s  than  we  know  what  to  do  with. 


In  the  United  States,  the  longest  day  has  14 
hours;  in  Stockholm,  15;  in  London,  16;  in  Ham- 
burg, 17 ;  in  St.  Petersburg,  19 ;  in  Finland,  21 ;  in 
Norway,  the  sun  shines  two  months,  and  in  Spitz- 
bergen,  three  and  a  half  months  consecutively. 


o'clock  in  New  York  it  is 
00    midniofht  "  Pekin. 


At  12 
12. 
11.36  A.  M 
11. 
11. 
10. 
10. 


12. 
6. 
5. 
6. 
5. 
4. 


20 
05 
50 
48 
40  ' 
15  p. 
40 

45  ' 
45  ' 
05  ' 
55 


in  Charleston, 
Cincinnati, 
"  Chicago, 
"  St.  Louis, 
"  New  Orleans, 
'  San  Francisco, 
in  Portland, 
"  Constantinople, 
"  Rome, 
"  Vienna, 
"  Paris, 
"  London, 


OEIGIXAL  AXD  SELECTED  BEMARKS.  195 


A  line  wliich  has  two  ends,  one  beginning  in  the 
cradle,  the  other  ending  in  the  tomb. 

"Six  hours  to  sleep,  to  honest  labor  seven, 
The  same  to  study  give,  iDut  all  for  heaven." 


Tlie  moments  fly — a  minute's  gone, 
The  minutes  fly — an  hour  has  run ; 
The  day  is  past,  the  night  is  here ; 
So  flies  the  week,  the  month,  the  year. 


TIMIDITY. 

I  pity  him  so  deep  in  love, 

Who  won't  confess  the  itching  pain 

So  timid  he  to  make  the  move. 
And  ask  his  girl  to  change  her  name. 

TOAST. 

Come,  fill  up  your  glasses,  fill  high  to  the  brim. 
And  he  that  won't  fill,  I'll  not  drink  to  him : 
"Here's"  our  next   jovial  meeting,   and  then 

when  we  meet. 
May  the  wine  be  as  lively  and  our  meeting  as 
sweet. 


"  Here's  to  the  girl  of  bashful  sixteen, . 
And  here's  to  the  widow  of  fifty, 
And  here's  to  all  ages  that  come  in  between, 
But  all, to  the  one  that's  most  thrifty." 

— SJLeridan. 


196 


ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


To  each  and  all  I  bid  good  night, 

May  pleasing  dreams  and -slumbers  light 

Attend  yon  all  till  break  of  day. 

When  we  meet  again,  I'll  have  more  to  say. 


' '  Now  here's  to  thee,  my  pretty  dear. 
And  may  your  eyelids  never  shine 
Beneath  a  darker,  bitterer  tear. 

Than  bathes  it  in  this  glass  of  wine." 


"  Fill  your  glasses  full,  every  drop  we  sprinkle 
O'er  the  brow  of  care,  smooths  away  a  wrinkle ;" 
Should  you-  not  drink  at  all,  you  then  should  feel- 
no  pain. 

But  if  you  drink  and  fall,  you  should  never  drink 
again. 

Who  cares  for  wrinkles  when,  the  face  presents 
a  smile.  - 

Surely  the  wine  is  false  and  the  brow  is  full  of 
guile. 


TOBACCO, 

Pernicious  weed,  whose  lilthy  taste  annoys 
Our  finer  feelings,  and  our  healtli  destroys. 
Its  worse  effect  is  banishing  for  hours 
The  sex  whose  presence  civilizes  ours ; 
A  drug  but  suited  to  a  gardener's  wants 
To  poison  vermin  that  infests  his  plants. 


OEIGIXAL  Ayi)  SELECTED  BEMAP.KS. 


197 


TOILETTE. 

Of  what  is  your  toilette  made,  dear  girl, 

Of  what  does  your  dress  consist? 

Of  jewels  and  silks  and  marvelous  lace, 

Which  a  princess  royal, well  might  grace; 

Bracelets  of  pearl  with  enamelled  clasp, 

Girdles  of  gems  with  a  golden  hasp 

Of  such  is  my  toilette  made. 

No — of  gems  and  laces  and  girdles  gold, 

Of  something  besides,  dear  girl ; 

'Tis  made  of  the  bitter  and  terrible  cost 

Of  the  lives  of  a  hundred  women  lost, 

Who,  with  toiling  fingers  and  hearts  of  care, 

Did  labor  for  life  and  all  things  dare 

For  bread  to  eat,  and  an  bumble  bed, 

A  pillow  of  stone  for  a  virtuous  head ; 

With  eyes  to  glare,  with  a  stupid  stare, 

At  the  iron  face  of  dark  despair. 

Of  these  is  your  toilette  made. 

TOMBS. 

We  see  their  names  engraved  on  stone, 

Their  bodies  in  the  clay. 
Perhaps  before  the  year  is  gone. 

Ourselves  may  be  as  they. 

TO-MOmiOW. 

To-day  man's  dressed  in  robes  both  clean  and 
bright, 

Wrapt  in  a  shroud  before  to-morrow  night; 
To-day  he  feeds  upon  delicious  food, 
To-morrow  dead,  unable  to  do  good ; 


198 


ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  liEJfAEKS. 


To-day,he's  grand,  majestic,  all  delight, 
And  then  a  corpse  before  to-morrow  night. 
True,  as  the  Scripture  says,  man's  life's  a  span; 
The  present  moment  is  the  life  of  man. 


TOPER. 

In  spite  of  misfortune,  a  refuge  I  know. 
When  the  world  coldly  frowns,  to  the  bar-room  I 
go, 

And  there  bid  defiance  to  foes  and  to  strife, 
In  a  glass  of  good  brandy,  the  joy  of  my  life. 


TREASON, 

"Is  there  not  some  chosen  curse. 
Some  hidden  thunder  in  the  stores  of  heaven. 
Bed  with  uncommon  wrath,  to  blast  the  man 
Who  owe's  his  greatness  to  his  country's  ruin?  " 

— Addison. 


TRIFLE. 

Emma,  you  know  I'm  fond  of  cake, 
That  heart  of  yours  I  long  to  lifle ; 

So  give  it  me — I  want  to  make 
A  fine  dessert  of  cake  and  trifle. 


TROUBLE. 

If  it  were  not  for  trouble  and  sorrow,  we  would 
never  discover  the  good  there  is  in  us. 


OEIGIXAL  A^^D  SELECTED  REMAEKS.  199 


To  tliee  I  tell  my  every  grief, 

'Tis  you  alone  can  heal ; 
Just  speak  the  word,  and  bring  relief, 

And  cure  the  pains  I  feel. 


With  feeble  heart  and  troubled  mind, 
No  consolation  can  I  find, 
But  not  to  thee  I  lay  the  blame. 
'Tis  from  your  eyes  my  illness  came. 
Is  there  no  cure,  yes,  I  am  sure 
Frenzy  may  be  changed  to  bliss. 
Those  lips  of  yours,  if  once  applied. 
Could  soon  restore  me  by  a  kiss. 


TUTJE. 

AVlien  you  are  clieerful.  kind  and  free, 
You'll  surely  find  a  friend  in  me ; 
And  when  you  sigh  for  one  alone, 
How  pleased  Td  feel  to  be  that  one. 
But  since  I  hear  you're  inclined  to  rove 
With  other  men,  then  good-bye,  love. 
Ton  must  be  candid,  fond  and  true, 
Through  good  report  and  evil  too ; 
If  not,  I  swear  your  love  may  go — 
For  aught  I  care — to  '■Jericho.^ 
•  »>-«  • 

TP.UST. 

Trust  no  party,  church  or  faction, 
Trust  no  '  leaders  '  in  the  fight ; 
Trust  no  custom,  school  or  fashion, 
Trust  in  God  and  do  what's  right." 


200        ORIGIJSfAL  AND  SELECTED  EEMARKS. 


TRUTH. 

"Dare  to  be  true,  as  nothing  ^eeds  a  lie; 
A  fault  that  makes  it  grows  two  tliereby." 

Fearlessly  the  truth  i's  probing 
Systems, time  has  rendered  gray, 

And  hypocrisy  disrobing, 

Tearing  falsehood's  mask  away. 



Encourage  then  its  happy  mission. 
Speed  it  in  its  work  of  good. 

Teach  mankind  their  true  position — 
Universal  brotherhood. 


There  are  some  men  who  say  more  than  the  truth, 
on  some  occasions,  and  balance  the  account  with 
their  consciences  by  saying  less  than  the  truth,  on 
others. 

Truth  is  as  often  violated  by  silence,  as  by  false- 
hood itself. 

"He  who  is  afraid  to  express  his  opinion  freely, 
when  true,  is  not  only  a  fool,  but  a  coward,  if  he 
dreads  the  opinion  of  others." — De  Foe. 

TUNNELS. 

"The  longest  tunnels  in  the  world  are  in  Germany. 
At  Frieberg,  24  miles  long;  the  Ernst  Aug.  tun- 


OBIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


201 


nel  is  miles,  at  Clanstlial,  lOf  miles;  at  Schem- 
nitz,  9  miles.  Mont  Cenis  is  7i  miles  long.  In  the 
United  States,  the  Hoosac  tunnel  is  the  longest  tun- 
nel finished— 5  miles.  The  Sierra  Madre,  when 
completed,  will  be  12  miles  in  extent." 


TWILIGHT, 

"  Behold  the  sun  fast  hastening  to  his  rest! 
With  golden  lustre  he  gilds  tlie  gorgeous  west ; 
Lo !  the  bright  orb,  with  brilliant  evening  ray. 
Glows  from  the  heavens  to  mark  the  closing  day; 
Above  the  azure  skies  his  glories  spread, 
To  show  creation's  works  with  joy  arrayed. 
'Tis  thus  to  earth  a  moment's  glance  is  given 
To  think  of  endless  blissfulness  in  heaven." 


TYUANNY, 

"  Of  all  the  tyrannies  of  human  kind, 

The  worst  is  that  which  persecutes  the  mind." 


UNBELIEF. 

Hast  thou  in  moments  calm,  serene, 
An  unbeliever's  death-bed  seen  ? 
What  anguish,  terror,  fright  and  pain, 
Racks  his  benighted,  fiery  brain ; 

A  foe  to  God  !  with  expiring  breath, 
lie  cries,  "O  save  me  !  now,  from  death." 


202        ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


UNITED  STATES. 


Settled. 

AdTTiission. 

Florida,  . 

1565. 

1845. 

Spanisli. 

Virginia, 

1607. 

1788. 

English.. 

New  York,  . 

1614. 

( ; 

Dutch. 

JVEassacliusetts, 

1620. 

a 

English. 

IT.  Hampsliire, 

1623. 

ii 

u 

IT.  Jersey, 

1624. 

1787. 

Danes. 

Delaware,  . 

1627. 

u 

Swedes. 

Maine, 

1630. 

1820. 

Encrlwh 

r "» nn  p  p  f  1  p  n  i", 

1630. 

U 

lYffi  Tvl  and 

1633. 

u 

"Rliorlp  TslflTifl 

1636. 

1790. 

(( 

"N"  OfifrtliTin 

1650. 

1789. 

u 

S.  Carolina, 

1670. 

1788. 

u 

Michigan, 

1670. 

1837. 

French. 

Pennsylvania, 

1682. 

1787. 

Er>  <Tli<5h 

Illinois, 

1683. 

1818. 

FrPTioh 

Arkansas, 

1  RQK 
iDOO. 

looo. 

(( 

Indiana,  . 

1699. 

1816. 

(I 

Louisiana,  .  . 

1699. 

1812. 

(  ( 

Alabama,  .  . 

1702. 

1819. 

U 

Mississippi, 

1716. 

1817. 

(( 

Yermont, 

1725. 

1791. 

(( 

Georgia,     .  . 

1733. 

1788. 

u 

Tennessee, 

1756. 

1796. 

n 

OBIG-IXAL  AXD  SELECTED  EEMAEKS.  203 


Settled..    Adm  ission . 


]\Iis50uri, 

1763. 

1821. 

French. 

Kentucky, 

1775. 

1792. 

Daniel  Boone. 

Ohio,      .  . 

1780. 

1802. 

Yankees. 

TTisconsin, 

1836. 

1848. 

Emigrants. 

lova..     .  . 

1838. 

1846. 

( ( 

Texas,  .    .  . 

1845. 

1845. 

u 

Kansas,  . 

.  1858. 

1862. 

li 

Xebra^ka, 

Oregon,  . 

1859. 

1858. 

il 

California, 

1850. 

1850. 

Yankees. 

3Iinuesota,  .  . 

1857. 

u 

( ( 

ZSTevada,  . 

1864. 

(( 

TT.  Virginia, 

1863. 

Emigrants. 

Oar  hearts,  dear  girl,  responsive  still 

In  unison  so  closely  sweet, 
Each  to  the  other's  movements  thrill 

Must  love  in  truth,  or  cease  to  beat. 

Then  let  our  hearts  forever  Aotv 
In  gentle  streams  together  ran, 

To  part  them  now — forbid — Oh.  no  ! 
We  cannot  part :  our  hearts  are  one. 

UNIVERSE. 

''The  centre  cf  the  universe  is  every-where,  and 
its  circumference  nowhere." — Pascal, 


204        ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


UNREGENERATE. 

"  Alas  for  those  whose  hour  is  near, 
When  mercy  will  be  heard  no  more  ! 

Then  will  they  ask,  in  vain  to  hear 

That  voice  they  would  not  hear  before." 

—Dr.  Watts. 

VANITY. 

When  young  indeed, 
In  full  content  we  oft-times  proudly  rest, 
Regardless  of  ourselves ;  but  only  wish, 
Like  duteous  sons,  our  fathers  were  more  wise." 


"How  vain  are  all  things  here  below, 

How  false  and  yet  how  fair! 
Each  pleasure  has  its  poison,  too. 

And  every  sweet  a  snare. " 

— Blair. 

"  In  vain  on  earth  we  hope  to  find, 
Some  solid  good,  to  till  the  mind ; 
We  try  new  pleasures,  yet  we  feel 
The  inward  thirst  and  torment  still." 


"Man  has  a  soul  of  vast  desires  ; 
He  burns  within  with  restless  fires; 
Tossed  to  and  fro,  his  passions  fly  ; 
'Tis  naught  on  earth  but  v^inity." 


VICE, 

"Vice  stings  us  even  in  our  pleasures,  whilst 
virtue  consoles  us  in  our  pains." — Lacoii. 


0RI9IXAL  AXD  SELECTED  EEAIARKS. 


205 


VIHTUE. 

Kefp  virtue's  simple  path  Ijefore  your  eyes, 
]S"or  tliiuk  from  evil,  good  can  ever  rise. 


"  Such  is  tlie  fate  unhappy  Tvomen  find, 
And  such  the  curse  entailed  upon  their  kind; 
That  man,  the  lawless  libertine  may  rove. 
Free  and  unquestioned,  in  the  wilds  of  love: 
T\'hile  woman,  if  she  swerves  from  virtue's  way. 
And  in  the  hidden  paths  of  pleasure  stray, 
Ruin  ensues,  reproach  and  endless  shame, 
By  one  false  step,  entirely  damns  her  fame." 

Virtue  can  face  the  storms  of  age,. 
"T  will  prove  itself  in  every  stage ; 
But  if  once  lost,  it  suifers  more 
Than  it  had  ever  gained  before. 

VOLCANOES. 

Volcanic  fires  are  hieroglyphics  of  nature,  never 
fully  deciiDhered, 

VOLUNTEER. 

"Roll,  Rappahannock,  proudly  roll,    along  thy 
rocky  glen. 

Above  thee  lies  the  grave  of  one  of  Stonewall 

Jackson's  men ; 
Beneath  the  shade  of  a  lofty  pine,  in  solitude 

austere. 

Unknow,   unnamed,  forgotten,   lies  —  A  Georgia 
Volunteer." 

— Jlrs.  Toicnsend. 


206 


OBIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


When  Gabriel  blows  his  final  blast, 
If  "  Stonewall"  should  be  near, 

You'll  hear  the  shout  of  "Z^me,"  then, 
From  this  Georgia  Volunteer. 


VOWS. 

Once  your  sacred  vows  are  broken, 
Friends  j^ou  cannot  then  retain; 

Often  words  in  error  spoken 
Find  a  passage  home  again. 


VOYAGE. 

In  the  voyage  of  life,  how  many  profess  to  be 
sailing  for  heaven;  but  take  special  care  not  to 
venture  outside  of  earth,  for  fear  of  shipwreck. 


WAITING. 

*'She  watches  at  the  door,  and  waiting  at  the  gate, 
Sighs  for  her  old  man,  like  a  bird  that's  lost  its 
mate. 

The  hour  is  late,  the  lamp  is  trimm'd,  her  loving 

heart  is  there. 
Her  g-entle  eyes  with  tears  are  dimm'd,  see  here  his 

emjity  chair." 

Roll  back  that  chair  and  go  to  bed, 

Nor  slied  another  tear; 
The  old  man's  gone  to  the  wayside  inn, 

To  get  a  glass  of  beer. 


ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


207 


WALTZ, 

"  Her  feet,  beneath  her  petticoat 
Like  little  mice  stole  in  and  out, 

As  if  they  feared  the  light ; 
She  whirls  around  in  such  a  way, 
I  wish  the  night  would  turn  to  day, 

To  better  view  the  sight." 

WANTS. 

The  only  thing  which  we  are  sure  to  want  in 
this  world,  and  which  we  can  never  purchase,  is  a 
coffin ;  and  the  only  act  performed  by  our  friends, 
of  which  we  cannot  complain,  is  our  funeral. 


He  who  buys  what  he  does  not  want,  will  soon 
have  to  want,  that  he  cannot  buy. 


WAH. 

The  war  of  the  French  Revolution  cost  2,500,000 
lives. 

The  wars  with  Napoleon  cost  England  4,000,000 
lives,  and  £1,500,000,000  in  treasure. 

The  war  with  America  cost  the  British  nation 
340,000  lives,  and  £151,000,000. 

Kapoleon's  glory  was  purchased  by  the  sacrifice 
of  six  millions  of  human  beings. 


208        OEIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


Tlie  Florida  Seminole  war  cost  the  United  States 
$45,000,000  to  subdue  fifteen  hundred  Indians. 


The  expenses  of  the  war  with  Mexico  was 
$100,000,000. 


The  war  between  the  North  and  the  South  cost 
the  United  States  $5,500,000,000.  The  South  lost 
one-half  this  sura  in  property  alone,  whilst  the 
[North  sacrificed  at  least  620,000  men. 


"  War  is  of  use  to  human  kind  ;  for,  when  we  have 
passed  a  few  dull  years  of  peace  and  propagation, 
the  world  becomes  overstocked  with  fools,  and 
wants  a  pestilence,  at  least,  if  not  a  hero." 


WASHINGTON. 

"Marble  columns  may  molder  into  dust,  and 
time  erase  all  impress  from  the  crumbling  stone, 
but  his  fame  rose  with  American  liberty,  and  with 
American  liberty  alone  can  perish.  The  last  swell- 
ing peal  of  his  funeral  choir  announced  '  his  body 
buried  in  peace ; '  but  posterity  caught  the  echo  of 
funeral  triumph  to  proclaim,  '  His  name  will  live 
forever. ' " —  Webster. 


ORIGIXAL  AXD  SELECTED  EEITABKS.  209 


WATCH. 

'•  He  who  a  cratch  innst  wear,  two  things  should  do : 
Pocket  his  watch,  but  watch  his  pocket,  too." 


WEALTH, 

"Wealth  "is  the  root  of  every  evil,'' 
As  the  Sacred  Scriptures  tell ; 

We.  hoard  it  liere,  to  serve  the  devil, 
Who  pays  us  l3ack  in  hell. 


Those  who  are  in  the  ^Dossession  of  wealth  are, 
in  effect,  intended  by  Providence  as  the  trustees  of 
the  poor  and ;  distressed  and  will  be  so  reckoned, 
when  they  give  their  final  account. 


''Abundance  is  a  blessing,  to  the  M'ise, 
The  use  of  riches,  in  discretion  lies; 
Then  learn  this  maxim:  that  a  heavy  purse 
In  a  fool's  pocket,  is  a  heavy  curse."' 

—  Curiiberland. 


Men  sometimes  bequ£ath  property  that  is  often 
mortgaged,  or  money  that  is  soon  squandered. 
The  best  inheritance  is  a  sound  constitution,  with 
an  unblemished  reputation,  based  on  a  liberal  edu- 
cation. This  IS  true  wealth,  better  far  than  gold 
or  silver. 


210       ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


Wealth,  spent  in  sclienies  of  ambition,  produces 
disapjDointment ;  if  in  law,  vexation ;  if  in  luxury, 
disease. 


"Madam,  I  own  'tis  not  your  person 
My  stomach's  set  so  sharp  and  fierce  on, 
But  'tis  your  better  part — your  riches — 
That  my  enamor'd  heart  bewitches. 

• — Butler'. 

He  is  rich,  whose  income  is  more  than  his  ex- 
penses ;  but  he  is  poor,  whose  expenses  exceed  his 
income. 

WEBSTER. 

"When  the  genius  of  American  liberty  shall 
weep  over  the  grave  of  Webster,  it  will  be  in  the 
bitterness  of  a  widow-hood  made  desolate  by  the 
loss  of  her  ablest  and  firmest  supporter." 

WEDLOCK. 

In  wedlock  a  species  of  lottery  lies, 
Where  in  blanks  and  in  prizes  we  deal; 

How  comes  it  that  you,  such  a  capital  prize, 
Should  remain  so  long  in  the  wheel? 

If  ever  by  Fortune's  indulgent  decree, 

To  me  such  a  ticket  is  sold, 
One-eiglith,  heaven  knows,  would  satisfy  me. 

For  what  could  I  do  with  the  whole  ? 


ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  EEMAEES.  211 


"  Oh,  liappy  pair,  to  every  blessing  born. 
For  you  may  life's  calm  stream  in  quiet  run ; 

For  you  its  flowers  bloom  without  a  thorn, 
And  bright  as  morning  be  your  setting  sun." 

— Paine. 


WEEPING. 

"Oh,  what  temptations  o'er  our  souls  do  creep! 
Our  earthly  errors  make  the  angels  weep." 

— Mrs.  Townsend. 


The  classic  poet  truly  said. 

In  words  of  deepest  scorn, 
' '  Man's  inhumanity  to  man 

Makes  countless  millions  mourn." 
This  mighty  truth  is  verified ; 

We  heedless  hear  the  cries; 
In  sympathj-  the  angels  weep, 

In  sorrow,  tears  and  sighs. 


WEIGHTS  (vide  Measures'). 

A  cubic  foot  of  sand  weighs  100  pounds. 


u 

u 

clay. 

125 

(( 

u 

brick, 

u 

130 

u 

(( 

(( 

granite, 

u 

205 

u 

u 

u 

iron. 

u 

450 

u 

n 

(( 

steel. 

( 1. 

490 

u 

u 

copper, 

u 

490 

(I 

u 

lead, 

u 

700 

u 

212 


OBIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


A  cubic  foot  of  silver  weighs  650  pounds. 
"  "     gold,  1200 

"  "     oak,      "  66 

"  "     water,    "  62 

"  "     cedar,    "  34 

"     cork,     "  15 


WICKEDNESS. 

What  wicked  thoughts  corrupt  our  mind: 

How  obstinate  our  will ! 
In  all  that's  good  our  eyes  grow  blind, 

But  prone  to  all  that's  ill. 


WIDOWER. 

Soou  as  death  has  deprived  him  of  a  dear,  loving 
wife, 

He  mingles  again  in  the  pleasures  of  life; 
To  seek  a  new  object,  and,  cheerfully,  then 
Concludes  it  is  best  he  should  marry  again; 
With  a  foretaste  of  w-edlock,  no  time  to  consider. 
His   choice    is   soon  made,   whether  maiden  or 
widow ; 

Just  so  with  such  men,  how  seldom  they  tarry; 
They  are  never  contented  till  some   one  they 

marry. 
WIFE. 

"  How  pleasant  'tis  to  meet  a  wife 

When  our  daily  lal)or's  o'er; 

How  sweet  the  music  of  her  step 

When  she  meets  you  at  the  door." 

— Brake. 


OEIGIXAL  AXD  SELECTED  r:E3lASE.S.  Oyi 


When  fortune  frowns,  or  friends  forsake. 

A  loving  wife  T\-ill  cheer  us ^ 
Li  all  our  woes  she  will  partake, 

And  in  distress  endear  us. 

The  man  who,  iii  life,  is  blest  with  a  wife. 

Is  sure  in  a  hajDpj  condition: 
Try  things  as  you  will,  she'll  stick  to  you.  stilly 

As  comforter,  fiiend.  and  physician. 

I  want  a  wife,  both  young  and  fair. 

With  spirits  light  and  cheery. 
To  bless  me  with  her  pretty  smiles. 

And  cheer  my  heart  when  weary. 
When  dark  misfortune's  hour  is  come, 

Of  sorrow's  clouds  comes  near  me, 
To  make  my  home  an  Eden  here. 

And  fondly  call  me  dearie." 
2vow  should  this  meet  the  eye  of  one, 

And  that  one  deign  to  hear  me, 
rd  lire  for  her.  and  her  alone. 

And  she  shall  be  my  deary. 

Tliey  seek  for  mle.  supremacy  and  sway. 
When  they  have  sworn  to  serve,  love  and  obey, 

Wlien  on  thy  bosom  I  recline, 
Euraptur'd  when  I  call  thee  mine. 

Through  all  the  scenes  of  life, 
I  olory  in  those  sacred  ties 
Which  bachelors  and  fools  despise, 

Of  husband  and  of  wife." 


214       ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


'Tis  said  that  all  the  women 

Were  made,  as  wiv,es,  for  men ; 
And  this  is  true,  'tis  holy  writ; 

It  surely  follows,  then — 
That  every  mortal  man,  on  earth, 

Should  not  delay  nor  tarry; 
But  get  himself  a  mate  at  once, 

And  then  prepare  to  marry. 
Now,  I  believe,  the  truth  indeed. 

The  men  would  not  refuse, 
If  they  could  only  once  secure 

The  woman  whom  they  choose; 
But  such  is  my  experience, 

Which  I  candidly  confess, 
I  loved  a  pretty  maiden  once — 

Her  name  perhaps  you'll  guess; 
That  love  for  her    icastnie,''^  sincere, 

I  was  caught  in  a  dilemma. 
"Old  maid,"  says  she,  "I'll  never  be;  " 
Yet  I  have  my  doubts,  Miss  E. 
She  thus  denied  the  adage,  too, 

That  women  were  ever  made 
As  merchandize,  to  barter  off 

To  every  man  in  trade. 
Now  had  her  love  been  true  as  mine. 

All  other  things  explained, 
I  think  she  might  have  changed  her  mind, 

And  thus  her  heart  have  gained ; 
Yet  do  not  tarry  longer,  boys, 

For  I'm  sure  you  never  can 
Prove  any  women  so  sincere 


OEIGIXAL  AXD  SELECTED  REMARKS.  215 


To  many  any  man ;  ^ 
There  is  a  special  Providence 

Directs  us  all  through  life, 
Who  tells  each  man  the  proper  time 

When  he  should  take  a  wife. 
There's  women  plenty,  now-a-days, 

So  take  this  consolation, 
'T  is  given  freely  for  you  all, 

Without  further  explanation. 

Viz. — "There  is  no  goose  in  this  wide  world 
Who,  whether  soon  or  late, 
That  does  not  wish  a  gander  boy 
For  her  true  and  loving  mate." 


WILL. 

He  is  a  fool  who  thinks,  by  force  or  skill, 
To  turn  the  current  of  a  w^oman's  will; 
For  if  she  will  or  won't,  depend  upon  it, 
Shell  do  it  in  dispute,  and  there's  an  end  on't. 

—Hai. 


WINE. 

"Wine  is  held  to  be  a  libation  worthy  of  the 
gods,  and  clustering  grapes  have  entwined  the 
brows  of  its  divinity;  yet  how  many  have  poured 
forth  Ijoth  tears  and  l)lood,  to  prove  'tis  only  a 
fountain  of  eternal  damnation." 


216       ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


"Drink  wine,  my  friend,  the  goblet  sip; 

'Twill  dry  the  falling  tear; 
'Tis  not  so  sweet  as  woman's  lip, 

But,  oh,  'tis  more  sincere  !  " 

— Moore. 


"The  joy  which  wine  does  give,  like  smoky  fires, 
Obscures  the  sight,  whose  fancy  it  inspires, 
'T  is  to  tliy  rules,  O !  temperance,  that  we  owe 
All  pleasures  that  from  health  and  strength  do 
flow." 

WISDOM. 

"  Wise  is  the  man  wiio  labors  to  secure 
His  person  safe,  ]iis  reputation  sure." 

"Men  of  wisdom  are  instructed  by  reason;  men 
of  understanding  by  experience ;  the  ignorant  only 
by  necessity,  and  brutes  by  nature." — Cicero. 

Tlie  door-step  to  the  temple  of  wisdom  is  a  true 
knowledge  of  our  own  weakness. 


"Delightful  task,  to  rear  the  tender  thought, 
To  teach  the  young  idea,  how  to  shoot  ?  " 

—  Tliornson. 


Shoot  what  ?  Did  Thomson  ever  mean,  in  truth, 
He  could  shoot  wisdom,  in  the  heads  of  youth  ? 
Boys,  now-a-days,  would  ratlier  slioot  a  gun; 
"Delightful  task"  to  them— 'tis  only  fun 


ORIGIXAL  AXD  SELECTED  l^EMABKS. 


217 


To  shoot  a  robin,  jay,  or  yellow-hammer. 
Thau  squib  at  "Pike  "  or  Anthou's  Latin  grammar, 
In  my  young  days,  it  was  Mt.  Zion's  rule 
To  iciiip  this  knowledge  in  our  heads,  at  school. 
Say  what  you  please,  a  better  way  it  teaches, 
To    "rear    a    tender   thought"   beneath  one's 
breeches. 


"1^'isdom  by  study  must  be  won, 
'Tis  not  entailed  from  sire  to  son." 

—  Gay. 


Happy  the  thought,  look  at  the  masses  ! 
One  part  are  fools,  the  other  asses ; 
Experience  says,  'tis  for  the  hest. 
Wisdom  should  govern  all  the  rest; 
But  such  is  now  our  sad  condition, 
We  occupy  the  first  position ; 
If  we  don't  strive  to  mend  the  matter, 
We'll  soon  be  worthy  of  tlie  latter. 
For  sire  and  son,  are  bent  on  evil, 
Our  State  is  going  to  the  devil. 


WIT. 

•Olen  have  for  wits  at  first,  then  poets,  passed; 
Turn'd  critics  next,  but  proved  but  fools  at  last, 
xls  clumsy  mules  are  neither  horse  nor  ass, 
So  they  for  neither  wits  nor  critics  pass," 

— Pope. 


318       ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  EEMAEKS. 


"Excess  of  wit  may  often-times  beguile; 
Jests  are  not  always  pardoned  by  a  smile; 
Men  may  disguise  their  malice  at  the  heart, 
And  seem  at  ease  yet  pained  with  inward  smart." 

— Dry  den. 


"Wit,  well  applied,  doth  use  its  wisdom  right, 
And  gives  us  knowledge  while  it  gives  delight ; 
Thus,  on  the  stage  we  with  applause  behold 
What  would  have  pain VI  us  from  the  pulpit  told." 


"His  conversation,  in  earnest  or  in  jest. 
His  judgment,  prudence,  manners,  and  his  wit, 

Were  deem'd  appropriate,  and  a  truthful  test 
Of  what  was  ^^roper,  graceful,  just  and  fit." 

— Frere. 


Forever  foremost  in  the  ranks  of  fun. 
The  laughing  herald  of  a  harmless  pun; 
So  rich,  so  gay,  so  full  of  lively  wit, 
He  never  makes  a  pun  without  a  hit. 


True  wit  is  like  a  diamond  light 
When  taken  from  the  mine, 

Like  genius;  when  'tis  polished  bright 
'T  will  cut  as  well  as  shine. 


WOMAN. 

History  proves  that  woman,  although  influenced 
by  lofty  impulses,  approaches  the  angels ;  yet 


OUIGIXAL  AXD  SELECTED  EEMAEES.  219 


Vviien  yielding  to  passion  exhibits  a  refinement 
of  wickedness  never  attained  by  man. 

A  good  woman  is  like  a  Cremona  fiddle:  the 
older  she  gets,  the  sweeter  her  tone. 

Like  a  gold  coin,  no  matter  what  stamp  or 
superscription,  she  is  a  legrd  tender  the  world  over. 

The    lords  of  creation."  men  we  call; 

(Some  think  they  rule  creation) 
But  they're  mistaken,  after  all: 

'T  is  woman  rules  the  nation. 

"  Heaven  has  no  rage  like  love  to  hatred  turned, 
And  hell  no  fury  like  a  woman  scorned." 

—  Congrece. 

"T  is  woman's  smiles  that  lull  our  cares  to  rest, 
'T  is  woman's  charms  that  gives  to  life  its  zest. 
'T  is  woman's  hand  that  smooths  afliiction's  bed. 
Wipes  the  cold  brow,  supports  the  sinking  head." 

"This  world  is  all  a  fleeting  show, 

For  man's  illusion  given: 
Tlie  smiles  of  joy.  the  tears  of  woe 

Deceitful  shine,  deceitful  show 
There's  nothino-  true  but  heaven.'' 


O  woman,  woman,  whether  lean  or  fat, 
In  face  an  angel,  but  in  heart  a  cat, 


230        ORIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  REMARKS. 


Witli  SO  mucli  of  heaven  and  hell  about  yon, 
There  is  no  living  with,  or  without,  you. 

"The  progress  of  any  nation  in  morals,  civiliza- 
tion and  refinement,  is  just  in  proportion  to  the 
elevated  or  degraded  position  in  which  woman  is 
placed  in  society." 

Without  woman,  the  beginning  of  our  lives 
would  be  helpless,  the  middle  without  pleasure, 
and  the  end  without  comfort. 


"Though  but  common  clay,  taken  from  com- 
mon earth,  molded  by  Deity  himself,  and  tem- 
pered by  the  tears  of  angels,  to  make  the  perfect 
form  of  woman." 


The  best,  are  like  the  ivy — the  more  you  are 
ruined,  the  closer  they  cling  to  you;  yet  the  worst 
like  the  iv}^ — the  more  they  cling  to  you,  the  more 
you  are  ruined. 


"The  heart  of  woman  tastes  no  truer  joy, 

Is  never  flattered  with  such  dear  enchantment ; 

'Tis  more  than  selfish  vanity,  as  when 

She  hears  the  praises  of  the  man  she  loves." 

—  Thompson. 


ORIGIYAL  AN-D  SELECTED  REMARKS.  221 


If  tlie  heart  of  a  man  is  depressed  with  cares, 
He  soon  feels  relief  when  a  woman  appears, 
Provided  she's  handsome  and  loving-  and  true; 
But  if  on  the  contrary,  it  makes  him  look  blue ; 

An  inconstant  woman  is  never  in  love;  a  false 
woman,  in  love  with  more  than  one ;  a  fickle  woman, 
in  love  with  nobody  in  particular;  and  an  indiffer- 
ent woman,  nobody  can  love. 

WOUDS. 

There  are  but  two  words  in  the  English  lan- 
guage which  contain  all  the  vowels  in  their  regu- 
lar order,  viz. :  abstemiously,  facetiously. 

WOULD. 

The  world  is  strong  and  mighty ;  but,  in  its  in- 
finity of  littleness,  it  is  certain  to  wring  that  noble 
heart  that  would  dare  to  defy  its  power. 

"I  am  creation's  heir,  the  world,  the  world  is 
mine . ' ' — Najjo  leo  n . 

This  world  is  a  bundle  of  hay, 
Mankind  are  tiie  asses  who  pull; 

Each  tugs  it  a  different  way, 

And  the  greatest  of  these  is  John  Bull. 


The  world  is  the  great  turnpike  gate  on  the  road 


223 


OBIGINAL  AND  SELECTED  EE3IAEKS. 


to  immortality,  where  every  man  pays  toll  accord- 
ing to  the  manner  in  which  he  travels. 

"The  world  is  a  well-furnished  table 
Where  guests  are  promiscuously  set ; 

They  fare  as  well  as  they're  able, 

And  scramble  for  what  they  can  get."' 

— Bickerstaff. 

"  This  world's  a  book,  writ  by  the  eternal  art 
Of  the  great  Author,  printed  in  man's  heart ; 

'Tis  falsely  printed,  though  divinely  penn'd. 
With  all  the  'errata'  showing  at  the  end." 

WOE. 

"The  happiest  man  that  ever  breathed  on  earth, 
With  all  the  glories  of  estate  and  birth. 
Had  yet  some  anxious  care  to  make  him  know 
No  grandeur  was  above  the  reach  of  woe." 

WORSHIP. 

Blest  is  that  pious  house 

Where  love  and  friendship  meet. 

Where  praise,  and  prayer,  and  holy  vows, 
Make  their  communion  sweet. 


WRITING. 

' '  Of  all  those  arts  in  which  the  wise  excel, 
Nature's  chief  master-piece  is  writing  well; 
No  kind  of  work  requires  so  nice  a  touch. 
And,  if  well  finished,  nothing  shines  so  much.  " 

—Swift. 


OEIGIXAL  AXn  SELECTED  REMARKS.  223 


WRONG. 

"We  see  the  right,  and  we  approve  it,  too; 
Coademii  the  wrong,  but  yet  the  wrong  pursue." 
How  oft  in  life  we  tliink  weVe  done  no  evil, 
Bat  on  reflection  we  have  played  the  devil. 


YANKEE. 

"He  loves  his  land,  because  it  is  his  own. 
And  scorns  to  give  some  other  reason  why; 

He  dare  sliake  hands  with  king  upon  a  throne, 
And  think  it  kindness  to  his  Majesty." 

— Halleck. 


YEAR  (NEW). 

"  The  opening  year  God's  mercy  shows. 
Let  mercy  crown  it  till  it  close ; 
With  grateful  heart  the  past  we  own 
The  future  is  to  all  unknown." 


YOUTH. 

"  'T  is  vain  to  think  love's  bright  hour 

In  blooming  youth  is  shown, 
For  sure  its  purest,  warmest  power 

In  after  age  is  known ; 
If  passions,  chastened  and  subdued. 
To  riper  years  are  given, 
^       'T  is  then  we  view  all  earthly  things 
In  a  light  that  shines  from  heaven." 

— Barton. 


224     onmmAL  and  selected  remarks. 


Nothing  should  be  neglected,  which  is  calculated 
to  improve  the  taste,  cultivate  the  understanding, 
or  elevate  the  character  of  the  rising  generation. 

"The  excesses  of  youth  are  but  debts  due  to  old 
age,  and  payable  about  tliirty  years  afterdate,  with 
heavy  interest." 

This  world  is  a  stage  of  excitement 
There's  danger  wherever  you  go, 

But  when  you  are  tempted  in  weakness 
Have  courage,  brave  boy,  so  say  No  ! 

The  seeds  of  repentance  are  sown  in  youth  by 
pleasure,  nurtured  in  manhood  M'ith  satisfaction, 
but  reaped  in  the  harvest  of  age  by  misery  and 
pain. 

Be  up  and  doing  now,  young  man. 
For  "life  is  short,"  do  what  you  can; 
With  you  'tis  sweet,  with  me  no  more, 
Though  continued  to  three-score ; 
For  three-score  years,  when  they  are  gone, 
"Will  then  appear  as  short  as  one. 

ZEAL. 

' '  For  virtue  even,  may  too  much  zeal  be  had, 

The  worst  of  men  are  fanatics  run  mad ; 

No  wild  enthusiast  ever  yet  could  rest 

Unless  we  grant  his  ideas  are  the  best." 

—  Gowper, 


OEIGIXAL  AXD  SELECTED  EEMAEKS.  225 


ZEALOT. 

"  Fanatic  faith  when  once  'tis  wedded  fast 
To  some  dear  falsehood  hugs  it  to  the  last.'" 

— ^Gore. 


F I    I S . 

Some  say  a  poet  is  a  fool: 

By  demonstration,  reader,  show  it; 
Perhaps  you  can — invert  the  rule, 

And  prove  yourself  to  be  a  poet. 


This  book,  my  friend,  which  you  Lave  read, 

In  part  I  claim  as  mine ; 
But  what  you  cannot  understand, 

I  grant  you — "  Make  it  thine  ; 
Though  others  may  its  merits  seo. 

And  credit  Avhat  is  due. 
Let  them  the  better  part  secure, 

And  leave  the  rest  for  you. 
Should  both  review  this  humble  work, 

And  each  the  critic  play, 
Just  try  your  hand  to  write  a  book. 

I've  nothing  more  to-day. 


ADIEU. 


r 


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gems  of  Prose  and  PoetT-y 


DATE 


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